Relative giving away brand new baby items without asking first

[GonnaGetGoingReturns]

Not my issue per se but if someone gave away all your baby things (bath, changing table, high chair etc, all brand new and good items) which you lent to them when they asked, on birth of their second baby, if these items were given away, without asking/telling you first, would you be annoyed?

Person who gave away items is very active on Instagram and WhatsApp. Couple think this couple didn’t think before giving away. She knew the couple were definitely trying for another baby. Items that were given probably total up to £1K total. Luckily couple still have baby clothes.

Not going into details as outing but close family relation and means the couple who lent the items now have to buy everything new or second hand again. Expensive cot, baby car seat etc.

I did say if it was me I’d maybe ask relative if she can maybe speak to some of the people she gave the items to and explain the situation.

Of course.

I think it’s pretty careless of the people borrowing to give away but it really depends on the situation. If the original owner gave them away and didn’t say it was lending then perhaps the new owner of the stuff thought it was fair game to sell.

It is unfair that this is happened, especially of the second person is profiting from it all, she should really pass the money back on to the original owner. If she still has some of the items and hasn’t given it away yet or taken money for then yet then your friend should ask for it back. If the stuff has already gone then I wouldn’t be asking the people who have just bought it for it back.

My family member asked to borrow my baby stuff once I was done with it but I politely declined and said we were saving it for baby number 2. My sil loaned hers out but made it very clear she wanted it all back.

Never loan baby equipment. Give it away or don't.

This has sadly become my policy too.

Of course it's wrong, when she's finished with it she should be giving it back to them, not giving it away or selling it.

Did they lend it or give it to them? That’s the key point.
If they gave it to then and didn’t make it clear they wanted it back, then I don’t think they can complain. If they were clear they wanted it back, then of course it shouldn’t have been given away.
Personally, I would never lend out baby stuff that I planned to use again - what if it breaks, gets damaged etc. Too complicated to navigate. Once I am done with it for good, I will give it away with no expectations of what happens to it after.
In the same way I have only ever taken stuff that people don’t want back, I wouldn’t borrow any baby items as it’s too complicated.

Personally I think it's bonkers to give something 2nd hand for a new baby and say you want it back.
When? In what condition? How are they supposed to keep track of who gave what? They've got a baby to look after, they should be keeping an inventory of items? All items? Muslins, toys, booties, or just large items?
Give or don't give. Don't expect parents to keep a handle on all this stuff. Madness.

If you made it clear that you wanted it back then they have acted unreasonably

What @Icedlatteplease said. I learnt the hard way.

No good deed goes unpunished and lending maternity/baby clothes equipment seem to feature very regularly.

Personally I would say no unless the lender was 100% sure they had completed their family. However that ship has now sailed.

In this case IF it was made clear it was only a temporary loan then I would be expecting the person who gave the items away to recover them from the recipients or replace them.

How can the items be brand new if they were used by 2 babies? Am I missing something? Regardless though, it sounds like family 2 thought it was a gift because generally you don’t give your baby stuff away until your done with it and you definitely can’t expect it back whenever it suits in the same condition you gave it away in. Even if an agreement of a loan and returning it was specifically discussed, at which point they shouldn’t be giving it away obviously, it’s naive of family 1 to think nothing will get damaged just through normal wear and tear.

Lend definitely lend.

the thing is this relative had her DC first and when the second relative had their DC all equipment was lent and lent back.

Don’t think relative sold it just gave it away. But in my opinion she knew they were trying for a baby so why not ask? Lots of storage place for these items. Not cheap either. Think John Lewis, Jo Jo maman Bebe and other expensive brands.

Definitely a loan. Made clear a loan.

I’d be furious and expect the borrower to replace all items. How dare they

They were loaning items as a favour and as couple asked for the loan of items.

Couple who loaves are obvs never doing this again but couple they’ve loaned to have completed there family.

There is slightly more to this re tense relations between couples but could be outing so can’t mention it.

My SIL who lent the items was angry the other day but I just calmed her down and asked her what she wanted and I’d buy it. Luckily I can afford to some extent.

some items lent by couple were brand new as never actually used when they lent to relative (they had 2 of same items). Some items were indeed not brand new.

These items weren’t muslins, toys booties etc.

All were items like room furniture, baby bath, car seat etc. they had 2 of some item which never got round to being sold. All were definitely lent as lent and in this case relative asked if they could borrow and couple said yes of course but it’s a loan. I can’t see how keeping track of that is hard? Make a list and then say “oh that’s x’s they lent us therefore we won’t give it away!”

it's incredibly rude and the couple who have given it away should be sent a bill for the replacement items.

Anything given to me (not presents obv) I’d ask them before I sold or passed on. I’d never assume it was a loan or given either way

of course you can remember who gave / lent you a bigger item like a bath or furniture. Just text and say ‘ we don’t need xx anymore do you want it back’. Lending should be what everyone does, makes having a baby so wasteful otherwise. My mum had a crib which has been through at least 20 babies!

Ok based on your updates sounds like there was no opportunity for confusion and that they pushed to borrow the items and explicitly agreed to return them. I don’t know what the second family was thinking by giving this stuff away. Have they taken the opportunity to swindle family and made money off selling stuff? I do think the first family has been very naive- what if the car seat were in a crash, the pram broke, the changing table splintered from being anchored to the wall, the nice clothes were hit with a nappy explosion etc. but they couldn’t have seen this coming and must be really upset.

I wouldn’t lend expensive or actually any baby items if we weren’t sure we were finished having kids. You just don’t know what you’re going to get back.

This is exactly why I've only lent out stuff that I would be ok about not coming back to me. Ideally, the people know it's a loan and they should return it when they are done, but if they don't it's not the end of the world. I have quite a lot sitting in my loft that could be being used by babies of cousins or neighbours right now but I wasn't up for losing them completely so just decided we weren't lending.

In this scenario I think the lender has to chalk it up to experience but maybe mention to the borrowers 'hey if you've got anything else we lent you lying around we'll take it back when you're done' so that nothing further is given away.

If I give thing's no I don't want then back and don't care what others do with them