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Original poster

Primary policy. Girls must wear skirts?

101 replies

Skirtsonly · 14/09/2023 09:08

Can you help me word a letter around this issue?

My daughter (8) attends a school where the policy is shorts/shirts/jumpers for boys (only Yr 6 boys are allowed to wear trousers) and skirts/pinafore/shirts/cardigans for girls.

Last winter she wore one of her brothers handed down jumpers as she felt it was warmer than a cardigan, absolutely nothing was said.

This summer she took part in a show where she needed school shorts, and subsequently asked if she could wear them to school. She tends to spend half if her life upside down/cartwheeling etc. I didn't think there'd be an issue, and I'm pretty loathe to not use perfectly good clothing items.

But there is an issue. She's been told by several members of staff that she's not allowed to wear them. Nobody has approached me directly, but her dress is dirty (her skirt is at her dads house) She's put them on and was worried, so I've asked this morning at the school gate and have been told that she is not allowed to wear them. They agree they are the correct colour and the style would be fine if she were a boy. I've asked for a reason other than being a girl as to why she can't wear them and both the teacher and head teacher could not provide one other than she's a girl and therefore needs to wear a skirt. I can buy shorts to go under the skirt if I like.

I've politely said she will alternate between these her 1 dress and 1 skirt, I've pointed out there's a col crisis (they're aware I'm a single parent) and I'm not willing to spend more money on uniform when these are perfectly usable.

I need to submit a letter/email as to the reasons she's breaking policy? I'm not sure if I should just put what I have here or head down the route of the equality act? Would the act mean its unlawful to discriminate against a student based on their sex?

Or do I just ditch the shorts (despite the fact she is so much happier in them) and find the money to buy another dress/skirt?

OP posts:
TheBarbieEffect · 14/09/2023 10:42

Needmorelego · 14/09/2023 10:37

@TheBarbieEffect FFS it's a PRIMARY school.
Children shouldn't be denied an education at the local primary because of some silly clothing rules.

Oh calm down with the hysterics. Nobody is being denied an education 🙄

Original poster
Skirtsonly · 14/09/2023 10:42

I wasn't asking if I was being unreasonable, hence I posted in chat rather than AIBU.

Thank you for all your replies though (even the ones that don't agree) I think I'll see what they say at the end of the school day today and then submit a formal enquiry. I wonder if my DD can put this forward at School Council which is where the kids are meant to get their own say on policies etc?

OP posts:
skgnome · 14/09/2023 10:44

It’s a ridiculous rule
the uniform loving all girls private school my DD attends has trousers as an option
the uniform policy does needs to be updated
is there a parent council you can join and push for a more fair uniform policy?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Clothing General education General style & beauty Primary education
sashh · 14/09/2023 10:45

I don't think primary uniform is compulsory is it?

Anyway how do the school know she is not identifying as a boy on the day she wears shorts?

But it is sex discrimination, for both isn't it?

It's also discriminatory against muslim and orthodox Jewish girls unless they allow long skirts which are not really practical at primary.

I'd probably word a letter asking why they are reinforcing stereotypes, discriminating on at least two protected characteristics of the equality act and finishing off with something about, do with do teachers enjoy seeing girls underwear when they are playing?

Needmorelego · 14/09/2023 10:48

@TheBarbieEffect actually some children do get denied an education due to uniform rules. True not so much in primary but at Secondary some parents will purposely not apply for a school because the uniform is too expensive even though that school would the best school for their child and it's a 5 minutes walk from home so they end up at not that great school on the other side of town.
Children are sent to isolation meaning they are missing their lessons because they are wearing grey socks instead of black because their parents is having to wait until pay day to go to the launderette and there was only grey clean.

FirstYouGetTheMoney · 14/09/2023 10:51

Skirtsonly · 14/09/2023 10:27

Oh Hi Headteacher!!! 👋

Was that directed at me?

I’m not any kind of teacher, but you just invented a right that doesn’t exist.

