In the old days…

[Timetochangegonzo]

Did people converse differently with each other. I’m watching a (modern, award winning) film set in 50s / 60s and everyone is incredibly formal with each other. Even with their family. There’s little laughing and joking and a lot of….well, words….

Now I know films aren’t real life but it’s such a common thing to see this amongst middle class families in media, I wondered whether anyone that lived in that time could confirm whether this is reality and life was much more formal? Or it’s all just bullshit.

We eat all our meals at the table. When I'm WFH alone I usually bring a sandwich back to my desk but otherwise its at the table and is with everyone we ever visit.

My parents wouldn't ever be seen in their pyjamas. They are always fully dressed before breakfast.

My parents married in the early 70s and called their in-laws Mum and Dad.

I make my kids eat all their meals except breakfast at the table but don't always eat with them. I sit and chat but am very lazy about enforcing table manners and meals are nowhere near as formal as when I was small. We're in pyjamas for breakfast but I can't wear them any later in the day, it's just a habit for me to get showered and dressed after breakfast, don't even think about it.

I wonder if conversation was better? As in, did people hold forth and everyone listen or was there actual reciprocal conversation? Seem to notice nowadays there's little meaningful conversations, it's all banter,light hearted etc. No putting the world to rights or sharing feelings. That's my experience anyway.

Born in the 60s but brought up by DGP, adult 2nd/3rd cousins were Aunty and Uncle, neighbours Mr and Mrs, DGMs closest friends were Aunty and Uncle . Our childhood friends' parents were Mr and Mrs.
All meals eaten at the table, 'please may I leave the table ' after we finished the meal. Speech was corrected. We were expected to converse properly, no slang.
I still can't call my mums cousins by their first name. It feels disrespectful.
DGP were working class, and we lived in a council house on an estate.

I'm the same. I remember my dad carrying the formica table into the living room on xmas day to eat dinner on it and feeling very posh! My kids had meals at the dinner table but i personally would rather have it on my knees in front of the tv..

As did DGF to go out, and he wore a hat as well (this was the 1970s, took the tie off when he came home. When he moved to wearing polo neck sweaters one winter it was a real event.

I worked in a shop in the 90s and mt dad wouldn't come in and see me if he wasn't wearing a tie. And he wore shirt and tie on a long train journey or on a plane. Seeing how casual people are now travelling would amaze him.

There should be a happy medium between formal and relaxed that still includes good manners.
We have certain rules like: no pyjamas outside of bedrooms, all meals at the dining table, enunciating words, no hollering.
I need to insist more on looking neat though…

Did this formality continue in the family home? I find it amazing no-one could ever just sit around in their pj’s slobbing out, eating pizza and chatting.

Really? I'm 51, I'm from a normal middle class family, and my parents wouldn't have done that, never mind my grandparents. Except the chatting bit, of course! Pyjamas are for bed time and meals are eaten at the table. Same in my house tbh.

Of course standards and behaviour have changed. Massively. It's good in some ways and bad in others.

I know…..scary prospect! I miss the 90s!

I think the training these actors received was very different. More of what we think as classical stage actors nowadays.
So much more formal.

We also eat meals at the table- sounds like we are outdated.

But then, a friend once said we are the only family she knows that eat a McDonald's off a plate at the diningtable ... 🙈🙉🙊!

This sounds hard work.

I’d have hated my dc to look ‘neat’

I'm 46 now so childhood in 80s, teens in 90s. My family were quite formal, we had strict routines particularly around meals - no elbows on tables, no slouching etc. (See some of the daft stuff on the Things your parents didn't believe in thread). My dad always wore a shirt and tie even on days off, often seen gardening like this. Table set for all meals except breakfast, tea only from tea cups with saucers, the appropriate spoon for each course etc. Cursing, muttering, interrupting were all frowned upon. We asked for permission to leave the table. We did talk a lot though but manners were always most important. It was only when I went to others houses I realised how formal we were by contrast. I'm Irish Catholic raised in a smallish town.

