Im struggling with kids not eating in my job

[Middaysupervisory]

I've been in my new role as a dinner lady for 2 weeks now and something I'm struggling with -is kids just not eating. Some of them hardly touch their hot lunches and again the same for the ones who bring pack ups some eat them well some don't.
Were not allowed to force a child to eat but to encourage their eating.

I have children my self who have a very particular diet so I do understand it but when your actually there and seeing them not eat it really pulls on your heart I don't know what to do.

You say you're 'not allowed to force children to eat' as if that's something you'd actually want to do?

I think if you knew children were hungry and didn't have enough food that would be reason to be upset. But if they have decent food in front of them and you're gently encouraging them to eat it there isn't anything else you can do is there.

Yeah, this would be my kid. He has ARFID.
Maybe the environment is too noisy and distracting for them?
When I was a dinner lady I wanted to set up a quiet table with colouring pages for kids who needed a time out.

That sounds very tough.

What was your own childhood history with food like?

You can't be the only one this bothers, how do others in your team cope? Does anyone feed back to the parents? Any strategies others try?

I'm sure you remember that some children eat more some days than others, some don't eat much at school but eat OK at home.

Make sure those with pack up do not bin contents so parents can see what's been eaten. If there's anyone who is literally not eating everyday you need to raise this with your line manager.

I would just not worry about it...the DC would have had breakfast, a breaktime snack and will probably get another snack at 3 whether from their parents or at after school club.

DS1 regularly leaves half his packed lunch because he is too busy chatting. Its a bit of a pain but what can you do. I used to eat as little of my school dinners as possible (they were not great in the 90s!)

OP I’m a mum to a new school starter - and I’ve been told at every collection she “hasn’t eaten much (ie anything)”. I’ve sent a packed lunch of “safe and liked” food for her every day and often the school lunch menu are similar to items she’d eat at home. However, she’s picking. This doesn’t surprise me. It’s a new environment! She’s adjusting - she’s never been in a room with as many kids before. It’s a bit overwhelming and distracting. Change always makes her somewhat unsettled and typically if she’s unsettled I know her appetite goes down. She’s a well fed kid (in terms of what’s available or offered) but food isn’t really something she’s that into (ie our reward at home would be stickers etc.).

If a teacher or other adult was to force her to eat, she’d find it really distressing and likely refuse to attend school. It’s very much something she needs to be left alone with until she settles and then will come. The schools rules are there for a reason.

Let them be!
They won't die from not eating a few lunches
Maybes they are not that hungry - listening to your body signals is good eating every meal that's put in front of you isn't

You've posted several times about not being able to cope with various aspects of your new job....do you think it is the right career for you? Have you been out of work for a while and are just finding things difficult in general?

Children eat like birds, as my grandmother used to say. Unless they're underweight I would try to put it out of my mind.

I used to get so annoyed as a parent when my.kids said the dinner ladies wouldn't let them out to play unless they'd eaten xyz. I am very against "force" feeding and it upset me that they did that. Please leave the kids alone!

Of course you can’t force them to eat!

if a child is regularly not eating much of their school dinner then let the class teacher know so they can alert parents. If they have a packed lunch make sure they are taking home what isn’t eaten. I have noticed a lot of packed lunches contain a massive amount of food so I don’t think many would eat it all!

Im a dinner lady, Ds has arfid and I think that actually helps me in the job to understand the children who can’t/won’t/don’t want to eat much.

Always have plain boiled pasta there as an option for children who do not want the lunch that day.

We have this in nursery, plain rice, plain pasta or plain potato. Depending on what type of meal you are cooking.

Also if possible, you could arrange a taster day where you invite the children and parent sto tey different types of meals that you guys cook for free.

I get annoyed when the dinner ladies even encourage mine. I just want them to be safe and happy at the table. I want the dinner ladies to check no children are throwing food or taking food and that no children look unhappy. Children should be allowed to decide what their appetite is that day.

Mine have allergies so being in control of what they eat is an important safety valve.

Also sometimes they just aren't hungry and they might eat some more of their lunch as a snack on the way home.

They are very good at regulating their appetite. Sometimes they have done a lot /are having a growth spurt and are ravenous, other times they just don't want much.

