Daughter sexually assaulted on flight

[Aweigh]

My daughter flew an Air India flight from LHR to DEL, from where she had a connecting flight to another country.

She is 16 and was travelling alone.

She was in the window seat, and the young man next to her was Nepali and travelling there. She does not know his name but it seems that he was or is a gurkha.

She chatted briefly during the flight and in the middle of the night he sexually assaulted her.

She told me this a few days latter.

It is clear from what I have read that this took place in Indian territory, it being an Indian plane, so the Indian police have jurisdiction, so that's not very useful.

My daughter says she doesn't want to do anything about the matter, but I did contact Air India on the hope that perhaps I could find out this man's personal details, social media, whether he's still in the UK army and so on.

However Air India have replied:

1. we won't give these out
2. our crew did not receive any report at the time (well no, she was frightened).

Do you have any suggestions if I should do anything else?

My daughter says she doesn't want to do anything about the matter, but I did contact Air India on the hope that perhaps I could find out this man's personal details, social media, whether he's still in the UK army and so on.

If that is not overriding her and taking control away from her I don't know what is! I know you want to get the bastard, I would too, but it is not about you it is about her.

You need to listen to your dd. Advise her and if you can help her explore her feelings without any putting pressure on her, if you can't pinpoint her in the direction of advice services that will respect her decisions.

Your poor dd.

This is a good warning to other single women to always sit in an aisle seat.

Awful. She can report this to the police. They will advise how to proceed.

For any legitimate data sharing to take place there would have to be a police report.

Seriously, this is how stuff on social media gets blown out of all proportion.

You don’t know he was a Gurkha. The OP doesn’t even know he was a Gurkha.
Why would it change your opinion of the regiment as a whole??

Trying to find out who he was is a complete non-starter. Report to the police, they will deal with Air India and they can figure out who DD was sitting next to.

The military police will have zero jurisdiction here, this isn't a military matter, they don't even know if he was military, even if he was this would be a matter for the civilian police.

@FlatWhiteExtraHot

I haven't said it's changed my opinion of the entire Regiment. You are reading into that.

I know the competition for recruitment for that Regiment.

If he is a Gurkha he IS supposed to be the best of the best. He's really let himself down if he is and I hope the young girl in question can find it in herself to follow this up with the police.

If he is in the military at least he can be tried under military law as well as civilian law.

I hold the Gurkhas in high regard. I said that in my original post and made no comment about changing that.

I've trained with Gurkhas. I wouldn't change my opinion based on one (potential) incident.

FAOD potential as in he's potentially a Gurkha.

I believe the OPs daughter. Absolutely.

> Your poor dd.

> This is a good warning to other single women to always sit in an aisle seat.

Yes I know, but she's flying back to the UK now and just checked-in. I bought a fully flex (expensive) economy Qantas ticket (one-way ticket), and they said 'you can choose your seat for free'. So the first leg was on a codeshare on Jetstar Asia (which is basically a subsidiary of Qantas), and the second leg is on Qantas.

So it's a Qantas ticket with a Qantas booking code and they provided a separate booking code for the Jetstar site which worked so I was able to select an emergency exit row aisle seat there. But the Qantas site said she couldn't check in online OR select a seat and she'd have to do it at the airport. So when she got to the airport for the first leg they gave her a boarding pass middle seat for Singapore - London and said 'you can change it in Singapore'. And when she got to Singapore I told her to go to the Qantas transit desk and get it changed to an aisle seat (which she doubly wants because she's tall).

And of course Qantas said 'flight is full, can't move' But how can that be the case when the flight is not taking off for another 6.5 hours? I mean tbf it's actually Sydney - Singapore - London, so I guess there must be quite a few checked in from Sydney all the way in the same seat, but there should be still plenty who've not checked in yet.....

Anyway if it was me I'd complain more vociferously but she doesn't like to make a fuss, so there we are. I guess 16 year old girls get seen as pliant and end up in situations like this as a result.

I understand why she’s loathe to report but I would, in your shoes, explain to her why it’s really important to report in these circs even if it would be uncomfortable to do so. If she still refuses, you will have to respect that.

I think a lot of the time that people talk about not reporting to the police is due to the persons autonomy. But at that age they are still looking to you for guidance so if they say they don’t want to go to the police as they are scared and you say okay we won’t unfollow your lead. But maybe taking to her about getting some non police involvement with a center or counselling is better and she needs you to show this is wrong and you will help her and guide her and support her and not leave her on her own. That making a report is her taking control and not hiding what he did as it’s not her shame to hide.

sadly the airline won’t just give the details out no matter what you write.

I work with survivors of sexual assault as a part of my job. PLEASE do not report to the police if your daughter does not want this. Allow her to take control of what she wants to do. Talk to her about a SARC - they can collect any evidence and do a forensic interview but just hold on file for if she wishes to report in the future. They can talk her through what a police process would look like. An alternative is to speak to your local SV charity for support, again they will talk to her about what she would like to do and may be able to offer counselling support. If you're Birmingham adjacent the relevant charities are RSVP and Black Country Women's Aid which are excellent.

Much love to your daughter. This is a horrible thing that happened but it doesn't have to define her going forward x

As this happened on a plane and the man had a seat number etc I would think the UK police would be able to identify this man so if your DD wants to report then she should be able to do so, but obviously the decision is hers and the decision not to report is a valid one if that’s what she decides.

I completely agree.

I would email them and explain what happened and ask them to give his details to the police (they can’t give you his details obviously).

When they email back and if it says they can’t do anything then post this on their social media site (you could even use a false account and cross out identifying info).

This will not only hopefully force them to have his details to the police but it may also make other passengers aware of what could happen.

Often social media is way more powerful that simply complaining or even going to the police.

MP will absolutely have an interest if he is an active serviceman. The U.K. holds universal jurisdiction over service members so they fall under both U.K. military and civilian law no matter where the offence took place.

I doubt you will get any where though , it will surely just be his word against hers

What do you mean sadly? Airlines and other companies cannot give put names and details just because people really want it, would you be OK with your name been given out just because they asked?

Yes if the daughter wanted to report it to the police the police can investigate but they can't just give it out.

Personally I would not let it rest. What if he does it to others and following up on this instance helps to stop this from happening? The fact that he did this on a plane means his name and details can be easily tracked. If he does this to someone somewhere else it might not be so easy to track him down. I'd take advantage of this fact.

I've read of numerous incidents when people did not report something and went on to report it years later when they finally dealt with their trauma. I would get my daughter counseling, contact any rape clinics for advice and personally I would follow up on it with police and at least try to get some justice for my child.

Even if you did report it, without your daughter speaking to the police would they be able to do anything? I would have thought it had to come from her?

What's the relevance of those questions? It's rude and intrusive!

@Floweryx123 wow ok thanks for telling me, no need to be grumpy with me. Was a genuine innocent question. Sorry I'm so stupid

My daughter recently flew that route with that airline and I completely believe your daughter. The misogyny was dreadful. They refused to even speak to her as she was with a Male ( platonic) friend only the Male mattered. We had a different issue and had to make a complaint and get a refund and the jurisdiction fell to the airport she had left from ie Heathrow and therefore EU law for the CAA. Hope this helps if she changes her mind.