Relative giving away brand new baby items without asking first

[GonnaGetGoingReturns]

Not my issue per se but if someone gave away all your baby things (bath, changing table, high chair etc, all brand new and good items) which you lent to them when they asked, on birth of their second baby, if these items were given away, without asking/telling you first, would you be annoyed?

Person who gave away items is very active on Instagram and WhatsApp. Couple think this couple didn’t think before giving away. She knew the couple were definitely trying for another baby. Items that were given probably total up to £1K total. Luckily couple still have baby clothes.

Not going into details as outing but close family relation and means the couple who lent the items now have to buy everything new or second hand again. Expensive cot, baby car seat etc.

I did say if it was me I’d maybe ask relative if she can maybe speak to some of the people she gave the items to and explain the situation.

Seth if over explaining but everything wasn’t lent at all - it would be different and v CF if one couple had loaned all the items after being lent them etc, but definitely wasn’t like that!

Both couples originally lived quite near each other when both had their first children so they ended separate items anyway. Couple who’ve given items away now have moved quite far away but not so far that couple who’d like items back don’t go to. In other words they visit that area a lot due to Family.

The clothes used for my baby had been used by two of my relative's babies, plus other babies in her extended family.

They were returned when we'd finished with them.

I don't think it's that bonkers...

I’m confused who in their right mind would give away their baby stuff if they wanted another. Or even lend it. My auntie had a baby girl in between my 2 girls and I didn’t offer to lend her anything as I knew I’d want it. Things like nursery furniture could potentially be used for a good few years so no point anyone else having it unless you are done. As others have said too it will become more used, possibly damaged. It will not come back in as good condition so you might not want your baby to be the third to use it.

Clothes get mixed in with other clothes, if you expect them back you are living in LaLa land! Big items though yes absolutely ok to expect them back, provided you make that clear - I mean a kid only needs about big 10 items, so really anyone should be competent at tracking those! I'm not sure how I'd feel about paying for something which broke though, if it had been through several babies before mine, and I hadn't done anything certifiable stupid with it!

Yes.

I gave a good friend some very newish stuff for her niece who was visiting for a couple of weeks - she then took it all to the charity shop. She could have asked if I wanted it back?!

So I never gave her anything else again 🤷

My SIL who lent the items is very generous. I’m guessing that relatives who asked to be lent items might have been having slight cash flow issues but as items had been lent between them both when they lived nearby in London and all returned then, they thought it’d be fine this time around.

I mentioned this dilemma to a friend of mine who runs a vintage/preloved shop and she said yes they’re CFers and shouldn’t have given away items they’d been lent without checking first, if they still wanted them back, she also thought it was a bit mean of them to do this. If my relatives had finished with their family then yes totally fine to give items away but don’t assume they’re not trying again especially as they were going through ivf. And expected to be successful.

Not clothes or muslins or anything like this. Big ticket items and not cheap either.

I asked SIL re clothes before just out of interest and she said no that’s fine they’ll be swapped around. I haven’t even bothered to ask about clothes Hmmmm this time round in this mix up but they have a DS already and unsure as to what they’re having.

I was slightly concerned this thread was a bit outing for those who read past their threads but I’ve gone past this now.

I was told by DB today that the relatives who gave this stuff away are very well off financially (family help) and also in the way of childcare whereas DB and SIL are less well off in both senses of the word but not struggling really. There’s another very outing bit but if I say that I’ll get shot down in front pieces if I can post that. Relative who was lent to was a bit spoiled and is prone to tantrums so though he’s ok on a day to day basis no one dares rock the boat.

It was since speaking to someone outside MN and my age today that I thought, no, I’m not wrong!

But it’s something easily gotten over and iI’m sure in years gone by it’ll be forgotten about.

Very cheeky, entitled and assuming that people won’t want this back.

I was wondering if this was a generational thing but judging from a few posters here it isn’t.

One of the relatives is very active on SM and WhatsApp, seems to be almost one upmamship. She lent my SIL something very expensive for a special event (not saying as outing) now she’d have been pissed off if this wasn’t returned so it’s the same with these big baby items!

My SIL sold everything I had lent her on eBay, despite the fact that I very clearly told her they were on loan because we were planning another baby.

How to make friends and influence people by your SIL.

Are relations strained between you now? That sounds like pure spite. What a b*tch.