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Original poster

Sunbathing topless, partner upset with me

99 replies

Fairyhouses · 05/09/2023 21:36

Rang me on video call and I answered, was topless in my garden. I have neighbours however our fences are high and we all keep to ourselves-it would be VERY unusual for one of them to look over the fence for any reason, we never do that.

DP was annoyed and upset and told me my across the road neighbour could see if he was upstairs (there's a humongous tree in the way so no!) and that I shouldn't' do it ever. Wouldn't continue talking to me until I put my bikini top back on.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Mischance · 05/09/2023 22:38

You put your bikini top on ...... why?

Original poster
Fairyhouses · 05/09/2023 22:39

@PlipPlopChoo I probably would! Although genitals I do feel are a bit different somehow?

@moragmafs We will talk. I think I'll get a 'You're not doing anything wrong I just don't like it' or something like that.

And no not really, only if I want to go out in something that's got a hole in it or such (I'd only do this if walking the dog or something, DP is a bit more proud in that way).

OP posts:
moragmafs · 05/09/2023 22:44

@Fairyhouses

Hope the chat goes ok.

What do you want?

Fallingthroughclouds · 05/09/2023 23:01

InterFactual · 05/09/2023 21:41

Classic Mumsnet.

Show quote history

I totally agree. By the end of this thread, he will have been diagnosed as a narcissistic sociopath and there will be loads of divorce recommendations. It can be so OTT on here.

WhateverMate · 05/09/2023 23:04

moragmafs · 05/09/2023 22:31

@Gnomegnomegnome because they are in a relationship,

When you get into a relationship, you don't sign over the rights to your own body though?

It is in no way acceptable for him to tell her she's not allowed to sunbathe topless.

readbooksdrinktea · 05/09/2023 23:08

The FIL from the thread a few days ago can be topless in his house, and you can be topless in your garden. Your partner can feel a type of way about it, but he shouldn't tell you to stop doing it.

SummerInSun · 05/09/2023 23:15

Out of curiosity, if you had a baby, how would he feel about you breastfeeding in public?

I generally agree with the majority of PP - none of his business and it's your body to do as you like, but he's presumably been brought up in a very prudish way so you might need to explain to him that those views are HIS views, they aren't universal morals or rules that you are breaking. As this thread shows, it's not like 99% of people would be shocked.

BirdiePlantaganet · 05/09/2023 23:21

I think sunbathing is weird nowadays. Seems terribly old-fashioned when we are constantly told to avoid sun damage😂

Anyway, do whatever you like. If I was with someone who wanted me to cover myself, I’d be inclined to swan about the garden naked (slathered in factor 50; I don’t want to look like George Hamilton).

Dumbndumber · 05/09/2023 23:50

@Fairyhouses your dh would hate me then, as I sunbathe nude in my garden. We have lots of tall trees and fences, but I guess I can be seen from a few upstairs windows.
I don't go out of my way to be seen, but if someone looks that's up to them, lol. I don't really care, and if they don't like it they shouldn't be looking.
Wouldn't be impressed with my dh banning me from it.

InterFactual · 06/09/2023 08:24

I'm clearly the outlier in society with this opinion but if I see any private parts (boobs, bum cracks poking out of trousers etc) I immediately feel grossed out and kind of violated. I don't want other people's nudity thrusted upon me in places I don't expect to see it. And as you're not on the beach in Spain it would definitely give me the ick and I'd feel irritated with you as my neighbour.

And before someone chucks the breastfeeding argument at me, it's all about context. Most of the time you barely see anything as the baby covers it, but if I caught a nip slip when I glanced it wouldn't give me that grossed out feeling because there's a baby in the scene. Context changes how we react to nudity. Nobody would be shocked to see tits on a beach or a in a strip club but if someone walked past pushing a trolley in Tesco's with no clothes on you'd be pretty shocked. If I randomly saw tits as I walked past my bedroom window I would definitely roll my eyes and feel annoyed that I now have to avoid that window all day. I would also view the sunbather as some sort of exhibitionist and feel angry i was dragged into their show.

