Page 4 | Sunbathing topless, partner upset with me

Fairyhouses · 2023-09-05T20:36:01+00:00

Rang me on video call and I answered, was topless in my garden. I have neighbours however our fences are high and we all keep to ourselves-it would be VERY unusual for one of them to look over the fence for any reason, we never do that. DP was annoyed and upset and told me my across the road neighbour could see if he was upstairs (there's a humongous tree in the way so no!) and that I shouldn't' do it ever. Wouldn't continue talking to me until I put my bikini top back on. Any thoughts?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/09/2023 12:35

SpiderExtinction · 06/09/2023 08:43

Do people not consider their partners feelings these days? I think he has every right to feel uncomfortable about it, you're his wife and showing intimate parts of your body, he probably feels should be reserved for yours and his intimate relationship only.

The OP has no obligation to him about what she does with her own body.

He can choose his own boundaries on what he would accept in his relationship, but he certainly cannot put boundaries on her

In this example, he is saying "you can't do this" this is controlling behaviour and policing her body of which he has no right.

Him having his own boundaries would be "I don't want to be with someone who sunbathes topless". In this way, he polices his own choices. If he doesn't want a girlfriend or wife who sumbathes topless then he can choose to walk away. Certainly he should not be telling her not to!

SnowflakeCity · 06/09/2023 12:57

Him having his own boundaries would be "I don't want to be with someone who sunbathes topless". In this way, he polices his own choices. If he doesn't want a girlfriend or wife who sumbathes topless then he can choose to walk away. Certainly he should not be telling her not to!

His boundary was that he wasn't going to talk to her while she was topless in the garden. She had a choice to impose her own boundaries, say ok, we will talk later or put her top on.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/09/2023 13:16

True.

Original poster

Fairyhouses · 06/09/2023 15:39

Thank you for all the insightful (and hilarious) responses! I am envious that @HangingOver has a pole in her garden! yes maybe I shouldnt' have said 'Good Points' 😂
We've talked and as I thought, DP's take is 'You're not doing anything wrong I just don't like it'.

DP is a lot more 'strict' regarding nudity, won't get changed in front of anyone at sports/gym etc, not body confident. I appreciate I am not some sort of goddess but I really don't give a damn, a body is a body. Of course I'd not go walking down the street with nothing on, but in contexts like that I think It's fine and in my own garden where unless a neighbour deliberately hoiks themself up over the fence for a chat (literally hasn't ever happened!) nobody is going to see anything of any credibility. I appreciate they might look out of an upstairs window but even if they did, you can't make out much from that distance and they don't have to look and again, I don't really care if someone sees me without a top on. To quote a PP 'They're only tits' (I love that word now 😂).

Not usually controlling at all. Together three years. I go out whenever I want, I've been out with single friends of both genders, as has DP, we trust each other.

To clarify regarding sunbathing, I've had a really rough time recently with work and related MH. I haven't been abroad in over a decade and I don't sunbathe as a rule, yesterday I just fancied lying in the sun-I agree it isn't the healthiest thing for skin and there are risks but once in a blue moon I think I'll be okay.

OP posts:

Dolores87 · 06/09/2023 16:34

This is weird of him and I would ignore him.

TheWayofBeing · 07/09/2023 13:03

They're just breasts he needs to chill out. Nobody would glance twice in half of Europe and you're in your own garden with fences.

You're not his property and he doesn't own the view of your tits.

TheWayofBeing · 07/09/2023 13:09

AmazingSnakeHead · 06/09/2023 09:52

I think your body, your garden, your choice. But I might feel a bit awkward if I was just looking out my window and caught the eye of my naked neighbour!

She's not naked though it's just her boobs.

fairyfluf · 07/09/2023 13:20

Your boobs. Your say.

fairyfluf · 07/09/2023 13:21

Fairyhouses · 06/09/2023 15:39

Thank you for all the insightful (and hilarious) responses! I am envious that @HangingOver has a pole in her garden! yes maybe I shouldnt' have said 'Good Points' 😂
We've talked and as I thought, DP's take is 'You're not doing anything wrong I just don't like it'.

