A message from an ‘ugly’ woman

[Over40Overdating]

I am, by all conventional standards, an ‘ugly’ woman.

I am not, and never have been, beautiful. Never pretty or attractive. On a good day with some good light, I could possibly pass for striking.

This awareness has crippled my self esteem for years, to the point of developing a phobia of mirrors and pictures. I have no pictures of me from 14 until recently.

Tonight, on my way home from work, 2 young women got on the trains opposite me and started discussing and laughing loudly about how deformed and ugly my face I was.

I didn’t challenge them because I am middle aged and knackered and didn’t fancy my chances with two very loud, much younger women, but I realised I don’t actually care.

For so long, someone calling me ugly or unattractive to my face would have been my worst nightmare but it happened and instead of the world ending, I’ve realised I no longer care about my face or how it’s viewed.

I don’t know if it’s age, peri menopause, life experience or being too tired to care, but for the first time in my life I feel like I am more than the sum of my facial features and very much like who I am regardless of what I look like.

I feel free. Like a giant weight I have been dragging around my whole life has suddenly dropped off. I wish I’d had this realisation decades ago! I wish I could tell younger me my wonky face doesn’t actually matter in the grand scheme of things. I have a life I am proud to have created and many things to celebrate and not a single one of them relied on me having a conventional looking face.

So fellow ‘ugly’ women, please come join me on a ‘DGAF’ thread.

Reassurance about your face ‘not being that bad really’ is banned.

Celebration of all the many other things you are than your physical appearance encouraged!

@Britneyfan I don’t like that, it makes me feel like I can’t be happy and have a healthy mind because I’m disabled and can’t be active.
Please check your privilege, you’re not stuck in a wheelchair like me.

Sorry, that wasn’t @Britneyfan it was @SemynonA and I don’t have an edit button sorry

Are you suggesting there’s some kind of negative correlation between conventional attractiveness and intelligence in women? I hope not, because that’s a misogynistic trope that should have died a death years ago.

I had terribly bad skin from the age of 11 onwards, it’s still not great and I’m now in my mid 40’s. I don’t wear make-up any more and rarely did as my skin always reacted afterwards. I’m also overweight and have never been in a “healthy” weight bracket.

I don’t give two hoots anymore what other people think of me. I’m a proud hag.

Decide that you are beautiful, however you look like, and you are

I suppose it's well-meaning, but honestly. The real world does not agree.

What a horrible experience, I am sorry for anyone who suffers from similar events such as this, but I'm glad you posted this thread op.

I have realised I'm not beautiful, but somehow I must convey an approachable air as people appear drawn to talk to me, and I'm grateful for this. I've spoken to some really interesting people, which has really enriched my life even if the conversation has been only for minutes. I think this has happened even more since I've hit my 50s.

The only thing I'd say is please take the photos, I hate all mine, but recently following bereavements I've looked through photos of them, who also hated their photo being taken, and all I see is beauty. It's made me decide to just go with the flow, look at my photo and think mmnnhh, but don't press delete. They are a moment in time, a memory of that moment and not a true reflection.

I had a similar, growing epiphany about my body. I’m overweight and have terrible cellulite. I wear well fitting, good quality bikinis on holidays and the beach and couldn’t give two hoots what people think.

Big love to you, OP. Don’t know what you look like on the outside, but I see you’re beautiful on the inside.

You know what I have a couple of theories here….first of all I’ve never met a person who is actually beautiful inside and out?
secondly, I’ve always thought how sad it must be to be beautiful and then each day looking in the mirror as you age and watch that beauty fade?
So, I’ve been happy all my life trying to make the most of myself with a bit of lippy and a smile…..I hate photos and I hate mirrors but I wouldn’t change a thing. We are blessed having life and need to make the best of it whatever we have.
chubby, 5ft, blonde going grey but happy 😜and ignoring those who openly judge by looks alone - what a sad life to lead

Are you sure they were definitely commenting about you? Most people aren't beautiful- you see all sorts of folk out and about.

Lamp solidarity.

first of all I’ve never met a person who is actually beautiful inside and out?

I know plenty! But then if I think someone’s beautiful on the inside I tend to find them beautiful on the outside too. The problem is, as mentioned earlier, that people judge you before they’ve had a chance to find out what you’re like on the inside.

When I feel ugly I look at pictures of
my cousin. She also has a very successful career and lots of friends. Which I don’t.

Looks aren’t everything.

I know people who are beautiful inside and out.

I also know people who are beautiful on the surface, but unpleasant inside and that shows in their faces.

Why does it even matter 👀

Mate, I think this is meant as a supportive message, but it’s really offensive.

‘A good fuck of 100kg…’.

Shut the fuck up.

Absolutely this! You beat me to it.

That's such a complete misfire, man.

Tractors. Mec.

I come from a village in the South of Europe where we say that women are like tractors, what matters is the horsepower not the truck shell.

In today's episode of "what object are women?", we are tractors.

A good fck of 100kg that looks like me but without the beard, is far more attractive than a Seastar of 50kg with a pretty face.*

You know that voice in your head before you posted this that was saying "maybe, just maybe, you should keep this to yourself? This juuust might not be quite the audience for it?"

Listen to it next time.

I am always amazed by how much women in general think men care about their weight and faces.

I am always amazed when men post absolute garbage on here and think it's enlightening.

Please go away.

‘A good fuck of 100kg…’

I'm dying 😂😂😂😭

Congratulations OP, there is so much more to everyone than how they look!

I used to look vaguely ok ish but menopause/middle age and kids has seen everything collapse alarmingly. If I meet people I haven't seen for a long time I'm sure they are thinking 'gosh she's lost her looks'! But I'm trying not to be too bothered.

I remember in my late teens there was a local lad that all the girls raved about. When I met him, I (am ashamed to say) was amazed, and couldn't understand the hype as he was facially really quite un-good looking. But I soon got to know him better and realised that he was in fact incredibly attractive. He was funny and charming and amazingly confident, I soon understood why all the girls fancied him. (I also got a snog one night and he was a fabulous kisser )!

It was a lesson to me even back then, that even we self conscious, looks-obsessed teenage girls could see past it when it mattered. I just wish everyone else would, all the time.......(and not just when the person is lucky enough to be a confident alpha male).

@OneGuy

A good fuck of 100kg…’

Jesus Christ.

FYI most of us women don't want to fuck men who speak about women like this.

Grim.

We are tractors and fucks, and this should make us happy.

Er....you think your foreign nationality (which I didn't know about - news flash, you're on the internet) is what I find offensive about you?

Next question, in your frame of reference: how many kilograms of fuck do you think we tractors should give about what you think?