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Original poster

Daughter sexually assaulted on flight

73 replies

Aweigh · 27/08/2023 09:24

My daughter flew an Air India flight from LHR to DEL, from where she had a connecting flight to another country.

She is 16 and was travelling alone.

She was in the window seat, and the young man next to her was Nepali and travelling there. She does not know his name but it seems that he was or is a gurkha.

She chatted briefly during the flight and in the middle of the night he sexually assaulted her.

She told me this a few days latter.

It is clear from what I have read that this took place in Indian territory, it being an Indian plane, so the Indian police have jurisdiction, so that's not very useful.

My daughter says she doesn't want to do anything about the matter, but I did contact Air India on the hope that perhaps I could find out this man's personal details, social media, whether he's still in the UK army and so on.

However Air India have replied:

  1. we won't give these out
  2. our crew did not receive any report at the time (well no, she was frightened).

Do you have any suggestions if I should do anything else?

OP posts:
Richmondgal · 27/08/2023 09:26

Police

Cinnamope · 27/08/2023 09:27

Go to the police whatever country you are in!

SoIinvictus · 27/08/2023 09:29

UK police. Aviation authority. The press.

So sorry for your daughter.

LakeTiticaca · 27/08/2023 09:35

Contact the UK Police. If he is a serving British soldier they Will find him

SoftPillowAllNight · 27/08/2023 09:36

Talk to your local police, might take a while to get to the right team. But please check if your daughter is comfortable to talk about this before you do.

Failing all I'd find the air India CEO's email and send a direct mail. They now belong to the Tata group in India who are very good and fair in these matters.

Pancakeorcrepe · 27/08/2023 09:39

This is horrifying, you must be reeling. Police.

Bubop · 27/08/2023 09:39

As tempting as it is to go to the police etc. (and I would want to find him and do everything in my power to make him pay), you need to listen to what your daughter wants.

Give her the options and support her even if she decides not to take it any further. Victims of sexual assault have already had their autonomy overridden once, they need to have their decisions on what to do next respected.

I’m sorry this happened to your daughter Flowers

Motnight · 27/08/2023 09:45

Bubop · 27/08/2023 09:39

As tempting as it is to go to the police etc. (and I would want to find him and do everything in my power to make him pay), you need to listen to what your daughter wants.

Give her the options and support her even if she decides not to take it any further. Victims of sexual assault have already had their autonomy overridden once, they need to have their decisions on what to do next respected.

I’m sorry this happened to your daughter Flowers

I agree with this.

PuttingDownRoots · 27/08/2023 09:48

Concentrate on your daughter. Get her any support she needs, now or in the future when it all sinks in.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/08/2023 09:53

I’d talk to the police. Your dd doesn’t have to take it further. But at least you can gather some information.

Original poster
Aweigh · 27/08/2023 09:54

> Give her the options and support her even if she decides not to take it any further. Victims of sexual assault have already had their autonomy overridden once, they need to have their decisions on what to do next respected.

Yes this is the issue. She told me she doesn't want to do anything. I did tell her I was emailing Air India and she wasn't very keen, but I said I just wanted to find out who he is.

The other issue is that while I don't think she has contact with squaddies in her daily activities , if this man is in the UK then there's a good chance that he's based somewhere very close to where she hangs out (with her boyfriend goes to school). So that could be weighing on her mind - if he was based hundreds of miles away then that would be one thing, but perhaps she's worried in that he may have friends and connections as well in the area.

She said he came across as a total fuck boi i.e. it seems like he had a very high opinion of himself and has probably done similar things before.

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 27/08/2023 10:01

Sorry to read about this.

Unrelated perhaps, but the Ryanair unwillingness to get a family sat together I was reminded of in a way.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 27/08/2023 10:02

She's telling you you need to leave it alone, so leave it alone.

Help her to get support, therapy, listen to her and be there for her, but if she doesn't want to get in touch with the police, or the airline, then don't.

She's just had her body and her autonomy violated in a horrendous way. If you start ignoring her wishes as well then she's not going to feel like she can open up to you any more.

Cucucucu · 27/08/2023 10:04

No way I would leave this alone . Contact the police in the U.K. asap . They can find out who was on the plane next to her .

WandaWonder · 27/08/2023 10:05

Aweigh · 27/08/2023 09:54

> Give her the options and support her even if she decides not to take it any further. Victims of sexual assault have already had their autonomy overridden once, they need to have their decisions on what to do next respected.

Yes this is the issue. She told me she doesn't want to do anything. I did tell her I was emailing Air India and she wasn't very keen, but I said I just wanted to find out who he is.

