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Original poster

Why am I getting nothing from Online dating?

59 replies

Privatelyliving · 11/09/2023 16:44

It's my first tentative attempt and apart from a handful of no effort messages (how ru?) I've had nothing. Not may likes either.

I think my profile's OK. Photos are all recent, natural and smiley. I'm 53, IMO I look a lot younger than most of the 53yo men who have liked me! I'm not glamourous but I don't think I look awful. In my blurb I've been positive, mentioned a number of interests and that DC are adults.

I haven't said what I'm looking for because I'm not sure. I'm not looking for "the one" but I'm also not looking for ONS.

FTB I'm going with the fact that I sound too independent and not miserable enough , Grin but I'd guess it's something else.

A lot of the men have written practically nothing in their profile?

If I'm honest I only joined to have a little play with it and see what happens, but I didn't expect it to be absolutely nothing!

OP posts:
RocketIceLollie · 11/09/2023 16:48

My husband says a lot of his mates are walking away from internet dating. Not sure if this is an accurate trend overall though.

ThisWormHasTurned · 11/09/2023 17:06

Important questions - which app are you using? What are your opening lines?

PermanentTemporary · 11/09/2023 17:11

Have you seen anyone you like the look of? Why not just make an initial move? I liked DPs profile. I didn't often make the first move but decided to that day. He responded. We've been dating for 3 years now.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
HashBrownandBeans · 11/09/2023 17:13

Make the first move, I did with my DH. He’d only just joined up and was incredibly nervous, I think my confidence won him over

Original poster
Privatelyliving · 11/09/2023 17:22

PermanentTemporary · 11/09/2023 17:11

Have you seen anyone you like the look of? Why not just make an initial move? I liked DPs profile. I didn't often make the first move but decided to that day. He responded. We've been dating for 3 years now.

Not really, they all seem so old and unfit.

I'm quite active, not a gym bunny by any means but all my interests are active and outdoorsy so the people I know irl are fit too. These people seem so much older and fatter than the ones my age I know irl and presumably these are their good pictures! Those who have written much about themselves it's all about curling up with a glass of wine or a fire.

I spent a year nursing a dying DH who didn't take any care of himself. I'm really not setting myself up to do that again.

OP posts:
Blough · 11/09/2023 17:32

The men your age will be targeting women in their 30s and 40s. OLD was described by someone on here as ‘circulating trash’. Dead eyed, fish holding dick pic sending sad sacks. An occasional potentially quality one can pop up, but they tend not to need an app to meet women 🤷🏻‍♀️

Blough · 11/09/2023 17:36

(Obviously I’m generalising)

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/09/2023 18:36

Blough · 11/09/2023 17:32

The men your age will be targeting women in their 30s and 40s. OLD was described by someone on here as ‘circulating trash’. Dead eyed, fish holding dick pic sending sad sacks. An occasional potentially quality one can pop up, but they tend not to need an app to meet women 🤷🏻‍♀️

So depressing 😢

Original poster
Privatelyliving · 11/09/2023 18:41

That will be it, I've set my upper age limit too low (at 5 years older than me).

But even the ones who claim to be 3 years younger look elderly compared to the people my age I know IRL. Not just looks, everything about them makes them seem like my dad's generation rather than my peers.

OP posts:
Russooooo · 11/09/2023 18:52

Which app are you on? Despite its reputation, I found the tinder the best (simply because it had the most men, and therefore the most options!)

dubyalass · 11/09/2023 18:55

I didn't get any bites last time I tried except for the "hi" or "hey how r u" ones you describe. I also didn't contact anyone myself but I just didn't see any profiles that interested me. I had to laugh at the description of fish-holding sad sacks - no shortage of them, along with profile pics that wouldn't look out of place in a police line-up.

I'm no supermodel myself but I did try to make an effort with my profile,not least to try to weed out the dross. I don't think I'll bother again.

Zippedydoodahday · 11/09/2023 19:00

5 years older is pretty restrictive. There may be lots of fit and active guys 6 or 7 years older.

DisorganisedParent · 11/09/2023 19:02

The good looking, well kept, head screwed on men of your age are all dating a decade younger, because they can. It was my experience of OLD and that of many of my friends too

Floofydawg · 11/09/2023 19:22

Zippedydoodahday · 11/09/2023 19:00

5 years older is pretty restrictive. There may be lots of fit and active guys 6 or 7 years older.