Parents like you must be a nightmare, demanding that precious Frogmella not be expected to follow the rules that others do.

Needmorelego · 14/09/2023 10:53

@TheBarbieEffect cheap canvas shoes (like plimsolls) were basically mass produced so poor children had shoes to attend school as their parents couldn't afford "proper" shoes.
It's heartbreaking that we as a society are going back to Victorian style that if a family can't afford specific clothes their children can't attend a specific state school.
Depressing. So depressing.

Velvian · 14/09/2023 10:59

I think it is appalling that skirts or dresses are the only option for girls. My DD would not have complied with that at all. She hasn't worn a skirt or dress since she was 2.

It is honestly easier to change your sex in school. Carry on with the 'boys' uniform OP. Make sure she is clean and smart. I really don't think they have a leg to stand on.

lifeturnsonadime · 14/09/2023 11:19

God it's depressing isn't it?

The fact that she could wear trousers if she says she's a boy and people will have to go along with it because discrimination but if she says she is a girl who wants to wear trousers she's breaking the rules?

What message are we really giving our daughters.

And I know some of the responses are tongue in cheek but even so!

TheBarbieEffect · 14/09/2023 11:20

Needmorelego · 14/09/2023 10:48

@TheBarbieEffect actually some children do get denied an education due to uniform rules. True not so much in primary but at Secondary some parents will purposely not apply for a school because the uniform is too expensive even though that school would the best school for their child and it's a 5 minutes walk from home so they end up at not that great school on the other side of town.
Children are sent to isolation meaning they are missing their lessons because they are wearing grey socks instead of black because their parents is having to wait until pay day to go to the launderette and there was only grey clean.

They’re still not being denied an education.

If a child is in isolation because their parent is behind on the washing there are other issues at play.

Again, stop with the hysterics. It’s not necessary. The rules are simple, comply or choose another school/home educate.

Needmorelego · 14/09/2023 11:30

@TheBarbieEffect no I know of children who had to sit at home for two weeks twiddling their thumbs because despite being given school places (in year transfer due to parent having to unexpectedly and quickly move house) the school wouldn't allow them to attend without full uniform and the parent simply couldn't get hold of it in the sizes needed (not generic stuff but specific logo stuff).
So definitely being denied an education.

BlackCatsAreBrilliant · 14/09/2023 11:33

Could the Let Clothes Be Clothes campaign group help you?

I was also under the impression that uniforms couldn't be enforced in state primaries. And have no idea how this bizarre policy is compatible with any Muslim children's needs.

Wolvesart · 14/09/2023 11:36

That’s a very old fashioned set of rules for a state school. I have a DC in sixth form, so I might be a bit out of date with this, but I do remember being told that uniform in a state primary could not be enforced as it wasn’t a requirement by law. Sorry don’t know if this still applies, but do sympathise 🙏

Needmorelego · 14/09/2023 11:36

@BlackCatsAreBrilliant not just Muslim children. Many other religious have clothing "rules". We had Christian Brethren children at my secondary and they wore very modest clothes and PE kit was allowed to be different.

TheBarbieEffect · 14/09/2023 11:39

Needmorelego · 14/09/2023 11:30

@TheBarbieEffect no I know of children who had to sit at home for two weeks twiddling their thumbs because despite being given school places (in year transfer due to parent having to unexpectedly and quickly move house) the school wouldn't allow them to attend without full uniform and the parent simply couldn't get hold of it in the sizes needed (not generic stuff but specific logo stuff).
So definitely being denied an education.

No, you cannot attribute that to the school.

No parent should have a child they cannot support and being unable to provide for them is nobody else’s fault but their own.

Good try, though.

Redebs · 14/09/2023 11:43

TheBarbieEffect · 14/09/2023 11:39

No, you cannot attribute that to the school.

No parent should have a child they cannot support and being unable to provide for them is nobody else’s fault but their own.

Good try, though.