I also always, and they know this, pack more than I expect them to eat because they would never be able to swap food with a friend /have a few of a friend's crisps, so I like them to have a range of choices in their bag so they never feel they are missing out

My kids school has the hot meal option and then always a pick and mix option which includes different sandwiches and wraps, cucumber, fruit, crisps, pasta and whatever the dessert is. Usually kids find something they will eat in all that.
There used to always be the option of a jacket potato too but I think they've stopped that now.

I think it’s fine, the children have food to eat if they are hungry. It’s important they follow their appetite and stop eating when they want to. People pressurising them to eat potentially could create eating issues in the future - obesity or whatever. A child with anorexia will need individualised support directed by professionals, unlike his/her peers.

I know several kids who don’t eat much at school, but eat LOADS at home.
they would eat if they were hungry.
move noticed they tend to fall into whatever their friends are doing. So the high schoolers just eat snacks at lunch because apparently packed lunches are not cool and they don’t like the choice at school dinners?!
I know some primary school kids who just want to go out and play when their friends are done.

I'm a TA with dinner duties. You'll learn fairly quickly which children regularly don't want much, if anything, at lunchtime. If its their normal, it's nothing to worry about - some kids just eat less than others. If I see a child who usually eats well at lunchtime but is picking/not eating, I'll check in to make sure they're ok. 9 times out of 10 it turns out they're not feeling well or have fallen out with their friends. Once you get to know the kids better, you'll know which ones just aren't hungry, which ones are hungry but need some reassurance, and who might need a check in.

We also have a quiet classroom where children who regularly find the hall overwhelming can sit and eat, which has been an absolute game changer.

I've worked with children for a long time. Some 4 year olds will eat a bigger packed lunch than me. Some will eat half a sandwich and a few cut up grapes. It isn't my.job, or yours, to decide for them.

The food is there. They will eat it if and when they want to.

Lots of children are quite good at only eating when they’re actually hungry. My 4yo will have 2 good meals and generally pick at a third- she is better at lunch and breakfast but won’t have much for dinner. Some of your kids will be going light on lunch, some new to the school and dealing with change, some distracted. It’s probably going to be about finding the ones who are genuinely upset or having issues.

They do improve as the year goes on but things that have helped my ds are making sure the foods are not touching each other, not putting too much on the plate as that puts him off before he’s started and only giving a little bit of food he’s not sure he likes.
School dinners have widened the range of foods he will eat so although it’s been a very slow process it has been successful. We did try pack lunches and he didn’t eat those either.

I was also a dinner lady and was surprised that the vast majority of kids ate very little. I don't even think it was fussy eating most of the time. They were just keen to get out and play!
This is why I think parents are a little naive when they say thing like "Oh I only give my child toast for dinner because he's had a roast dinner for lunch". Firstly school dinners are very small portions and poor quality food. Secondly, he probably ate a couple of mouthfuls and then went out to play. Thirdly he probably burnt loads of calories running around outside. So yes your child does need a good dinner!!
I remember noticing that out of 200 kids there were only two or three that ate a decent lunch when it came to school dinners.

My DD is fussy unfortunately, last year I was sending safe food and still half was not eaten. The main excuse was my friends grosses me out.

but sometimes children wont eat at lunch time because they might not be hungry yet. especially in primary school.

Not sure how many schools participate in breakfast scheme, but my DD's school gives half the bagel just after 9am, then they have a snack (fruit or carrot sticks) and some children are also drinking glass of cool milk, so by lunch they are still full.

Would she est elsewhere? Ds is in year 9 now and hasn’t eaten in the school hall since year 2 as he couldn’t tolerate the sensory over load

School sure has changed, not a chance a kid would have dared to not eat with Mrs Hill from my primary school around 😂😂

I'm an MDS. Obviously you do get to know the ones who don't have massive appetites, but we've been told if a child has hardly eaten or not eating much regularly, then to let teacher know. Teacher will mention to whoever at home and give us any helpful feedback. If a child generally eats ok with school lunches, but sometimes flatly refuses it, it's worth asking why - sometimes they really don't like what's on the menu on say pasta or chip day. Again this can be fed back to parents so parents can consider a packed lunch if they want to ensure they're child is eating.

There's other things you'll come across as an MDS that upset or get to you. Obviously you're human and can't switch off to all of it, but all you can do is do your best to encourage, support or refer to TA/teacher/senior leadership if it's something you're not sure about or a safeguarding issue.