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Original poster

I texted the guy who ghosted me…

61 replies

winelover82 · 30/08/2023 22:53

I was being so strong. But I was drunk, and gave in.

Now we are messaging again. No sign of meeting up. But I can tell I am already getting frustrated at his lack of effort.

Yet, I still want his breadcrumbs of attention?

I hate how I am like this and how I have no self respect 😢

OP posts:
PurposefulBear · 30/08/2023 22:55

Do you know what you wanted from texting him? How long were you together when he did it?

Original poster
winelover82 · 30/08/2023 22:57

Only about 2 months but it was quite intense (for me anyway).

I think I just wanted some attention, self-validation, affection.

OP posts:
viviscool · 30/08/2023 22:58

block and move on. Take the power back.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
MrsColinRobinson · 30/08/2023 23:00

Can you message here every time you feel the urge to text him?

You know you're going to be hurt and quite possibly used when he's bored and in need of an ego boost.

PurposefulBear · 30/08/2023 23:02

winelover82 · 30/08/2023 22:57

Only about 2 months but it was quite intense (for me anyway).

I think I just wanted some attention, self-validation, affection.

I can understand, being ghosted is awful. And two months is not short. Now that you know that’s what you wanted, ask yourself whether him giving you that by replying actually achieves it… I’d say it doesn’t. His attention means nothing after what he did so don’t even seek it out.

Nagado · 31/08/2023 06:45

I think I just wanted some attention, self-validation, affection

This man is only ever going to make you feel worse about yourself. It’s like feeling really insecure about your appearance and then asking a 3 year old whether you look nice. Nothing good is ever going to come from it. He doesn’t know you. Anything he says to you is just going to be halfhearted flannel and you’ll feel worse if he says something nice because you know it’s not genuine.

The only way to make yourself feel better is to block him and delete his number and all trace of him from your phone. Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself that you are a good person and you deserve better than that. You will not let yourself be treated like that.

HennyPenny1234 · 31/08/2023 07:01

Block isn't enough

You need to delete so you can't contact him again

Olika · 31/08/2023 07:07

If a man wants you, he will make it happen. He obviously doesn't as he ghosted you first time around and now you contacted him so he is entertaining your attention. You are wasting your time.

HVPRN · 31/08/2023 07:15

Olika · 31/08/2023 07:07

If a man wants you, he will make it happen. He obviously doesn't as he ghosted you first time around and now you contacted him so he is entertaining your attention. You are wasting your time.

Agreed.

Time to message saying, 'actually, contacting you was a mistake, take care, have a nice life, byeee'.

Justleaveitblankthen · 31/08/2023 07:34

HennyPenny1234 · 31/08/2023 07:01

Block isn't enough

You need to delete so you can't contact him again

Does a block still work if you then delete them as a contact? Does it not then become a new/unknown number again 🤔

Original poster
winelover82 · 31/08/2023 08:08

@Nagado that is so true 🥺 it’s actually really sad isn’t it how I am letting this happen, and letting him make me feel shit about myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
winelover82 · 31/08/2023 08:09

I am just throwing my life away aren’t I, by even spending time thinking about him?

OP posts:
NutellaNut · 31/08/2023 08:13

I am just throwing my life away aren’t I, by even spending time thinking about him?

Yes, you are. Good advice from previous posters. Block and delete - take the power back. Put your efforts into finding someone who values you, not someone who makes you feel like shit.

Original poster
winelover82 · 31/08/2023 08:15

Why does the idea of him going on dates with other women upset me? Why do I even care? What’s wrong with me!

OP posts:
Original poster
winelover82 · 31/08/2023 08:43

I am so annoyed with myself. Why do I do it? It’s like self-torture 😢

OP posts:
Olika · 31/08/2023 09:22

The sooner you get rid of the wrong men, the sooner you can meet the right one. I did several years of active online dating before I met my now husband. and let me tell you something... when you meet the man who actually is truly interested in you and wants to build something with you and is ready for it all... he will make it known and you don't have to wonder and hassle. You just have to know what kind of man you need and then not stop until you meet the man with traits and qualities you look for.

Original poster
winelover82 · 31/08/2023 09:48

@Olika thank you. I actually don’t think I’m in the right mindset to meet anyone at the moment.

OP posts:
Olika · 31/08/2023 10:21

That's fine too. Just block and delete any unnecessary people so you don't waste your energy and time. Smile

MoggyMittens23 · 31/08/2023 10:57

Take the power back now you are back in contact! Before it might have felt really bad because he ghosted you. So now, don't reply to him. EVER. Then it makes it feel like your decision rather than being all his.

Original poster
winelover82 · 31/08/2023 11:36

@MoggyMittens23 thing is, he has left me on read… again. So he has the power… again. If he never messages me, then that’s fine right?

OP posts:
Original poster
winelover82 · 31/08/2023 11:48

Like sometimes I feel like I should have the last word, but, it’s not a game is it?

It sounds stupid but I fear sometimes I will just never move on. I guess time is a great healer and I was doing well up until last week.

OP posts:
Original poster
winelover82 · 31/08/2023 12:20

I just want to message him again 😩😩

OP posts:
Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 31/08/2023 12:26

Your OP is very insightful, I think it's good that you can see what is going on.
He is not respecting you, but you're not respecting you either - because as you say you are hanging on for these worthless crumbs. That is why blocking him is the best way, even if it hurts, because then you don't have to suffer that deep down feeling of horribleness, knowing that you don't respect yourself and that he doesn't either.

So block him, deep down you know that's the right way and you will be saving yourself from hurt and distress

Nagado · 31/08/2023 13:03

winelover82 · 31/08/2023 12:20

I just want to message him again 😩😩

I completely understand. Lots of us have been there. But, every single message you send him hands over more power to him and makes you feel worse. Switch your phone off so you’re not constantly checking to see if any messages have been received and put it out of sight. On a high shelf or in a cupboard in a different room. Then do something. Scrub your bathroom floor or clean out your cupboards or do some gardening or go for a jog in the park without your phone.

This is not the man for you. You know that. If you had to write a list of the qualities you want in a man and how you want to be treated, this man wouldn’t be good enough. This isn’t about him, it’s about you wanting someone to make you feel better about yourself. But only you can do that. You feel like shit right now, but continuing with messaging him is going to make you feel worse. You’re chasing after a high he’s never going to give you.

mumda · 31/08/2023 13:33

Use your power and block him.

AND then resolve to be a better human being and not crawl back to useless horrible men.