Sunbathing topless, partner upset with me

[Fairyhouses]

Rang me on video call and I answered, was topless in my garden. I have neighbours however our fences are high and we all keep to ourselves-it would be VERY unusual for one of them to look over the fence for any reason, we never do that.

DP was annoyed and upset and told me my across the road neighbour could see if he was upstairs (there's a humongous tree in the way so no!) and that I shouldn't' do it ever. Wouldn't continue talking to me until I put my bikini top back on.

Any thoughts?

I think sunbathing is weird nowadays. Seems terribly old-fashioned when we are constantly told to avoid sun damage😂

@BirdiePlantaganet Right? My first thought reading this was people still sunbath? Most people are so aware now. I probably wouldn't be too enthused to see my husband lying out in the sun with his top off for the sole purpose of damaging his skin.

I wander around my house naked and sometimes if a curtain or blind is open then the neighbours could probably see me. I don't parade in front of open curtains but I don't go massively out of my way to hide. My view is if they catch a view of me naked a) poor them and b) it's their own fault for looking in my windows.

It used to bother DH until I pointed out that I didn't give a damn. My body, my house. If it upsets him he needs to either deal with his feelings or find the door and leave. I don't police what he wears, what he does or how he presents himself so I don't expect it back.

Not his body.

I often sunbathe topless - the only window that overlooks our garden is a house 3 doors down and it's their frosted bathroom window so unless they were going to peer out if the tiny top opening, no one can see.

My DH has no issue with it and has certainly never said anything about me doing it - and if he did, I wouldn't listen anyway.

It's fine to consider their feelings, but their feelings don't trump yours.

If he says he has a problem then he definitely could have approached the conversation differently. He refused to speak to her until she covered up. That is controlling. Do what I say or I'll punish you. He was annoyed and upset.

He could have told OP that it took him by surprise and has made him feel a bit uncomfortable. They then could have discussed why he felt uncomfortable and OP could have then chosen to cover up.

My first thought reading this was people still sunbath?

Surely you can’t be that naive?

Tell him to fuck off. He has no right to police what you do, you're a grown adult.

Brits are so fucking weird about boobs.

When I lived in Spain no one would bat an eyelid at a woman sunbathing topless, on a beach or in her own garden. They're just boobs. The world doesn't end if a neighbour sees a nipple.

Your garden, your tits, your rules.

This is my first thought too. Even taking out skin cancer I don't want sundamaged breasts. It's pale and healthy skin for me every time.

I’ve done it myself a lot in the past (garden & beach) but just as I wouldn’t go to a nudist beach, I’d probably be more discrete than go topless in my garden.

Im more careful with my skin too these days.

Why give a quietly sleazy male neighbour even the slightest chance for a free wa*k at my expense?

As for your husband being controlling? Could it be that he’s just being protective?

Your call OP.

Maybe he's worried the neighbours will see out of their upstairs windows and doesn't want the embarrassment.
I agree it's your body your choice and your home to do what you like, but I know my husband who is also not controlling would probably prefer me not to go topless where neighbours might see.

He's unreasonable to demand you put your top on but I think it's ok for him to not like it.

I’d have told him that the conversation was done then and put the phone down. He doesn’t get to tell you to put your bikini top on or he won’t speak to you…..not a chance

Your body your choice, but if you can be seen from an upstairs window, that means someone can probably get crystal clear zoomed pics or videos of you without your knowledge or consent and for that reason I'd be careful.

@InterFactual "DrunkAtVogue
Is he controlling?

Classic Mumsnet"

What do you mean?

Yabu

He'd hate me. I pole dance in my (overlooked) garden.

Topless?

He's embarrassed of her boobs? Or do you mean embarrassed on her behalf, even though the op herself isn't embarrassed of her (probably quite lovely) breasts?

He is either a massive prude and just doesn't understand that others don't have his hang ups

or

He thinks he is the only person who is allowed to see your breasts, aka they belong to him, and not even you.

Also, his comments make me think that if he happened to see a neighbour sunbathing topless he would stand and perv over her, rather than just averting his eyes/shutting a blind etc.

I think he has every right to feel uncomfortable about it, you're his wife and showing intimate parts of your body, he probably feels should be reserved for yours and his intimate relationship only

And OP has every right to tell him to take the stick out of his arse. They're tits, not the Holy Grail.

So if the OP, who is ok with nudity, was telling her DP he HAS TO get undress in front of his friends that would be ok too?

Because if her DP can tell her what to do re her body and ‘what of tte NDN see you’ due to the fact they are together then so can the OP tell him what to do re his body and ‘what if friends see you naked. It’s just a body’ right?

Like your choice of words in one of your updates op..
"Good points"!

He thinks he is the only person who is allowed to see your breasts, aka they belong to him, and not even you.

Probably. That is how most British men think. They don't care if their partner is upset by habitual porn use or Stag Do strip club trips and will do what they like but will be furious if their partner wishes to be topless on a foreign nudist-friendly beach or in their own flipping garden.

🙄🙄🙄