Has body positivity gone too far?

[EnglishRose1320]

I'm overweight and want to try and change that. Was chatting to a friend about improving my diet, and exercising more (I know I won't lose weight exercising, that's more to help with a healthy life/better mental health). She is also overweight and got really defensive, said I shouldn't do it if it made my mental health worse, we have to look after our mental health first and learn to love the bodies we have and that people like Lizzo are amazing. But are they? Surely we shouldn't judge anyone for the weight they are, but we shouldn't act like being overweight is okay either?

I feel like everything related to my body pisses people off. I am proud I lost the weight, I feel amazing. I get “she loves herself”. Yes I do. Someone has to.

i know a lot of people who seem to see my weight loss as a personal attack. The body positive people I know too. It’s like I am undermining them or betraying the cause.

Some Body positivity can be as damaging to young people as the worship of being slim.

Being overweight or underweight is unhealthy, full stop. There’s a big range of ‘healthy weights’. You don’t have to be ‘healthy weight’ to enjoy yourself or love yourself but you need to be honest with yourself.

Maybe because I am both foreign and old I don't understand all this talk of self love. I see it as a mostly medical problem. For me anyway. All this loving yourself is too woo woo for me.

It’s jealousy. Some obese people just hate that other people can lose weight & get healthy. They think it shows them up.

It is all very well being mentally positive about your body, but you won't feel so positive when your doctor tells you that you are borderline Type 2 diabetic.

You have to look after your physical health as well as your mental health. Knowing that an obese person is at a much higher risk of diabetes, a heart attack or a stroke isn't going to make you feel good about yourself in the long run.

Yeah, kind of. And as a size 12-14 I find that most clothes being modelled are either on very tall, thin women (as was always the case) or women size 20+. So feel like my size is not “celebrated” (not that I’d want it to be!)

@camelfinger totally agree. I would love more size 12 models.

I read an interesting article about that.

It said that 'mid size' bodies are the only body it's not acceptable to have because you're not big enough to be able to celebrate it (but you're a little bit too close to it for comfort) and no one understands why women can't lose that extra stone to be a size 10 or below.

It's the only body size that it's 'socially acceptable' to criticise. And also exposes that, for all the 'body positivity' slim is still the correct body to have.

Self loathing doesn't do much for your health either, and can lead to feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness.

Body positivity to me shows that you can value yourself and live life to the fullest at any size. And in doing so, I'd suggest people are more likely to make choices that benefit them rather than hiding away at home in a state of shame; to embarrassed to exercise or make an effort with their appearance.

What?

Nobody said that. The whole point of this discussion is to talk about whether one should simply accept being fat and learn to love themselves, or whether they might look to the future and think "Hey, maybe I'll only have a couple of biscuits today instead of a whole packet", because they have acknowledged that it will put them at a lower risk of developing a life-threatening illness.

I agree op

Obsessive in any direction is crazy.

Just adapt a positive relationship with your mind, your body, exercise and food.

You might need to lose some weight but right now your body can walk (I am making general assumptions), dance, read, carry shopping. So enjoy what it can presently do. In three weeks it might be able to walk longer/faster, jog. Build it up.

As for food enjoy food with people in your house, or out, enjoy the colours and taste of cold crunchy apples, sweet pineapple, smooth nutty avocadoes.

If you talk to your friend about it again just say you are giving your body some of the good stuff. It deserves it. So it can continue to let you dance for as long as possible.

A whole lot of naval gazing for what is basically you saying I think I might move a bit more and swap the afternoon biscuits for an apple.

What a bizarre comment. What is it I'm supposed to be pissed off about? That you're happy? And I'm pissed off about that why, exactly?

Totally agree! I was literally talking about this with a friend at the weekend. I am a busty size 14/16 46 yr old with big thighs. I feel totally under represented. Even fashion articles about how to dress for body shape etc never advise on fat legs.

I think people are allowed to like/love themselves if they are overweight, smoke, drink too much, eat only upf or anything really.

Yes being a good weight is healthier, but too many people are excessively critical of weight issues imo.

Yep. That's why I don't like the Snag tights adverts. Those girls maybe very good looking a but they are morbidly obese and that's no different from being anorexic. And people would be horrified of anorexic models are used, like they used to be.

Ridiculous comment.

Absolutely no comparison between being obese and disabled. I say this as an obese person. There are huge barriers to me losing weight, but I physically can. I couldn’t grow a new leg or eyes.

Lizzo never sings about how her knees are sore after walking on concrete or whatever. Weird that

Well put, @Smeshier and as other posters have commented, being extreme or obsessive in either direction (underweight or overweight) can be dangerous to your health.

Not shaming people and accepting that we all have different body types is fine; pretending that there won’t be health consequences if someone is significantly under-or overweight, though, doesn’t make sense.

And I agree that we need some mid-size models!

@Purplefoalfoot
Disgusting comparison.

Being obese is a choice. Being disabled is not.

Isn't it!

Sorry, you realise that Anorexia is an eating disorder and mental health condition ? I didn't realise this is also the case for obesity?

You might need to read around the subject a bit then.

The majority of posters who come on to MN and post about obesity related weightloss struggles also talk about disordered eating and related mental health issues.

What do you think the reason is?

Tbh a grown woman can do as she pleases. I do think it's an issue for children and their diet. It's not a great parenting example if your body positivity comes with clinical problems and poor diet. Kids don't understand that.

@Purplefoalfoot Actually your comment is incredibly ableist.

People who are sick or have a disability should of course love their bodies but they aren't celebrating the cause of that , saying that illness or injury is beautiful, pretending it's healthy etc. And they are often having to do everything they possibly can to mitigate the effects their illnesses or disabilities have on their bodies.

I have MS and I love my body despite it but comparing that to someone's weight is insulting. If I could change having MS through diet , exercise, medication or surgery I absolutely would in order to be healthier.

I do think the body positivity movement is toxic and your comment proves exactly that