Ken Dodd's notebooks / his wife's decision

[randommm]

A random one here but on the radio this morning I heard about how Ken Dodd's wife has published his notebooks, against his dying wish was that they be destroyed.

I'm not particularly interested in Ken Dodd, not my humour, and he was before my time, but I must admit I felt very shocked that his widow chose to go against his dying wishes so much. The notebooks feature some of his thoughts and ideas apparently, and will now be displayed to the public in an exhibition.

I think I can sort of understand her not wanting to burn the notebooks, and wanting to keep them for herself for her own private memories. But the idea that she's now putting them on display seems very sad given he expressly asked her (and presumably trusted her) to get rid of them.

AIBU?

There’s a little bit more to Kafka’s works than that - Wiki explains it in simple terms https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Franz_Kafka

Perhaps she has finally read them and decided there isn't anything in them that would warrant them being destroyed. Or hidden.

If you were David Hockney's husband and he said he wanted his sketchbooks destroyed on death would you do it?

I agree with not destroying them, not so sure about them being on display, though I may go to the exhibition if only to see the tickling sticks.

Then you need to take care of that before you pop your clogs. To be blunt.

Swedish Death Cleaning is relevant here

I think it’s terrible and so disrespectful. If he wanted then destroyed, she should have destroyed them, not put them on show for everyone to see. What a strange woman.

If he wanted them destroyed, he should have destroyed them

He gave them to her in his will. He is dead.

You should be able to trust your spouse/partner of over 40 years not to betray your last wishes. I can’t imagine ever saying ‘not only am I going to ignore the wishes the partner I adored, I’m going to do it very publicly and put everything on display for nosey parkers to look at’.

Or conversely, looking at something that the owner specifically said he didn’t want me to see.

I heard her speak publicly about this a few weeks ago. I agree, I would have concerns if my own wishes were ignored. But, equally, I got the feeling with Lady Dodd that she is finally coming out of his shadow and having a life of her own. I think the dynamic was/is rather complicated.

I had exactly the same thought, Op. Like someone publishing his diaries. Not what he wanted.

I agree. I don’t think this is right.

I suspect her motives are financial.

I thought Ken Dodd was hilarious. I saw a gig of his once and couldn't stop laughing.

I felt like this at the Frida Kahlo exhibition at the V&A. It felt very uncomfortable to be looking at her half used lipsticks and nail varnishes. Like I was going through her bin.

id not buy this book for the same principle, it feels grubby.

Those of you who are vilifying his widow and accusing her of profiteering might perhaps wish to acquaint yourself with the facts first Here.

If we say that death is an off-switch and so it doesn't matter what somebody wished would happen to their property - because they're dead - why do we bother with wills?

There was another interesting similar-ish thread a few weeks ago - same scenario, but not a famous (now-deceased) person, so no question of releasing things for the wider public to see:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4866595-privacy-after-death?page=2&reply=128233294

I'm sure I read somewhere, a long time ago, that soldiers in the army have a 'brown envelope' in which they keep anything that they would want to be destroyed on their death (paperwork, photos, memory cards or whatever) - and then, if they should be killed in the course of their duty, the envelope is instantly burned, no questions asked.

It's tricky, as I can well understand people wanting to keep/see their loved ones' special items after the person is gone, but I think publishing them far and wide is very dubious.

Then again, maybe it's a matter of time. When archaeologists dig up and examine bones of people who've been dead for a century or more - and show them on TV even (Digging For Britain and the like) - there's every chance that person would probably not have wanted that to happen. Same thing as with Ken Dodd, really.

Is there a point at which we consider the life of a dead person to no longer be theirs - even in memory/legacy/consecration - and to have simply become public property?

He asked her to burn them, she didn't comply.

Yes, I know that but have you actually read her reasons for not complying?

I thought the same. its prompted me to burn my diaries!

Yes I did, his wishes should have been honoured as she promised.

yes! But she still went against his wishes.

Yes, I know that but have you actually read her reasons for not complying?

Granted, it doesn't look like the had £-signs in her eyes, but she deliberately lied to him in life and then went against his clear wishes after his death. Her main reason seems to be that she thought he shouldn't have wanted to happen to his own property what he clearly did.

I wonder if she rather resented his refusal to marry her until two days before he died ( at their age, being an unmarried partner was not so ‘acceptable). I believe he was always promising to marry her, but not quite yet …. So maybe she doesn’t respect his wishes more than he did hers?

Unhelpfully I would need to read them to know if she has made the right decision.

I thought the same. its prompted me to burn my diaries!

I can see how people must feel torn about it. If you're fortunate enough to be able to know that you're near the end of your life - i.e. not killed suddenly in an accident or otherwise - these are probably exactly the things that are most precious to you and what you want to spend your last days/weeks/months looking at, re-reading and reminiscing over.

I can imagine how people may be distraught if they burn something, to prevent it being seen by others or made public after they die, but then still living another year or two afterwards, desperately wishing they could see it one more time.

Ignoring the last wishes of a loved one just doesn't sit right with me.