A message from an ‘ugly’ woman

[Over40Overdating]

I am, by all conventional standards, an ‘ugly’ woman.

I am not, and never have been, beautiful. Never pretty or attractive. On a good day with some good light, I could possibly pass for striking.

This awareness has crippled my self esteem for years, to the point of developing a phobia of mirrors and pictures. I have no pictures of me from 14 until recently.

Tonight, on my way home from work, 2 young women got on the trains opposite me and started discussing and laughing loudly about how deformed and ugly my face I was.

I didn’t challenge them because I am middle aged and knackered and didn’t fancy my chances with two very loud, much younger women, but I realised I don’t actually care.

For so long, someone calling me ugly or unattractive to my face would have been my worst nightmare but it happened and instead of the world ending, I’ve realised I no longer care about my face or how it’s viewed.

I don’t know if it’s age, peri menopause, life experience or being too tired to care, but for the first time in my life I feel like I am more than the sum of my facial features and very much like who I am regardless of what I look like.

I feel free. Like a giant weight I have been dragging around my whole life has suddenly dropped off. I wish I’d had this realisation decades ago! I wish I could tell younger me my wonky face doesn’t actually matter in the grand scheme of things. I have a life I am proud to have created and many things to celebrate and not a single one of them relied on me having a conventional looking face.

So fellow ‘ugly’ women, please come join me on a ‘DGAF’ thread.

Reassurance about your face ‘not being that bad really’ is banned.

Celebration of all the many other things you are than your physical appearance encouraged!

@OnAFrolicOfMyOwn lol, I don't think my forehead is massive but then, I never see that as a 'thing'
I'll be honest, of I had the money to change any (or all) of these things then i would.
I know beauty lies within etc, I believe that. I know I'm a good person. But as a single person, I do think no one would be interested. Who has time to realise, you're a good person?

Who has time to realise, you're a good person?

In my case, someone who is in as similar a boat as is reasonably possible for a man - my husband has spent his life being mocked for his very small, skinny, weedy physique - not the same, I don't think it ever can be for a man, but he was used to being ignored by women in favour of taller, stronger types - especially as he didn't have the 'redeeming' features of wealth or a high salaried job. We are two unattractive (to others) people who thankfully looked beyond outward appearance on first meeting to find we had lots in common.

What are 'flappy knees'? I have knees like a Belarussian shotputter, is it the same thing?

I just don't know how to describe it but the tops of my knees are about 50% larger than the bottom half 🤣 always been like this. I never, ever have worn a skirt/dress with bare legs.

Well, I think they sound charming!

She took the trouble to post on mumsnet and ever tone responded with the your beautiful inside don’t worry - I guess she needed to hear it but nothing further to add

My list-

Thinning hair almost to the point of bald at the back. My mother is bald at the back and so that's my future too.
Massive pointy nose.
Thin, almost non existent lips.
Fat cheeks.
Pale.
Abnormally small ears.
Flat chest.
Bloated stomach so I look 3 months pregnant.
Weird bendy arms which makes people ask me if I have ever broken my arm (I haven't)
Yeah. Gigi Hadid won't be worrying about having anyone try and steal her modelling work that's for sure.

Oh, sure. For anyone who wants to stay home the rest of her life.

I heard about someone like that once. She had been a great beauty and when, in middle age, men stopped fawning on her, she became a recluse.

what the actual? LOL! Maybe we are just effed off with other people assuming we need to be instagrammed to within an inch of our lives!

wrinkles and grey hair and fat belly here x

Well I personally don't think I am ugly but I am getting too old to care anyway! I tend to have resting bitch face (which I am happy with). I use make up and try to dress smartish. Though I badly need to colour the greys on my head.

I can tell you I am glad I do not look like any of the fakes on Married at first sight with their gaping trout pouts and really odd eye lashes.

@Webmeister999 your business sounds interesting! What do you do?

I honestly want to weep when I see all these pumped up lips and cartoon eye lashes. All the while what nature gave them underneath looks lovely.

I think that look is on the way out now, tbh. God knows it's been around long enough but I think the inevitable push-pull is finally having an effect.

Does anyone else wake up and want to rip their face off.....? Just me?

I hate myself. I am the definition of unattractive, ugly, grotesque.... I despise my face. It's just... not right.

