Have any of you jobs where you are regularly abused verbally?

[Cantstandpowerpoints]

My daughters are both teachers in their 20s. One newly qualified, one just started her 2nd year.

The newly qualified teacher was verbally abused on her second day (!) by a parent, it was nothing she’d done, the parent was angry about something school related. Swearing, screaming etc.

She said although she felt like crying she took herself off afterwards on her own and had a word with herself along the lines of toughening up if she wants to make it in teaching. School staff very supportive of her, she’s absolutely fine.

Second daughter verbally abused yesterday by an angry parent. Again nothing personal, my daughter was on duty at the start of school and parent swearing and screaming at her about parking issues. Again, angry at the school rather than my daughter. Again she was upset, but didn’t show it and is over it.

I was really sad for both of them as we’re not a ‘shouty’ family and life is usually calm so it’s upsetting to think your kids are being sworn and shouted at at work.

It got me thinking. Is your job one where this happens on a regular basis? I’m thinking obvious ones like traffic wardens, but maybe you’re abused regularly in a profession we would never expect? How do you cope? Do you get used to it, zone out, or has it got too much for you in the end?

It does seem that people are becoming more and more angry in general and are not thinking about the human being they’re abusing.

Mental health nurse. Yes, daily.

I'm a GP receptionist. Not very regularly but quite often, at least once or twice a week. Both over the phone and at the reception desk.

It's completely unfair and no one should be treated like that in work and can understand why you feel so sad and angry on behalf of your daughters

Do you know if
AMHPs get this? As I thinking about training to be one. It's an Approved Mental Health Practitioner. This profession has the power to section people against their will and I have been told that because of the lack of resources, that's often the only option to keep themselves and others safe.

I work in a role where it is to be expected, and most of MN seem to think deserved. The way I deal with it is to mentally separate it from myself. So I am fully aware that it is the role I do they are shouting at, not me personally. Hopefully that makes sense. If someone spoke to me like that in my personal life I would crumble, but at work it bounces right off.

just random stuff like parking.

It's not parking. It's never parking. It's likely to be stress, and powerlessness, and being time-starved and not being listened to and a whole load of other things. But it's not parking. That's why being curious is so important.

Little tricks like moving so you are slightly perpendicular to people, not face-to-face and agreeing, "it's bedlam the parking, what specifically though? Can you point it out?". So that they feel heard and agreed with and cooperated with. You're on their side.

Meet people face-to-face and defensively, you're lost.

I worked in Customer Services for a credit card company in the late 80’s early 90’s OMG spoken to like dirt everyday. Especially if they wanted a credit limit increase and it was declined, or they had they card rejected, because they hadn’t paid their bill and the card was stopped, it was my fault 😂 the rudeness was unbelievable then, I can only imagine what it’s like now.

Not any longer.

People are angry and disturbed because society is starting to break down. All the basic things we felt we could rely on are breaking or becoming unavailable. Food, warmth, clean rivers, school buildings that aren’t at risk of falling down.

You do need to ‘toughen up’ to an extent and appreciate that it’s not a personal attack usually. it’s about them. Build good self care into your routine. Take up any offers of support, formal or infórmal.

Ok maybe people are feeling powerless and worried but I don't see why that has translated into publicly abusing people. Why has this become acceptable?

These skills need to be taught to everyone, I think, beginning in schools

I used to. I worked in a call centre dealing with complaints so lots of angry people.

Not me, but DD who works in a pharmacy. All the staff regularly get shouted at by irate patients and customers. Prescriptions take too long to be sent through from GP surgeries, GPs prescribe drugs that are no longer available or out of stock, they don't have enough staff to process prescriptions so customers have to wait etc.

@ThreeFeetTall I totally agree
@MrsTerryPratchett I know it’s not about parking, I work in mental health myself and the stresses that cause people to blow over something apparently minor. But @ThreeFeetTall point is valid. When does that mean you can rave at a young teacher or nurse for example? And if you calm down not even an apology.
People are under immense stress I agree

Yep, another nurse here. Emergency department so very common unfortunately.

I used to be regularly when I worked in a bookshop. I imagine it’s the same in any retail environment.

I now work in a library and it has only happened once in 7 years.

Legal PA

Yes. I’m a GP. I’ve been sworn at, spat at, threatened with rape and physical violence, physically intimidated and my exit blocked.

