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Original poster

Ken Dodd's notebooks / his wife's decision

90 replies

randommm · 07/09/2023 12:49

A random one here but on the radio this morning I heard about how Ken Dodd's wife has published his notebooks, against his dying wish was that they be destroyed.

I'm not particularly interested in Ken Dodd, not my humour, and he was before my time, but I must admit I felt very shocked that his widow chose to go against his dying wishes so much. The notebooks feature some of his thoughts and ideas apparently, and will now be displayed to the public in an exhibition.

I think I can sort of understand her not wanting to burn the notebooks, and wanting to keep them for herself for her own private memories. But the idea that she's now putting them on display seems very sad given he expressly asked her (and presumably trusted her) to get rid of them.

AIBU?

OP posts:
girlfriend44 · 07/09/2023 12:55

I'm glad she did. He was a comic genius. Lots of people will enjoy the exhibition.

Original poster
randommm · 07/09/2023 13:08

Interesting. So you think it's ok for her to go completely against his wishes?

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 07/09/2023 13:10

I don't think it is nice thing to do. He must have had his reasons.

Wheresthebloomingsummersunshine · 07/09/2023 13:11

She's betraying his trust

Clingfilm · 07/09/2023 13:13

I was thinking the same OP, as much as I'd love to see them, he didn't want them seen.

stbrandonsboat · 07/09/2023 13:13

People should dispose of these before they die. Or not write things down at all. You can never trust people - even family.

MarigoldMaud · 07/09/2023 13:14

What a horrible bitch.

Desecratedcoconut · 07/09/2023 13:15

It's an arsehole move.

LookingForPurpose · 07/09/2023 13:17

Change not books to sex toys or wank videos. As a writer i can promise you that the things I write in my morning pages and diaries are for ME and not for public consumption. My notebooks are incredibly personal and I would be devastated if my family shared them publicly after my death.

EarringsandLipstick · 07/09/2023 13:17

It's horrible - and also, presumably if they are being published, there's money that will come to her. Makes it even more tawdry.

OvaHere · 07/09/2023 13:17

It's probably a morally grey area but to be blunt, dead is dead. If you want your writings destroyed so nobody reads them then you have to do it yourself before you die.

Even if his widow kept her word eventually these notebooks would pass on to future relatives who barely knew him or maybe not at all. So the chances of them being made public at some point were always high,

It's been about 5 years since he died and I think like a lot of promises, deathbed ones fade with time and perhaps feel like they matter less.

Alycidon · 07/09/2023 13:19

He's dead - it can't affect him in any way.

Greensleeves · 07/09/2023 13:20

LookingForPurpose · 07/09/2023 13:17

Change not books to sex toys or wank videos. As a writer i can promise you that the things I write in my morning pages and diaries are for ME and not for public consumption. My notebooks are incredibly personal and I would be devastated if my family shared them publicly after my death.

But you wouldn't be devastated, you'd be dead. Dead people don't have opinions or feelings.

I can't get excited about this because I really believe that death is an off-switch. Squeamishness about offending the dead, for me, is on a par with leaving milk out for the fairies.

HoneyPotts · 07/09/2023 13:26

It’s amazing what people will do for money. It’s never even crossed my mind that my partner would betray me like that after my death.

Desecratedcoconut · 07/09/2023 13:30

It's a rude betrayal and, while the deceased person is none the wiser, the callous disregard for their wishes is plain for the living to see. It's awful.

MotherEarthisaTerf · 07/09/2023 13:31

She's awful.

Original poster
randommm · 07/09/2023 13:39

I can't get excited about this because I really believe that death is an off-switch. Squeamishness about offending the dead, for me, is on a par with leaving milk out for the fairies.

I also think death is an off-switch, but I couldn't look in the mirror knowing I'd expressly gone against my husband's dying wish. Presumably he was too ill or infirm to burn the books himself, and so he asked his trusted life-partner. It would make me feel sad knowing I'd betrayed my loved one this way.

OP posts:
OvaHere · 07/09/2023 13:41

HoneyPotts · 07/09/2023 13:26

It’s amazing what people will do for money. It’s never even crossed my mind that my partner would betray me like that after my death.

I have some sympathy for her probable reasons. I went on to Wiki to read about his life.

They were together from the 1970s but unable to have children so no succession custodians to these notebooks. She might feel unable to destroy something that is not only a big part of who her husband was but has historical value too. I think I would find that difficult.

She appears to be elderly now too so perhaps she just feels she would rather organise a fitting exhibition herself than whatever would happen to them once she is dead too.

girlfriend44 · 07/09/2023 14:05

randommm · 07/09/2023 13:08

Interesting. So you think it's ok for her to go completely against his wishes?

Dosent matter what I think, she has made that decision and its nothing to do with us?

dottypotter · 07/09/2023 14:10

It's not for money.

It's her decision anyway. Lots of people loved Ken and will want to go to the exhibition.
Pointless Post. Dosent concern us.

Ducksinthebath · 07/09/2023 14:12

OvaHere · 07/09/2023 13:41

I have some sympathy for her probable reasons. I went on to Wiki to read about his life.

They were together from the 1970s but unable to have children so no succession custodians to these notebooks. She might feel unable to destroy something that is not only a big part of who her husband was but has historical value too. I think I would find that difficult.

She appears to be elderly now too so perhaps she just feels she would rather organise a fitting exhibition herself than whatever would happen to them once she is dead too.

Show quote history

That’s a very good point well put.

TheMarzipanDildo · 07/09/2023 14:16

Maybe he said it in a lighted hearted jolly kind of “ooh dear, best burn them when I’m gone, haha!” kind of way. I can’t think of any other reasonable explanation for putting them on display (I have sympathy with her wanting to keep them).

Incidentally, it’s the exact opposite to what Lord Byron’s wife did with his diaries (I.e burn them when he wanted them published) because they were presumably full of details about shagging his half sister/ young Greek men.

SirChenjins · 07/09/2023 14:16

I thought the same as you when I heard it on the radio OP. I think it’s incumbent upon the living relatives to respect their loved ones last wishes, regardless of whether or not we agree with them. This was obviously very important to him and as a result, given that they loved each other, it should have been important to her too. Forget the public - this was his decision to make.

Amortentia · 07/09/2023 14:20

Franz Kafka was an unknown during his lifetime and put it in his will that all of his writing was to be destroyed when he died. Obviously, that didn't happen. Someone saw value (not just monetary) in making his writing public and I'd like to think that is the case here.

blacksax · 07/09/2023 14:40

There would probably have been an outcry if she had done exactly as he'd asked and incinerated the whole lot. People would have complained that she had wantonly destroyed irreplaceable records, and there would have been a thread on here expressing disgust, and that she shouldn't have done as she was told, and that she should have saved them.