Firstly I am lopsided. My face droops on the left side. I am so wrinkled it's scary (48 yrs), I have acne scars all over my face and neck, 'smile lines' that look like they've been left by carving my cheeks out, acne, hyperpigmentation, thin lips, sparse eyebrows.... hate my non existent chin, thinning grey hair..... no wonder my ex cheated!!!!!!!!!

This is obviously just my face, don't allow to continue with my body!!!!!!

I am just one of life's ugly people.

no wonder my ex cheated!!!!!!!!!

Tiger Woods was married to a Swedish model. Beyonce, Eva Longoria, the list goes on and on. If beauty were what made men faithful, Hollywood would be the land of fidelity!

@SarahBeara1 I felt like this for a very very long time. I’m not sure I’ll ever be totally at peace with the mirror but I am not wasting any more time stressing about it because I can’t change it! I also realise now I was more critical of myself than anyone else on earth would ever be, so I’m trying to focus on the good points. A pp referred to someone being ‘Jolie laide’ earlier in the the thread and I’ve tried to embrace that philosophy.

But please know your ex cheating on you had nothing to with how you look and everything to do with him being a cheating twat. The most beautiful women in the world have been cheated on!

Don't excuse your ex @SarahBeara1 and make yourself the problem. He cheated, his actions, not yours. Please take it easy on yourself, sorry you feel bad. You'll find comfort here I hope.

Mafsuk has lots of these hideous plastic people on it and much questionable hairstyles. Take heart ladies of the thread and look at that programme to see what ugly really looks like :)

I was going to start my own thread on this but as I already added some of my issues here I'll vent. I'm feeling really shit. Probably time of the year...
Thinning hair around the hair line.
Lined forehead. I'm early 30s ffs
Scarred face from chicken pox.
Rosacea.
Blepharitis flare ups.
Uneven eyes. One is hooded. Makes eyebrows uneven too.
No eyebrows to speak of. Very fair.
Short, fair eyelashes.
Bags and dark circles. No amount of sleep and water helps.
Big nose. Almost bulbous.
Enlarged pores.
Wonky teeth. Very Wonky.
Slooped shoulders.
Small breasts
Hip dips
Flabby thighs
Awful knees
Red bumps on legs
My second toes are longer than the big toes.

Happy Friday and a merry Christmas.

Goodness me. What a list.

Huge belly! Major thing. Completely put of proportion with the rest of me. How could I forget 😅

I'm ugly and can't look at myself

I get it. I've no photos for my son to look back on, I only look in the mirror when I have to and only specific areas, not the whole face. No full length mirrors.
Hate beauty expectations.
Hope you find happiness/comfort in yourself.

I’m not ugly but this thread resonates as I had a discussion along these lines with a friend the other day. She says she is ugly - I adore her on all levels but she is certainly “plain” as my DM would say, so this is timely I came on to say two things;

1. those women on the train are bitches, who even does that?!?
2. I realised for the first time the other week (I am 42) that I DONT OWE IT TO ANYONE TO LOOK NICE/PRETTY. It suddenly hit me like a bolt - literally always been subconsciously taught as a “pretty child” that my duty was to look good. It’s been a revelation.

It is sad when people feel the need to comment.

I just think of some famous women in days gone by that had a 'look'. Not stunners but very individual looks. Also there was a French model who was very plain with a hard little face but when she was 'gussied up' in wigs, hairpieces and the lashes and the like looked totally different. Not that I am suggesting that all women who think themselves ugly should go down that route. Anyway I think the lash and trout pout brigade look ugly. One passed me in superdrug and I nearly screamed!

I think also as we age we could not give much of a fuck what people think of us. I don't consider myself to be ugly though I do wear make up (for my own enjoyment, not for anyone else!).

Yes, it's crushing to know that when you've went through life looking ugly to some people it's like a free pass to call you what they like, these individuals are ugly pieces of s**t, I should know I've had the worst treatment for years, family, men, random individuals on the street calling me ugly even saying I'm monstrous looking, funny looking I often wondered if i had a genetic disorder but never been tested, i look like i have but I'm so old now I'm past the point of no return, i bet most of yous are average looking not ugly, this is what odd and this is what ugly looks like, if my own mother said I was ugly then I guess everyone else has been right so far, I've been shouted out, spat at, ostricized for looking ugly