Why is ‘Kind regards’ a bad sign off

[SuperiorM]

So, I’ve just heard that ‘Kind Regards’ is considered passive aggressive. Maybe I’m just old and out of touch but it sounds more like a more friendly’Best wishes’ to me. I suppose I’m going to have to stop using it.

(a) It was. People haven't just started behaving that way in the last 25 years.
(b) If you mean the term didn't exist, also wrong, it did. Wikipedia confirms: Passive-aggressive behavior was first defined clinically by Colonel William C. Menninger during World War II in the context of men's reaction to military compliance. Menninger described soldiers who were not openly defiant but expressed their civil disobedience (what he called "aggressiveness") by "passive measures, such as pouting, stubbornness, procrastination, inefficiency, and passive obstructionism" due to what Menninger saw as an "immaturity" and a reaction to "routine military stress".

@EarringsandLipstick Yes that’s what I meant. I always thought that was polite, friendly but still formal especially if we’ve emailed back and forth previously, it’s always followed by ‘I hope you’re well’ or something like that.

Fair play!

Gretchen Rubin writes about this. She decided to stop all salutations / greetings / closing. She felt it took up time she didn't want to spend.

She got complaints from recipients saying it was cold / unfriendly etc.

She considered this. Saw their point. Decided she would carry on regardless as it suited her. Love it.

Ok so how do you start an email if you don’t want to say ‘Hi’ or ‘Dear’ at the start.

I find these things so confusing, all this time I’ve been thinking I’m being polite and to the point and I’m just coming across badly. Tbh I spend ages formulating written comms as I’m often too direct. This likely comes across badly even though there’s never any ill intent implied. It’s just how I communicate.

What about
'lots of love'
But no kisses of course

Passive aggressiveness did exist 25 years ago but I think the definition has changed. What I would regard as a polite way of pointing out someone has cocked up my 20 something DD regards as 'a bit pass agg'. I don't get it. If I'm blunt surely that's rude and aggressive.

I am incredibly impish then. If someone said they couldn't find an email they'd be getting a link to the 365 outlook search function.

If they ignore me and cine back later they get the same thing.

I am a bit of a terror though and understand why a lot of people might not want to do that. But in my experience people react wisely, ie they don't ever try and make me search through my emails again to save them searching through theirs.

I make exceptions for colleagues I know to be swamped, I don't for those I know to be lazy/throwing their weight around.

Maybe Randolph is such a knob because he’s from Swindon?

(I joke, I joke, before you Swindoners come at me.)

I wouldn't worry, if it's in keeping with where you work, and hasn't caused you issues.

As you can see on this thread, there are many varying views - and it's light-hearted!

Even if I got a direct or blunt email, if my wider engagement with the person was respectful and professional, I wouldn't think twice about it.

I'm thinking of my last email exchange of the day today. A colleague in another part of the university, who is lovely & warm, and who I'd just had a very cordial meeting with, then emailed me as if we'd never met, as she always does. So formal! Just her way & means nothing.

I could even give it a BOOP ...

[obscure Archers-related cross-thread joke]

I prefer Best or All the best or Thanks.

I use Regards if I’m being formal and Kind regards if I don’t like the person 😆

Yes that’s better. Kind regards doesn’t mean anything and is a complete waste of your time.

@Beenhereforever1978

No, she says 'sorry if I missed it' when I haven't sent her something (ie my error not hers!), not that she can't find it!

I mean it won't be anything massive, we both have very heavy workloads so not everything will be done in a certain order.

I'd never do something like point them to a search function in any case. That's not PA, that's rude.

I try to recognise that most people are doing their best & cut them some slack. If it's putting me in a problematic situation I'll deal with that f2f.

I say best. I think that is pretty bland.

I cannot use kind regards ever since I once hit the t instead of the g when typing fast and I didn’t notice. It’s one of those memories that still occasionally stops me in my tracks and makes me cringe.

I've obviously not thought hard enough about any of this. I tend to alternate 'all the best' & 'best wishes' when emailing customers, & either start 'Hi X' or 'Dear X' depending on my best guess of their age / how they've given their name (Dear Mrs Brown / Frank, Hi Ryan / Olivia).

A quick scroll through my inbox ups the stakes from Kind to Kindest Regards (someone trying to get me to stock their product) but also suggests that Hey Sadik definitely more popular than Hi with those below a certain age.

I sometimes say “morning” or “afternoon” if I know the recipient instead of hi / hello / just a name.

Exactly.

I can be hugely formal and am with clients/opposition.

Most busy and important people, in my experience, value brevity.

I may or may not occasionally start my emails "OI!"

International contact uses warm regards. I kind of like it. It's like a hug!

Kindest regards: my first go to.

Many thanks : also pleasant

Warm regards: extra special , I really like you customer , thank you for being so great

Kind regards: politely professional

Regards : you're pissing me off now

Gentle reminder: Pay your well overdue f**king bill .....through gritted teeth... we'll both pretend that possibly you genuinely forgot but since I have to gently remind you every month I know you're just a CF......but let's just be nice and both pretend.

As I'm sure you'll appreciate: I'm at the end of my tether with you now and I'm typing super hard on the keyboard and restraining myself from screaming at the computer.

I trust all is in order : next step.... litigation

I’m an over-user of the expectant exclamation mark!

I try really hard not to but I just can’t help it 😔

I also open every single single fucking Teams meeting with a conversation about the weather 😔😔

I’d never just use ‘Regards’ at the end if an email though, unless I actively wanted that person dead. I’m not a monster.

I've though to use it for when I don't want to use 'hi' but wasn't sure if it was outdated either. I use 'Hi x' if it's informal or they've already used hi. I use Hello if I don't have a name. If I do have a name then 'Hello x' makes me think 'Hello Clarice' though!

I always sign off emails that way (so do all my colleagues) and I consider it nicer and warmer than just writing regards.

When someone signs off regards when they normally sign kind regards is pissed off with you.
Kind regards is normal.

I may or may not occasionally start my emails "OI!"

I know this is humorous but I couldn't work with you if you were addressing me, ever, like this. I'd tell you so in person tho!