Has body positivity gone too far?

[EnglishRose1320]

I'm overweight and want to try and change that. Was chatting to a friend about improving my diet, and exercising more (I know I won't lose weight exercising, that's more to help with a healthy life/better mental health). She is also overweight and got really defensive, said I shouldn't do it if it made my mental health worse, we have to look after our mental health first and learn to love the bodies we have and that people like Lizzo are amazing. But are they? Surely we shouldn't judge anyone for the weight they are, but we shouldn't act like being overweight is okay either?

*Could/Should be compared with

@AvengedQuince

Anorexia is related to societal pressures to be thin coupled with an overly perfectionistic, compulsive nature along with MH etc. The path to obesity whilst unhealthy doesn’t really follow the same trajectory. It’s generally thought of as much less pathological in the MH arena unless you’re dealing with a binge eating disorder. Some people do put weight on very easily.

A fat 16 year old is going to be far healthier than a clinically underweight anorexic 16 year old.

@Itslosenotloose

Anorexia is related to societal pressures to be thin coupled with an overly perfectionistic, compulsive nature along with MH etc.

It can also be triggered by an initial weight loss, which could be for any reason, such as a physical illness. It's not just psychiatric.

Sometimes, being fat is as simple as enjoying a lot of food and hating exercise.

@AvengedQuince

Very unusual in eating disorder clinics. Never came across a “physical” case in my life. If you lose weight due to a thyroid issue for example it’s treated appropriately. Long-standing, clinical anorexia is psychiatric in nature.

@AllOfThemWitches

Yes. Eating too much, too much of the wrong food, a lack of education over food, an environment whereby there’s a lack of food that isn’t processed etc. Couple that with a genetic predisposition to carry weight and a lack of exercise and it’s easy to see why a young person could be obese. And once you are obese you have a problem that will be with you forever. Like how a drug addict will always be in recovery. It is possible to lose weight with healthier choices and better education etc but your body will always resist weight loss once you’ve reached a weight threshold.

@EnglishRose1320 obviously missing the point of the thread, but didnt Lizzo fire some dancers because they put on weight?! She is currently being sued because of it.

Anyway, lose the weight! Do whatever YOU feel right doing and screw other people!!! It is your body and your MH!

Maybe these aren't the people presenting at the clinic? I didn't go with the clinic as they were assuming the same as you so I didn't see how they could help. The first time I had it it was more psychiatric, the second time, barely at all.

It's not really about body positivity.

It's something friends / partner / family / coworkers can worry about if they think you might leave them behind in some way. Could be any positive change.

I don’t believe it exists non psychiatrically. If there’s a medical reason for a lack of appetite and severe weight loss which renders a person dangerously underweight and malnourished it’s usually investigated and treated accordingly. The fact your first period of anorexia was psychiatric is also quite telling.

It is possible to lose weight with healthier choices and better education etc but your body will always resist weight loss once you’ve reached a weight threshold.

Wow, that's interesting. I didn't know that. I guess the threshold varies ?

I agree. I think it’s great people are happy in their bodies. But there’s so much obsession with it. And I find it hard to understand how someone can say they love and respect their body but then fill it with additives, chemicals, trans fat etc, and not move their body enough. Being a healthy weight will inevitably benefit your health overall

Perhaps that’s because you’re comparing two different things. Obesity is a measure of someone’s BMI. It is the result of an eating disorder in its broadest term. Anorexia is an earring disorder. A person with anorexia may appear underweight.

I didn't say it wasn't psychiatric at all, but that was a minor part. I lost weight on purpose initially, aiming for the healthy weight I am now. After that it was not intentional but felt incredibly physically driven, I knew I was too thin but just couldn't eat more consistently. It was very different to how it was when I was a teen.

Perhaps that’s because you’re comparing two different things. Obesity is a measure of someone’s BMI. It is the result of an eating disorder in its broadest term. Anorexia is an earring disorder. A person with anorexia may appear underweight.

Maybe this would be more helpful for the poster who compared anorexic models to obese ones?

I've been overweight myself, I became complacent and ate too much during one pregnancy. For me, the extra weight was a contributing factor in mental health issues not a symptom. Like I said, for many, it's simply a case of needing to eat less and move more. Unless you're talking off the scale bmi.

Obesity is a measure of someone’s BMI.

No - obesity is a chronic progressive relapsing disease.

Surely taking control of your health will improve things mentally as well? I know as soon as I start doing something I immediately feel better as I'm being proactive.
I think where do I want to be in a year - still overweight and miserable in the heat and self conscious? Or feeling good about myself with more energy?

Thanks for all the comments, it's good to hear different opinions. Sorry if I've stirred up something I shouldn't have, just didn't want to ask anyone in real life, because I didn't want to upset anyone else- my friend seemed upset.

I will add, because it wasn't very clear in my first post, that because I didn't want some chocolate, my friend probed and that's how it came up, I didn't bring up trying to be healthier myself, on the whole I think it's a personal journey, and like others have said, I normally only discuss it with my partner.

Also both my friend and I are obese, so I'm very aware my weight will be impacting my health and I don't think that's fair to myself, to my family or society- statistically obese people cost the NHS twice as much.

I do "love myself" to use the phrase the body positive movement use, and I don't think you should hate yourself because you are fat, but I can be happy in my life and recognise I need to lose weight.

Going forward, I'll just try and steer away from the topic quicker if it comes up again.

I firmly believe that ‘every body is a bikini’ body.’ I’m 16 stone (massive boobs weigh about two stone of that 😂) and happily wear a bikini on holiday.

Having said that, part of loving your body is to nurture it and for it to be as healthy as possible. Therefore, I am trying to address my weight.

I guess it depends if you’re talking about anorexia nervosa which is psychiatric in nature (hence the name), or just anorexia which means loss of appetite and can be for any reason. Maybe people are confusing the two.

Body positivity (or even body neutrality) really just tries to address the fact that self-hatred will never lead anywhere good. It doesn't encourage people to gain weight, but to do things because it feels right for them and makes them feel good, not because society deems fat as unattractive/unworthy etc. It encourages people to live their life now, rather than chasing a dream of being slim.

But the point is that people in slimmer bodies do this too, but they are not held to the same standard as fat bodies. There is huge hypocrisy. This is why its never, ever about health concern. All my slim colleagues eat shit, drink like a fish, smoke and take drugs. But no one would even think to make a judgement on their body type.

I think the problem is that for women, their bodies and weight are so intrinsically linked with their sense of self, their self esteem. Whereas for men it's two different things. A man can feel pretty good about himself but also think he's overweight and has a huge belly. A woman who's feeling bad about her body will often feel bad about herself as person. Therefore a woman thinks she has to love her body to truly love herself. Why can't more women love themselves, know they're a wonderful person but at the same time acknowledge they're carrying too much weight and would benefit from losing weight. Like "I'm a fabulous person! But I'm carrying 4 stone extra weight which will impact my health eventually". Yes of course you can be big and beautiful but better to be healthy and beautiful.

Who says you even have to love your body at all? I dont want to feel anything, good or bad! This is my body, the only one I have. It loves swimming, warm sun on its skin, cuddles from my toddler. It hates sand on its feet, and too much dairy. It gets me places I need to go. Sometimes it is soft, sometimes it is strong. It gives no fucks what the daily mail considers beautiful.