Yeah but what if they've all shaved 5 years off their actual real age and OP ends up with someone way older than she wants?

OP you have my sympathies. I did OLD for about 18 months and was eventually lucky enough to meet my now DH. The gems on there are rare. I think the paid sites attract a better quality of man. But I might be out of touch as that was 10 years ago.

Original poster
Privatelyliving · 11/09/2023 19:29

Oh dear, I need to do something, I keep showing myself up throwing myself at men IRL. I'm laughing, but it's not always funny.

OP posts:
Original poster
Privatelyliving · 11/09/2023 19:30

It's Match.com which was picked just because it was the first that offered itself to me. A mistake?

OP posts:
SingingKlingon · 11/09/2023 19:33

Blough · 11/09/2023 17:32

The men your age will be targeting women in their 30s and 40s. OLD was described by someone on here as ‘circulating trash’. Dead eyed, fish holding dick pic sending sad sacks. An occasional potentially quality one can pop up, but they tend not to need an app to meet women 🤷🏻‍♀️

They can target younger women all they want, but what decent 30 year old is gonna want a man 20 years older than her!

OP I'm roughly the same age as you. And have been OLD on and off for a few years.

First of all what App you using as PP has mentioned Tinder is probably the best. Most men on it. And you only chat to men you like.

If you're not getting matches on tinder I would get a good friend to critique your pictures.

I only put 3 on including a head shot (not filtered) and a body shot. No horse riding ones, scenic pictures, group photos or anything like that.

I only swipe right on men about 6 years younger than me. Sadly most single men in their 50s have really let themselves go.

If it's Tinder you're on, the problem is def your pictures if you're not getting matches.

Floofydawg · 11/09/2023 19:34

Privatelyliving · 11/09/2023 19:30

It's Match.com which was picked just because it was the first that offered itself to me. A mistake?

That's where I met my DH.

SingingKlingon · 11/09/2023 19:36

In my opinion match.com is shit. All the same people on tinder anyway!

I tried and paid for it once and got about 2 matches while on Tinder I have over 600 men who "like" me. Only been on a month. I paid for gold for a week.

Admittedly only a couple of the 600 did I swipe right on. But was good for the morale :)

Speedweed · 11/09/2023 19:38

Privatelyliving · 11/09/2023 19:30

It's Match.com which was picked just because it was the first that offered itself to me. A mistake?

Nah, go on all of them - there's no law against it and you'll just see the same old sad sacks circulating, they've normally got profiles all over the place.

I read of a study somewhere which established it takes 11 hours of scrolling and messaging on OLD apps to set up one date. That's one date - where you'll probably walk in and within 3 seconds you both decide nope.

It's just a horrible time suck. You'd be better off getting a morning's fishing pass and walking round the local course fishing spots to meet them in person at once.

Original poster
Privatelyliving · 11/09/2023 19:39

OMG. I've just had a message that begins "hello beautiful soul...." And another that says "hi darling...."

I quite liked men before I started this.

OP posts:
BCBird · 11/09/2023 19:44

Whst about Our time site. You have to be 50 to join. I met someone on there.

AMuser · 11/09/2023 19:45

Genuinely - if I were you Id go on Tinder as 49. Lots of quality 55 year old & lower men for eg will have 50 as their cut off.

On MN lying about your age is tantamount to killing puppies. In real life, most women do it. As long as you do genuinely look fresh and a bit younger and fess up on date 1 - no one gives a crap. Or they won’t if they like you anyway iyswim.

I met a lovely guy 2 years my junior on Tinder that I’m still with 2+ years on. He didn’t give a hoot about my shaving 3 years off on my profile and understood how the age categories go and how hard it is for women OLD.

Match was crap. Only Tinder and Hinge any good

aspirationalflamingo · 11/09/2023 19:48

Privatelyliving · 11/09/2023 19:39

OMG. I've just had a message that begins "hello beautiful soul...." And another that says "hi darling...."

I quite liked men before I started this.

Well, someone once told me that she had much better dating experiences once she gave up on men and started dating women instead. So you have options... 😁

Russooooo · 11/09/2023 20:40

Try Tinder. And give the boring messages a go! It’s hard knowing what to say in tbag first message. If they remain boring, then give up on them!