A message from an ‘ugly’ woman

[Over40Overdating]

I am, by all conventional standards, an ‘ugly’ woman.

I am not, and never have been, beautiful. Never pretty or attractive. On a good day with some good light, I could possibly pass for striking.

This awareness has crippled my self esteem for years, to the point of developing a phobia of mirrors and pictures. I have no pictures of me from 14 until recently.

Tonight, on my way home from work, 2 young women got on the trains opposite me and started discussing and laughing loudly about how deformed and ugly my face I was.

I didn’t challenge them because I am middle aged and knackered and didn’t fancy my chances with two very loud, much younger women, but I realised I don’t actually care.

For so long, someone calling me ugly or unattractive to my face would have been my worst nightmare but it happened and instead of the world ending, I’ve realised I no longer care about my face or how it’s viewed.

I don’t know if it’s age, peri menopause, life experience or being too tired to care, but for the first time in my life I feel like I am more than the sum of my facial features and very much like who I am regardless of what I look like.

I feel free. Like a giant weight I have been dragging around my whole life has suddenly dropped off. I wish I’d had this realisation decades ago! I wish I could tell younger me my wonky face doesn’t actually matter in the grand scheme of things. I have a life I am proud to have created and many things to celebrate and not a single one of them relied on me having a conventional looking face.

So fellow ‘ugly’ women, please come join me on a ‘DGAF’ thread.

Reassurance about your face ‘not being that bad really’ is banned.

Celebration of all the many other things you are than your physical appearance encouraged!

Tbh I have a massive head, no contouring in the world can counter that. I'm also fucking ugly :(. What can a person do. Life is shit.

You sound amazing … you know however conventionally ‘pretty’ someone is, it takes me 5 minutes to see them as physically revolting if they are unpleasant. Charisma, intelligence, kindness, humour transforms a person and it sounds like you have all those qualities in spades 😊

That’s has made me cry with sorrow and rage at the unjust society we live in. That just because they can people feel free to be so in kind and cruel. I am so sorry fo you… but what a turn around and you carry on not giving a f**k ! Please. I send you much love and hugs xx

As a fellow ugly I'm so sorry that happened to you, Iv never understood why people believe they have the right to belittle anyone let alone in public, I'm still not fully there at excepting my uglyness. at times I hide from mirrors I don't have pictures of my face, it doesn't help a few years ago I developed bells and have never fully recovered and resemble a refrozen melted ice cream forgotten at the bottom of the freezer. I receive alot of comments no one ever trys to hide them from me. I'm learning to get over it but I'm not there yet and still don't leave the house unless it is need. I can't wait for the dgaf days.

Everything is so superficial these days and those young girls have just demonstrated that perfectly! I’m so sorry you had to deal with that, they should be utterly ashamed of themselves! On the flip side I am thrilled that you have finally made peace with your demons. Sod the lot of them!!

Love this! I'm jumping onboard x

What makes those girls so bledy perfect, who are they and why do they have the right to be rude about someone so blatantly. You rock lady and don’t forget I bet you’re beautiful inside and out!

Years ago when my kids were in a double buggy still I was stopped in the street by an older lady who complimented me on my beautiful children and then said ‘is their dad good looking?’ I knew exactly what she was trying to say.
Also wanted to say, randomly that im
so in agreement with those self checkout cameras and photos can be cruel too (was recently my bday and had some friends over, I look awful in most of the pics 😞).

I'm a fellow ugly and had a lot of negative comments over the years (including, one particular delight of "You're a neck down person").
I'm really at peace with it, since having an Hysterectomy last year. I became at peace, too, with being overweight, although zi actually lost a lot of weight after my op, as was so ill, but could walk properly again for the first time in years!
I like my ugly face. I'm prematurely wrinkled, have an enormous wonky nose and wonky eyes, but I have nice eye colour and a big, goofy smile that lights up my face.
I like my personality more; I was a bitter, unhappy person for many years. I am no longer so.
Having fought more personal battles than the average person could cope with, I'm incredibly strong, but also vulnerable.
I've become a great Mum (after a rocky first few years, where I needed SS involvement) and my twin DDs are pretty fricking inspirational kids, full of spirit and quirky humour, despite finding daily life mega tough (both have complex needs and are ND, like me).
Life is okay.
Those girls were ugly in their behaviour; they behaved cuntishly, even if they weren't cunts. They'll learn one day.

Nobody is ugly everyone has something

I'll take your word for it, I've been scrolling past them.