The other issue is that while I don't think she has contact with squaddies in her daily activities , if this man is in the UK then there's a good chance that he's based somewhere very close to where she hangs out (with her boyfriend goes to school). So that could be weighing on her mind - if he was based hundreds of miles away then that would be one thing, but perhaps she's worried in that he may have friends and connections as well in the area.

She said he came across as a total fuck boi i.e. it seems like he had a very high opinion of himself and has probably done similar things before.

Why would they tell you who he is? They don't just hand that info over

She does not want you to do anything? Why are you overriding that?

Devpatelslaughingeyes · 27/08/2023 10:26

I’m so sorry that your daughter has suffered this. I agree with other advice about contacting the police but I would also be contacting the Gurkha Regiment in the UK directly with an explanation and giving the flight number and seat number. The British Army issue the travel documents and could be very helpful. Trust me, they will take it seriously. They are very unlikely to give out his details but they will deal with it. The Gurkha Regiment value their good reputation in the UK and will not want this tainting them in any way.

Your daughter may not want to do anything now but a sexual assault frequently takes a long time to process. She may never want to take it any further but if she changed her mind in the future you will at least have a formal record somewhere and a base to start from.

I wouldn’t worry about friends and connections in the area either. I understand her concern but the Regiment would shut that down before anything happened. Generally the Gurkha are very well disciplined.

You are doing the right thing in standing by your daughter and giving her the love and support she needs. Having other information to back up her healing, when she is ready, is a good thing to do.

Original poster
Aweigh · 27/08/2023 10:26

> Why would they tell you who he is? They don't just hand that info over

I didn't think they would, but on the other hand it was worth a try.

> She does not want you to do anything? Why are you overriding that?

I'm not.

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 27/08/2023 10:27

I was raped in Asia and to overwhelmed/ scared etc to go to the police when it happened. I reported it to the police when I got back to the UK and they told me they would be able to work with police in the country it happened in to investigate/ prosecute etc. In the end I didn’t go through with formally giving a statement etc as I didn’t know the name of the person who raped me or any information to help identify him, several weeks had passed so no forensics likely to be found and so I didn’t want to have to go through it all in fine detail when chance of prosecution was low, but if I had the UK police were reassuring the fact it happened overseas shouldn’t be a factor in my decision.

As this happened on a plane and the man had a seat number etc I would think the UK police would be able to identify this man so if your DD wants to report then she should be able to do so, but obviously the decision is hers and the decision not to report is a valid one if that’s what she decides.

Newusernaming · 27/08/2023 10:29

You should report to higher authorities in Air India. Something like this happened in an Indian airlines before, a drunk man pissed on a woman and she reported and police was involved. It was all over twitter. In that case, both parties were Indian and the victim wanted to take action against the man. He lost his job.

The crime against you daughter is very serious and people should not get away. But ultimately, it's your daughter's choice.

Crunchymum · 27/08/2023 10:47

LlynTegid · 27/08/2023 10:01

Sorry to read about this.

Unrelated perhaps, but the Ryanair unwillingness to get a family sat together I was reminded of in a way.

Edited

Yes very unrelated and she was a solo traveller (so not separated from anyone)

I'm a little confused OP, are you saying he's a gurka based in the UK?

Original poster
Aweigh · 27/08/2023 10:58

> I'm a little confused OP, are you saying he's a gurka based in the UK?

Nepali rather than British Nepali from what I gathered. It wasn't clear whether he was returning home from the UK to Nepal permanently, or it was just a holiday/leave from the UK to Nepal. I don't think the word 'gurka' was used, but he's in the army and Nepali.

OP posts:
CaptainSeven · 27/08/2023 11:01

If your daughter will let you contact the Military Police with as much information as possible.

Fuck sakes. A fucking Gurkha??? They are supposed to be the best of the best.

I hold them in such high regard.

Your poor DD.

I'm devastated on her behalf

Cantstaystuckforever · 27/08/2023 11:07

UK police. He probably isn't a gurkha, any more than the many dodgy guys who lie about being SAS are actually special forces, and it's much better for them to follow up than you, they can get more from Air India and elsewhere as well. I hope your daughter can also get support, it's a horrible experience to have.

MotherOfGodWeeFella · 27/08/2023 11:13

I agree with @Cantstaystuckforever that given his high regard for himself he has probably invented what he told her about himself. The airline will definitely be able to identify him to the police.

While I understand what pps have said about your daughter's autonomy and her wishes, I absolutely do think we need to make it easier for the victims of these disgusting men to report them to the police. For too long the perpetrators of sexual assaults have relied on the shock and trauma of their victims and the way the authorities deal with reported assaults to get away with this disgusting behaviour.

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