Im struggling with kids not eating in my job

[Middaysupervisory]

I've been in my new role as a dinner lady for 2 weeks now and something I'm struggling with -is kids just not eating. Some of them hardly touch their hot lunches and again the same for the ones who bring pack ups some eat them well some don't.
Were not allowed to force a child to eat but to encourage their eating.

I have children my self who have a very particular diet so I do understand it but when your actually there and seeing them not eat it really pulls on your heart I don't know what to do.

My child didn't eat much at school when he was younger. I think they used to encourage him but often weren't successful. It was mainly because he was really fussy. The important thing to me was that I was made aware of this by the teaching staff- I then sent him with a packed lunch 3 days and we tried the school lunches for 2 days a week. Also, I made sure that he had a proper breakfast and evening meal and that I took a snack when collecting him, so the lunch time lack of eating, although not ideal, wasn't the end of the world. I wouldn't worry too much, you can only do your best.

My kids were fine with school dinners until
someone forced them to eat (spoon to lips, you have to eat this before you can leave). Then they worked out how to get minimal portions in case they didn’t like it, and how to wait until no adult was looking to chuck the food and escape.

Please, unless parents are worried, just let the kids decide if they’re hungry or not. It’s this appetite, not yours.

I’m not sure why you’re taking this to heart so much tbh. My Mum works in a primary school and other more serious things tug at her heart strings like the kids without coats in the middle of winter or the kids who turn up with cold McDonald’s/take away in their lunchbox and nothing else.

The children at your school are being offered food, they just don’t want to eat it. Kids are really odd at times and they really won’t be damaged in any way because they barely ate lunch. It’s their choice, it isn’t as if they’re being starved.

My DS often doesn't eat lunch at nursery/school. Doesn't bother me at all. I would be very cross if anyone forced or tried to encourage him to eat. So long as the food is there for him, it's his choice what and how much to eat.

I covered a reception class in the summer term this year on supply and they had no dinner lady so I stepped in. They all basically didn’t eat much at all. I certainly didn’t force it. It really pissed the cooks off mind but they were more old school.

One thing I will say is the food quality has gone rapidly downhill. Personally I thought the food was awful. I’m talking hard roast potatoes. I mean a reception child isn’t going to eat a hard roast potatoe. Also, the token vegetables on the trays never get eaten and are simply just there to make it look like the school is providing healthy options. The reality is 1 kid out of 30 eats it 🤣.

The only dinners that ever reliably get eaten are dishes like fish fingers and chips (on a Friday) and pizza day with wedges. Children do eat those dinners. Jamie fucking Oliver has a lot to answer for.

@Middaysupervisory my two dcs have ALWAYS eaten very well.
They’ve also more or less never finished their packed lunch well until mid to end if primary school.

The pull to go out and play with their friends has always been too much.

Plus let’s be honest, school lunches aren’t usually particularly attractive either….

My DD has a small packed lunch of foods I know she likes. She still doesn't eat all of it and often gives bits to friends. She says they don't have enough time to eat and is too busy talking to eat. She does have a snack at break and at afterschool club or home. She's slim, but not unhealthily so. I wouldn't worry about children like her, I can't see what more could be done.

I have children my self who have a very particular diet so I do understand it but when your actually there and seeing them not eat it really pulls on your heart I don't know what to do.

Good Lord, you do nothing obviously.

They'll eat when they're hungry. I didn't used to eat much at school either and as an adult, I still don't eat much for lunch.

Please, unless parents are worried, just let the kids decide if they’re hungry or not. It’s this appetite, not yours.

My experience though is that children are not not eating because they’re not hungry.
Rather, they find the food crap (would eat those school lunches day in, day out?). They want to go and play instead. The friend next to them isn’t eating so they follow crowd etc….

There are many things that can be done to encourage children to eat Wo forcing them (aka spoon on the lip, you’re not leaving until you’ve eaten X and Y)
eg children can’t leave whenever they want but have to wait (eg a certain length of time/everyone has finished ….)
Encouragement from staff
Food that is appealing
Mixing children who eat with those who dint etc….

I mean I haven’t seen many children in private nursery not eating lunch like this. Rather seeing other children eating stuff they don’t usually eat is an encouragement for them to try. We could build up from that/use similar techniques.

Were not allowed to force a child to eat

Thank goodness for that.

You are only seeing one mealtime. Its ok if they don't eat much at lunch if they area also having breakfast and dinner.

@SausageinaBun you’re right that there is a great pressure on the dcs to eat quickly because they usually don’t have enough room in the hall/time so that all children can eat.

That doesn’t help either…..

It's really good that children know when to say no to not overeating. Most of us lose that as adults which leads to obesity (and I say that as an obese person). I would never push or even encourage food on anyone if they weren't hungry or didn't want it.

Its ok if they don't eat much at lunch if they area also having breakfast and dinner.

On a nutritional pov, I’m going to fully disagree with that. Children are not suppose to do intermittent fasting as a matter of course.

What happens when a child doesn’t eat lunch (assuming they’ve had a real proper b’fast), is that their blood sugar drops and they are not as able to concentrate in the afternoon. They then come out of school at 3.30pm ravenous and eat crap, sorry they have an afternoon snack. Very often a packet of crisps, biscuits etc… And it’s all so usual that parents come to do the pick up with said snacks.
If it was ok fir them to not have lunch or eat so little, they would behave that way!