DP is a lot more 'strict' regarding nudity, won't get changed in front of anyone at sports/gym etc, not body confident. I appreciate I am not some sort of goddess but I really don't give a damn, a body is a body. Of course I'd not go walking down the street with nothing on, but in contexts like that I think It's fine and in my own garden where unless a neighbour deliberately hoiks themself up over the fence for a chat (literally hasn't ever happened!) nobody is going to see anything of any credibility. I appreciate they might look out of an upstairs window but even if they did, you can't make out much from that distance and they don't have to look and again, I don't really care if someone sees me without a top on. To quote a PP 'They're only tits' (I love that word now 😂).

Not usually controlling at all. Together three years. I go out whenever I want, I've been out with single friends of both genders, as has DP, we trust each other.

To clarify regarding sunbathing, I've had a really rough time recently with work and related MH. I haven't been abroad in over a decade and I don't sunbathe as a rule, yesterday I just fancied lying in the sun-I agree it isn't the healthiest thing for skin and there are risks but once in a blue moon I think I'll be okay.

Did you use suncream? It should be fine then.

SpiderExtinction · 07/09/2023 18:48

I would be mindful of the potential for a public order offence if you are on display to the public.

LifeIsShitJustNow · 07/09/2023 19:25

its her back garden though. Not the street or even the front garden….

LifeIsShitJustNow · 07/09/2023 19:25

SpiderExtinction · 07/09/2023 18:48

I would be mindful of the potential for a public order offence if you are on display to the public.

its her back garden though. Not the street or even the front garden….

SpiderExtinction · 07/09/2023 19:35

If someone exposes intimate parts of their body with the intention to cause alarm and distress to other people, it is an offence under section 66 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003. Just wanted the OP to bare it in mind. Don't want to be getting into bother.

SpiderExtinction · 07/09/2023 19:37

Even in your own garden if others can see.

Polis · 07/09/2023 19:42

Just wanted the OP to bare it in mind. Don't want to be getting into bother.

Ha ha.

SpiderExtinction · 07/09/2023 19:42

Polis · 07/09/2023 19:42

Just wanted the OP to bare it in mind. Don't want to be getting into bother.

Ha ha.

😂🤣 I didn't realise I did that

LlynTegid · 07/09/2023 20:23

Sunbathing how you wish in the garden, fine. If there was a video call to me and it was from a workplace or anywhere where someone could walk past, I would cover up in an instant. No way should someone at work see a colleague's family member with no top on, female or indeed male.

Original poster

Fairyhouses · 12/09/2023 00:28

I don't think anyone could prosecute me for 'intent to cause offence' because I had my top off in my own back garden. CPS would laugh at that.

OP posts:

alanrp42 · 28/01/2024 13:45

Does he somehow think that your breasts are his property that only he is allowed to see?

LuciaPillson · 29/01/2024 00:19

Dunno, if I had a provocatively playful partner parading his penis past the petunias, I'd possibly propose he pop it back in his pants 😁

Original poster

Fairyhouses · 29/01/2024 11:20

This is a zombie thread! But that response made me laugh @LuciaPillson
Aren't genitals a bit different to breasts though? I'd not wander around with my bits out.

OP posts:

LuciaPillson · 29/01/2024 12:08

Ah I try to watch out for the zombies but this one shambled up on me unawares.... 🧟

willowintheriver · 29/01/2024 13:55

My man sunbathes with his bollocks out, soaked in baby oil. I have no right to tell him not to. Worst that can happen is the woman across the street will peer through the blackberry bush and get an eyeful of his Ruby jewels. Who am I to control what he does with his body?!

alanrp42 · 29/01/2024 14:24

SpiderExtinction · 07/09/2023 19:35

If someone exposes intimate parts of their body with the intention to cause alarm and distress to other people, it is an offence under section 66 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003. Just wanted the OP to bare it in mind. Don't want to be getting into bother.

This part of the Sexual Offences Act only refers to exposing the genitals not to the breasts which are secondary sexual characteristics like men's beards or the shape of women's hips and legs. So far as I know there is no UK law about exposing the breasts. The only thing preventing women being topless in situations where men commonly are is social convention.