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Original poster

Jealous of perfect families

81 replies

JaneyGee · 30/08/2023 18:20

Do you ever feel jealous of other people's families? Today, a guy at work showed me some photos of his family. He is happily married, with two boys and a girl. His eldest has just got engaged, the middle child is at university studying biochemistry, and the youngest is going to Cambridge this Autumn to study Italian and French. He showed me photos of them on holiday – all happy and tanned and loving. It was a real stab to the heart.

I don't want to go into details, but my own family is far from perfect, and I look to the future with dread. The man I mentioned is lovely btw, and wasn't showing off or trying to rub my nose in it. I have met his wife, who is very nice, and two of his kids, who both seemed very sweet. They are good people. And it's people like that who hold everything together. But part of me bitterly resents their happiness. I feel the same when I go on social media. I really hate this bitter, jealous streak, but don't know what to do about it. Can anyone relate?

OP posts:

PinkRoses1245 · 31/08/2023 13:15

But he’s not going to show your photos of the bad / hard times they’ve had. You have no idea what the reality is like. Don’t compare to others. No family is perfect

Original poster

JaneyGee · 31/08/2023 17:50

givingupchocolatemonday · 30/08/2023 22:55

Yes I feel the same way sometimes but not jealous, it's more sadness it's not me rather jealous it's them.

I try to remember hard times dont last forever, you will get your own 'perfect' in another way or form

Yes, I'm the same. I don't think jealousy is quite the right word. I don't begrudge people a happy family, and I certainly don't wish harm on good people. I think it's partly sadness, but mostly fear. When I look at big, happy families, I feel scared. It frightens me to think of my future, and particularly my old age. I'm probably feeling this way because a great aunt died last week. She was 88 and completely alone – no partner (he left her), no children, no siblings, no one.

OP posts:

SallyWD · 31/08/2023 18:00

It really is pointless to compare your life to others. Life is ever changing and evolving. One minute it's shit, later on it'll be good.
I remember when my life was falling apart comparing my life to my friend's life - she had everything I wanted: wonderful new handsome husband, baby on the way, the most beautiful house in the perfect location, plenty of money, close knit family.
Two years later our fortunes were reversed and she'd suffered a series of tragedies whilst my life got better and better. I realised how foolish I'd been to compare our lives.
A few years later I got cancer. You just never know what will happen to you or people with seemingly perfect lives.

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Families

hylian · 31/08/2023 18:05

longestlurkerever · 30/08/2023 18:33

I'm not sure it helps to focus on the idea that people are secretly miserable under a facade, though good to remember that no one's life is perfect and no one is immune to illness, grief and heart break. Isn't it better to think that life can be good?

I think it's ok to be a little bit jealous, as long as you don't dwell on it too much and remember to be thankful for what you do have and try as best you can to improve your own life. Would learning a language make you feel more fulfilled OP? It's something you mention admiring about this man's family. Is there anything else?

This is very insightful.

I don't think it is healthy to comfort yourself with the idea that his life is probably rubbish underneath some facade.

But what is healthy is focussing on yourself and your happiness, and how things might be improved for you. Maybe it will never be as 'good' as his life, but it will be your life and your family who you love, and you can make the best of it.

Comparison really is the thief of joy.

Zebedee55 · 31/08/2023 18:09

There is no such thing as a perfect family, or a perfect life.

What is posted on sm or what you see is not necessarily what it is.

SquashPenguin · 31/08/2023 18:09

I’m just envious of people who can have children 🤷🏻‍♀️

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