I know everyone hates GPs and so most of MN will think we deserve it, but believe it or not, most of us try really bloody hard in a shit system and a lot of the anger from patients isn’t our fault.

I'm a teacher. If parents are being verbally abusive I will tell them the meeting /discussion is over and walk away or out the phone down. When children are being abusive, don't internalise it, they are like toddlers lashing out. Tell them it's unacceptable, follow it up with the appropriate consequence and get an apology when they are calm but don't engage in the moment because it will just add fuel to their fire, learn to walk away.

Thank you for all the good work that you all do. No one deserves to be abused like that. It’s heartbreaking really.

Manager in a sixth form college. Occasionally by students. More often by parents. To be honest though the passive aggressive parents I find worse. I can usually (not always) calm down a swearing parent, the passive aggressive I find personally hard to get over.

I'm a secondary teacher and its definitely getting worse, no question about that. Partly to do with inclusion and partly to do with parents not having the skills to manage the behaviour at home or pupils learning behaviour from them.

I rarely face the abuse myself as I am in a role where I have the time to calm the pupil and listen - once they feel heard then that de escalates a lot of the time. Feel sorry for the teachers in the classroom though getting the brunt, been there and it's tough. Hard to not take it personally too.

So much this. Give me a shouter over a pursed-lipped, "well actually" any day.

Yes when I was worling at a higher education institute, daily screaming by my new manager. Normal for that sector, lots of highly strung, nasty women there making people's lives a misery.

When I worked in a state school because I didn’t want to work in an elite school and wanted to ‘give something back’ - 20 years of giving back - I was sworn at pretty much daily, threatened by parents and pupils and punched twice - it was a farce and it aged me 20 years on top of working for them for 20 years. Regularly had a bully of a line manager which was even more stressful etc.

A few years ago I relocated and applied to a top indie school (one of the top ten) and to my surprise and delight I was offered a wonderful job. I get paid the same but have an extra 7 weeks holiday a year. I get free lunches and they are wonderful. I have delightful emails and thank yous from pupils - I plan my lessons and deliver them much like I did in a state school and the children often stay behind and tell me how much they love and enjoy my lessons. I have ten in a class - so marking isn’t an issue.

I often have flowers or a cake brought into school by a parent - just to say thank you to me for something I have done.

I have a swimming pool and gym I can use and my children get reduced fees - my daughter got a scholarship so I’m currently paying £2 K a year for her to get a £30 K a year upwards schooling and she is thriving.

If I’m ill I get a supportive email telling me to recover properly and that everything is covered etc when I got a phone call saying my son wasn’t well at school, my class was covered without being asked - the deputy head later texted me and told me that my lessons for the next two days at least were covered and sorted and I wasn’t to worry about work but let them know when he was better.

if I want equipment I buy it - I would be dead by now if I was still working in my old school - heart attack probably. Three teachers in my old school - all outstanding teachers like me died on the last two years - and I think it was stress.

I hear stories of other indie schools not being nice to their staff but I hit lucky with mine and I’m not leaving!!!

Worked for the Jobcentre (Department for Work and Pensions). I took new claims, carried out Fortnightly Interventions (checking they still met the conditions for signing on) and was a Financial Assessor (making sure that the applicant had produced all the documents needed to get their claim processed as soon as possible).

The abuse I was given by people when a) asked for their ID b) asked how their job search was going (truth: I and my Colleagues didn't care if it was a pack of lies. Just tell us something to click the boxes and you can go quicker) c) told how much Jobseekers Allowance was (fixed rates according to circumstances) d) asked for bank statements for means tested benefits e)having a chair hurled across the room at you because a giro cheque didn't turn up f) being spat at as you left the office for lunch g) people banging the desk as they shouted at you (where's.my.fucking.giro? and it turned out it had been paid into his bank account - that got my friend his keyboard slammed into his face)

It was Hell. And the next time the person came in if they said sorry, we were told to accept it. I never did. I merely said "I hear your words" because I knew they didn't mean it. Society has degenerated. ☹️

Nearly all the rules mentioned are situations where clients/customers are under stress, svc often powerless. Stressed people make poor choices.

On the other side, even I have occasionally needed to apologise when I've got frustrated in a situation.

So yes, like a pp, I put a lot into de-escalation, making it clear that I've heard the person, clearly demonstrating empathy, and drilling down into the specific element that's causing their frustration. De-escalation is a really powerful tool.