I'm not even going to bother reading replies as I know the usual Mumsnet nonsense about breasts being the same as men's chests. If they were the same then men wouldn't wank over pictures of them would they.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 06/09/2023 08:31

TomatoSandwiches · 05/09/2023 22:36

Does he never take his top off in the garden when it's this hot?

My DH wouldn't, because you are actually hotter when you take your top off than you are when your top wicks sweat away from you. Loads of men need to learn that one.

I wouldn't go topless because it's bad for the sensitive skin on your breasts to be exposed to the sun.

And my garden is overlooked so I definitely wouldn't go topless in the garden, but then I wouldn't sunbathe topless on a beach or pose for a magazine, either.

Shoxfordian · 06/09/2023 08:32

He sounds quite controlling tbh - your tits, your garden - entirely your choice

Lelophants · 06/09/2023 08:34

If you’d be fine with him having his top and pants off then that’s fine. They might be able to see you, but that’s up to you if you care. I personally wouldn’t but they’re your boobs.

Lelophants · 06/09/2023 08:35

I get this but I think ops point was no one can see her. Also it’s her own garden so easy to avoid.

BusinessClass · 06/09/2023 08:36

My dh would love it and be sad he wasn't there to see my boobies swaying in the breeze

savethatkitty · 06/09/2023 08:37

Geez, I hope you don't ever send him naughty pics then 🤣

I say crack on, get em out!

SpiderExtinction · 06/09/2023 08:43

Do people not consider their partners feelings these days? I think he has every right to feel uncomfortable about it, you're his wife and showing intimate parts of your body, he probably feels should be reserved for yours and his intimate relationship only.

VWT5 · 06/09/2023 09:00

Tell him you are thinking of booking a winter break in Fuerteventura….
(desensitisation therapy - for him)

HotWaxToTheMax · 06/09/2023 09:14

When I was young we lived somewhere warm. A relative used to come from a colder area in the summer and spent most of the time topless in our garden. Nextdoors husband was regularly dragged from the window by his ear 🤣
In your own garden crack on.
In a public park, I wouldn’t advise it.
Hopefully you can talk about it and resolve it, you don't have to agree though.

RunningFromInsanity · 06/09/2023 09:23

but if I see any private parts (boobs, bum cracks poking out of trousers etc) I immediately feel grossed out and kind of violated. I don't want other people's nudity thrusted upon me in places I don't expect to see it

What grosses me out is neighbours who look into my garden..

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 06/09/2023 09:30

DrunkAtVogue · 05/09/2023 21:37

Is he controlling?

I'd say refusing to speak to her till she put a top on is the definition of controlling.

@Fairyhouses how long have you been together?

Yeagarup · 06/09/2023 09:33

I’m reading this completely naked while lying under tree beside the sea.

I probably wouldn’t sunbath topless at home in my garden. I have very sociable neighbours and low walls.

Fizbosshoes · 06/09/2023 09:45

. I don't want other people's nudity thrusted upon me in places I don't expect to see it. And as you're not on the beach in Spain it would definitely give me the ick and I'd feel irritated with you as my neighbour.

The OP is in her own (not overlooked) garden, not turning up naked on the neighbours doorstep! It sounds like they'd have to make a concerted effort to actually see her.

I feel self conscious in a bikini in the garden because my neighbour is both nosey and pervy the fence is not high and my NDN would definitely find an excuse to come and ogle chat

DrunkAtVogue · 06/09/2023 09:50

@InterFactual if it was classic MN, I'd have told her to LTB! 🙄

AmazingSnakeHead · 06/09/2023 09:52

I think your body, your garden, your choice. But I might feel a bit awkward if I was just looking out my window and caught the eye of my naked neighbour!