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Original poster

Just tell me what to do please

11 replies

coalbunking · 29/08/2023 21:44

I fantasise abiut my friend and have done for ages. I idolise her, I want to spend a night with her. I start to resent my partner who I've been with for twenty five years.

I could ditch her, we live miles away but talk every day on text. Do I ghost her and put an end to this? It will kil me

OP posts:
Original poster
coalbunking · 29/08/2023 21:49

I am a woman, sorry for typos. I'm such a fucking loser aren't I? Or shall I tell her how I feel? I long to but I know it's not right and she probably wouldn't be I tersted and I'm with a man anyway

OP posts:
GigiAnnna · 29/08/2023 21:57

Is she bisexual/ lesbian or given you any reason to think she's interested in you too?

Original poster
coalbunking · 29/08/2023 21:59

She has said before that she sees sexuality as fluid

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Original poster
coalbunking · 29/08/2023 22:00

She always texts me, usually first but the likelihood is she likes me as a friend and enjoys our friendship

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Quitelikeit · 29/08/2023 22:04

Do nothing. The grass is greener where you water it

Original poster
coalbunking · 29/08/2023 22:06

Okay thanks. But it's kind of torturing me. Shall I end the friendship or will these feelings fade if I continue to be her friend?

I realise nobody really knows the answer to that, I just don't know what to do

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toadasoda · 29/08/2023 22:30

Wow thats tricky OP. More so cos you are both women. If she was a man in this scenario it would be said you are having an emotional affair and to end it for the sake of your long term partner. But is it different because you are the same gender and you don't know if she is into women. My gut feeling would be not to cut her off, you may need her as a friend more than you realise.

If you tell her how you feel and she feels the same then what? Are you going to leave your partner and run off into the sunset. If yes and you are prepared to go the whole way, leave your relationship and have one with her then maybe its worth the risk. If you just want a one night stand with her then that's just cheating on your partner isn't it and not a good thing for either of you to do. Do you really deep down want her to reciprocate or are you 'enjoying' your crush??

Sorry I have no words or wisdom just more questions for you! Maybe suss out if she wants a lesbian experience without specifying its you and see her reaction. It may give you some guidance.

ElEmEnOhPee · 29/08/2023 22:37

I think if you're going to tell her then you should do the decent thing and split from your partner first, how would you feel if he did the same to you?

Original poster
coalbunking · 30/08/2023 08:55

toadasoda · 29/08/2023 22:30

Wow thats tricky OP. More so cos you are both women. If she was a man in this scenario it would be said you are having an emotional affair and to end it for the sake of your long term partner. But is it different because you are the same gender and you don't know if she is into women. My gut feeling would be not to cut her off, you may need her as a friend more than you realise.

If you tell her how you feel and she feels the same then what? Are you going to leave your partner and run off into the sunset. If yes and you are prepared to go the whole way, leave your relationship and have one with her then maybe its worth the risk. If you just want a one night stand with her then that's just cheating on your partner isn't it and not a good thing for either of you to do. Do you really deep down want her to reciprocate or are you 'enjoying' your crush??

Sorry I have no words or wisdom just more questions for you! Maybe suss out if she wants a lesbian experience without specifying its you and see her reaction. It may give you some guidance.

Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I have thought about these questions. I am pretty sure I wouldn't leave my partner, he's a good man and we have children. I have never been unfaithful to him. I can't work out whether I'm enjoying the crush, sometimes I hate it because I'm ruining things. It's been a couple of years now though.
I don't know how to stop it.
You are right, a one night stand would be wrong. I long for it though

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Original poster
coalbunking · 30/08/2023 09:46

ElEmEnOhPee · 29/08/2023 22:37

I think if you're going to tell her then you should do the decent thing and split from your partner first, how would you feel if he did the same to you?

Of course, I know, I feel constantly guilty about the feelings I have for her. How do you stop them??

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Original poster
coalbunking · 30/08/2023 13:07

I have had this once before and the feelings faded eventually but this has been years now

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