Show quote history

That's ridiculous.
Some schools do have unreasonable uniform rules and implement sanctions that impact children's learning.

And it is up to schools to support families, not shame them.

Needmorelego · 14/09/2023 11:44

@TheBarbieEffect no it is a school being petty.
In that particular case the parent could easily afford the uniform, she could have bought several sets but the sizes for her children simply were not available because that years batch was still being produced at the clothing factory.
The uniform was ordered, it was on its way. Why could the school not let the children attend.
Because they were being petty.

Softtowel · 14/09/2023 11:48

TheBarbieEffect · 14/09/2023 11:39

No, you cannot attribute that to the school.

No parent should have a child they cannot support and being unable to provide for them is nobody else’s fault but their own.

Good try, though.

Show quote history

What a ridiculous statement.

There are many reasons a parent struggles financially that may not be their own fault - redundancy, fled domestic abuse relationship, cost of living crisis, partners death, mental health… the list could go on and on.

Give your head a wobble.

Topseyt123 · 14/09/2023 14:59

It's just these sorts of ridiculous and outdated uniform rules that turned me from being very pro school uniform as my kids embarked on their school careers to wanting to abolish it completely by the time they left school.

I started primary school in 1971(!!!). The uniform policy in the school I went to was the same as OP describes, with the exception that uniform was optional anyway. Many wore it but a fair number didn't. No issues.

To all of those saying that if you don't agree with the uniform policy then choose a different school, just where do you live where this wide range of choices of school is available? Where I live there is just one primary school. No other choice.

To anyone (same poster/s mostly) saying that people who couldn't support their children financially should not have had them, you've obviously never been made redundant suddenly, or had to take a cut in pay or hours for any reason. Lucky you! Job loss, serious illness, accidental injury and resulting disability can strike without warning while the children you already have and could previously support with reasonable ease are still growing up. You can't send them back so stop being judgy and wind your necks in!

Reugny · 14/09/2023 15:11

FirstYouGetTheMoney · 14/09/2023 10:51

Was that directed at me?

I’m not any kind of teacher, but you just invented a right that doesn’t exist.

Parents like you must be a nightmare, demanding that precious Frogmella not be expected to follow the rules that others do.

Show quote history

👋

Reugny · 14/09/2023 15:12

Oddly I'm currently listening to LBC where they are discussing school uniform rules.

Alargeoneplease89 · 14/09/2023 15:16

I think its quite sexist. I would buy some preloved skirts and turn them into a skort 😂

Seagullchippy · 14/09/2023 15:16

GiraffeLaSophie · 14/09/2023 09:21

This summer she took part in a show where she needed school shorts, and subsequently asked if she could wear them to school. She tends to spend half if her life upside down/cartwheeling etc. I didn't think there'd be an issue, and I'm pretty loathe to not use perfectly good clothing items.

If the school policy is that girls must wear a skirt, a pinafore or a dress then why did you assume there wouldn’t be an issue? She’s breaking the uniform policy. It’s not a policy I agree with either, but that doesn’t mean you can ignore it without good reason. They’ve also said she can wear shorts under the skirt, so the cartwheeling isn’t an issue.

It's illegal to try to force people to dress according to gender presentation or according to sex, so nobody would imagine for a second that the school could possibly be serious.

Seagullchippy · 14/09/2023 15:18

TheBarbieEffect · 14/09/2023 11:39

No, you cannot attribute that to the school.

No parent should have a child they cannot support and being unable to provide for them is nobody else’s fault but their own.

Good try, though.

Show quote history

Don't make up lies based on your personal projections.

DinnaeFashYersel · 14/09/2023 15:25

I'd continue sending her in school shorts and trousers.

And contact the school to inform them that's what you will for doing.

If boys can wear them so can girls.

My daughter hasn't worn a skirt or pinafore since P1 as she doesn't like them. She was the only one to start with but done years on now and quite a lot of the other girls do the same now too.