Imagine describing women as "A good fuck of 100kg…’" and then describing that phrase as "an opinion given in good faith" 😂

But ok, maybe if I was a Brit you would also tell me to go away (back to England?)

If you were literally any nationality including British I would tell you to go away because the way you described women was disgusting.

People didn't tell you to go away because of your nationality.

They told you to go away from the thread because you sound like a raving misogynist and funnily enough, they aren't hugely welcome on largely female discussion forums like this.

Babe, I'm so sorry those 2 braindead scumbags did what they did, it's a weird world where you're treated like filth if you don't look like Barbie or Ken! But you know what? THEY are the ugly ones, both inside and out.

I've always also been ugly, apparently as a newborn baby I strongly resembled my mother's brother, who I never met, who was apparently a wife/woman beater, pervert and paedo, from what I was told he was a facially ugly bugger too so that was a good start for me to resemble that bag of rot!

Then as a child, teenager and adult I was still as ugly as hell, constantly turned down for jobs even though I was capable of doing them, no man would look at me, told to my face countless times how ugly I am, blah blah. I'm 5'1, 17 stone, physically disabled, my disabilities are why I'm so huge and can't shift the weight but I'm constantly told how greedy I am even though I just eat normally.

My parents told me they were extremely disappointed that I wasn't tall, slim and beautiful, physically active, they wanted grandkids that I refused to give them...I don't like kids and chose never to have any when I was 6.... I didn't marry until I was 42, to a man who says personality is far more important that physical looks, years years after both parents finally snuffed it.

I'm 58 now, It got to the stage where I really just didn't give a hoot what anyone thought of me, whatever the reason for me being on this planet, it's not to be everyone else's object of ridicule!

But while these trolls are mocking others for their physical appearance, they're the same ones that bow down to worship druggies, criminals and the Kardassians so that shows me what sort of boring empty lives they have!

Sweetie, get out there and show everyone who is BOSS!

It's fabulous that you're feeling this way and I hope it continues. Shame on the people laughing!!! Looks are not important and I wish I had been brought up to feel confidence not attached to how I look.

I had a similar moment recently. I was in the park with my kids when a Dad, quite a bit younger than me, decided to have a go at me over some silly thing that happened with his DS and mine. He shouted at me, "look at the state of you". Look at your fat tummy, I can't recall the exact words. I realised I actually didn't give a fuck. My worth is not linked to whether or not people (men in particular). Think I'm attractive. I don't actually care. I'm 44, overweight mother of 4. I think it's age. Everything I've been through good or bad has made me who I am. I don't care what young men or even women think or anyone for that matter. I've been loosing weight to be more healthy, not because I need validation over my body shape. I have quite a plain average face. I used to wear a lot of make up, I don't even do that now. It's more about who you are, not what you are. Like you OP I spent too long feeling insecure and sad about it. Not anymore though!

I feel that what Roald Dahl wrote is true. If you feel lovely and you're a lovely person it makes you look attractive. I used to feel ugly but realized that for me, the difference was confidence and smiling. I also found makeup and photo filters help boost my confidence - I'm catfishing myself 😂

Quite. The irony is that the two posters who were jumping around like idiots shouting xenophobia were the same posters who made numerous derogatory remarks about the British. 🙄

I gave up last night - can’t argue with stupid.

Also … I interview about 240 people a month at the airport. It matters not a jot what shape, size or colour I am speaking to. As soon as they scowl, are arrogant or in other ways unpleasant they are instantly ugly. Some people just don’t know it though ..

I’ve always been plain looking but after this weeks passport photos I’ve realised how ugly old and fat I look. It’s broken my heart tbh 😩

TBH passport photos are always horrific. I mean, most people look SLIGHTLY or often a great deal better than those nuclear-flare shots taken with you looking unsmiling in a booth.

They do. @Idontgiveashitanymore, I look like a shifty, preternaturally ugly international terrorist with terrible hair, on mine — and I made a real effort to get better ones this time, as my last passport photos were taken when I had a small baby, so I looked like the same shifty terrorist, but grey with exhaustion and misery into the bargain.

That’s really mean . It obviously does bother you though . Enough to come on here a validate what you feel about yourself and encourage others to say they are ugly too . I think you should ignore the comments and if you are as confident as you say don’t air it because all it does is get other people to validate you . I don’t think you are ugly and I do think it is mean .

She was sharing her epiphany and the peaceful point she's reached in order to support and encourage other women in her situation. Clearly it resonated with many others. If she was only posting for "validation", what are you posting for?

Good lord, of all the things to judge your looks on, don't use a passport photo. Everyone looks like a serial killer in those!