And of course, many children dint have breakfast or only a sugar ladden one. How are those children going to get the nutrients they need in that way?

You’ve missed my point.

I’m fine with my DC deciding it’s too noisy, or that they’d rather play than eat. The consequence is mild (they get hungry later) and I think it should be up to them to make that decision.

I don’t think that being told to stay in a noisy environment they’re not enjoying or to eat things they don’t like is a good thing. I want them to self regulate - to decide for themselves that they don’t like the food much but need to eat some otherwise they’ll be hungry later, or that they’d rather be hungry later than stay in a hot, noisy hall.

I really don’t want an adult in authority over-ruling my DC’s choices around food purely because it worries that adult when they see children not eating. That’s the adult’s problem, it shouldn’t be a problem for my kids.

Do you have a procedure for children not eating?

At our school the lunchtime supervisor will tell the teacher of that class, or the member of teaching staff who line managers the lunchtime staff.

This is then fed back to classroom staff, who,will let parents know,

We always have spare fruit, so can encourage them to eat a little where possible, in the afternoons.

By ensuring the information is passed in it means it can be recorded properly, so a pattern can be seen, etc on many cases.

Most schools don't have the opportunity to just have extra food sat waiting, as the meals are provided by outside agencies and then either cooked in site or nearby.
We can only have items on the lunch that are on that day's menu.
They do try keep items separate though, so the pasta won't always have sauce in it until served, etc. but this isn't always the case.

There is always plain fruit available. And always bread and butter.

But many schools have limited control over the rest.

Try not to worry. My son is autistic and food averse. Sometimes he doesn’t eat at all at school (and there from 7.30-5) despite me packing him a “safe” lunch. He’s not dead yet! He has his multivitamins before school, he’ll have his calorie drink at home. He’s happy enough!

It's great that school meals have got healthier and standards are higher, but the result of that is going to be a large number of children who are much less willing to eat the food than if the school was serving up bland "beige" or freezer food. Because as far as they're concerned, the food isn't 'safe' to them.

My DC has a fairly healthy diet at home of all sorts of foods that they would not dream of touching at school or at friends' houses. Broccoli or carrots? No problem at home. But they won't eat it at school because it is boiled or steamed to death and an odd light green colour (I've seen it myself 😂) and they won't eat it at their friend's house because their mum roasts all the veggies together in the oven and adds spices (friend has a more adventurous palate). Friend in turn looks with deep suspicion at the fishcakes and burgers we serve in our house.

Children are more sensitive to taste than adults and have many more taste buds. A baby has around 30,000, whereas a grown adult has 10,000.

If a child is regularly not eating much, we ask the kitchen staff to give them less.

There could be lots of reasons they don't want their food. Too noisy, don't like it, natural slow eater, chatting, want to go out to play, doesn't want to go out to play so eats tiny amounts slowly, too much food, the beans have touched their chips (yuk) etc, etc. You can ask what it is they don't like - sometimes it is something you can solve. Sometimes it's something you can't solve.

Occasionally there's a whole lot of shit going on in their little lives that you won't know about.

All you can do is encourage them to eat kindly, never force, and pass the info to the teacher/TA.

Most children sit in a safe area on the percentile charts and do not need direction to eat and are best left to follow their own appetite levels. Some children are overweight, some anorexic and these may have input from specialists, with direction given to the school

My DS didn't eat when he was arguing with his friend. He also has disliked some meals; from his description I would wonder if any child likes the cabbage, plain boiled potato and gravy chicken? When he's had packed lunch at summer camps, he is similarly variable on different days, but he generally eats less at lunch even at home. It could be helpful to suggest to school having some quiet zones for lunch for those who need it, and having the children design menus in class of what they WOULD like to eat, with voting. Be really open to let the kids say what they do and don't like, then work with the supplier and wider team to redesign menus. If the only veg that gets eaten is beans, then at least a few days each week should serve beans. For other veg, have it chopped up really small before adding to sauces, it's more likely little bits of veg get eaten (and enjoyed) in sauce than that huge lumps of plain cauliflower and broccoli will be touched by your average 4 year old.

DD’s school mandated school dinners for nursery kids. DD has an aversion to certain textures like sauces and custard. They complained she wasn’t eating. She said they insisted on putting gravy or custard on her food. So she couldn’t eat it. I asked them to leave the sauces off hers and they refused saying they couldn’t “support fussiness”.

so I paid £2.75 a day for them to throw food in the bin and brought her a packed lunch at 3:30pm. 🤷🏻‍♀️

we’re a family of night owls. She doesn’t want to eat before about 2pm anyway. She’s still eats her packed lunch after school (now 13 and diagnosed with ADHD).

Ok most children are better suited for grazing not 3 large meals a day.
It's good to listen to your body and know when you're full rather than eating for the sake of it.
Sociable lunchtimes are good for mental health if they're talking more and eating less that's fine.
School dinner halls are noisy distracting environments meaning it's hard to concentrate on eating.
If they're on dinners it's new textures and flavours that they're not used to.
All of that is fine. No kid ever suffered from not eating all their lunch - they just fill their face when they get home.

Obvs if you're looking at it from a good waste perspective then that's a whole other story!

This! They’ll be fine, we all eat too much in our society. It seems like you think forcing it is better.

You don’t need to do anything. Did you not get training in this before you started the job?

Just leave them be. The last thing they need is an interfering ‘supervisor’ force feeding them.