Also dress code. We had play clothes but we wore our good clothes on Sunday or going anywhere. That said my mum was very cool about getting play clothes filthy and climbing trees etc, it was just a matter of changing.

Ordinary women made their own clothes, bought second hand clothes or bought from local cheap stores

I think you’ve forgotten a little thing called M and S. Mum bought all her stuff there even though we had no money. She never bought from second hand. In fact were there even second hand shops? It was jumble sales then.

We had local charity shops...but back then charity shops weren't cool like they are now. They were for poor people. Bear in mind we didn't have cheap/budget clothes shops back then like Primark. My mum was absolutely horrified at the thought of second hand clothes. She once donated an old jumper to our local charity shop and her friend whose husband had lost his job turned up to a party wearing it. I remember my mum talking about it in hushed tones to my dad and I was told never to mention it to anyone so this woman wasn't embarrassed.

I remember when budget food shops came along like Kwik save and Netto... nowadays everyone goes to Lidl and Aldi but back then it was really embarrassing to shop in budget supermarkets.

I think you’ve forgotten a little thing called M and S

And Bon Marche.

I'm not sure Bon Marche had arrived in UK in the 50s/60s (the timeframe of the opening post). M&S were expensive. People on lower incomes would be more likely to buy clothes at the Co-op (which ran a large chain of clothing stores) and I think BHS was around, certainly be the 1960s.

But people did buy to last, and there would be extensive handing down in families (not just siblings, also cousins) as well as clothing frequently being a gift. People altered and mended more, and home knitted items abounded (that could be unravelled and knitted into something else - I can well remember sitting with hands apart as wool was re-wound)

I remember this too, in th eighties, wouldn’t dream of addressing an eldery neighbour down the lane by their first name although this was never suggested. they all addressed me by my first name as I requested, being so much younger.
They were old fashioned and formal, referring to each other by Mrs or Mr.
Children learnt to respect old/er people this way too, observing and copying my courtesy.

As children we were taught deference to ‘elders and betters’ and to address
parents of friends, neighbours, by proper salutation. Closer friends of parents
were often honorary Aunty or Uncle
These were the days of formal invitations, thnk you letters, clean white handkerchiefs
you know,
the olden days

I'm not sure Bon Marche had arrived in UK in the 50s/60s (the timeframe of the opening post)

There was one in Brixton in the 60s. My aunt (emigrated to Australia in 1968) swore by it for clothes.

https://www.brixtonbuzz.com/2015/06/brixton-history-one-hundred-years-of-bon-marche-in-brixton-and-its-secret-tunnels/

I had elocution lessons in primary school in the mid 80's.

1950s born council house kid here. Dad worked in a shop, Mum a school dinners lady so definitely working class.

Up and dressed in our bedrooms mostly but we were allowed to get dressed downstairs when it was cold as we only had one coal fire in the living room. Slobbing about in pyjamas definitely not permitted unless ill.

Best clothes worn on a Sunday even if we were not going anywhere and no messy play.

Meals all at the table. No TV during meals (although we didn't have one until I was about 9/10). Lots of chat and laughter but no squealing allowed. Only one meal served, no multiple choices (apart from take it or leave it). Might be asked what we fancied but that was it.

No take-aways unless fish and chips at the seaside. Don't remember them ever going out for a meal while we were children. All cakes and desserts home made, never shop bought.

Don't remember being told I was loved all the time but was in no doubt that I was. Lots of cuddles. Sunday mornings brother and I would join Mum and Dad in bed, stories read, play wrestling with Dad.

Strict discipline. Good manners instilled and bad behaviour just not tolerated. I don't remember ever having argument with either of them, even as a teenager, because if they decided you weren't going somewhere or not having something that was it. Whinging resulted in something being taken away.Mum always said she was proud of the fact that we could be taken anywhere and would behave. I think this was mainly because they had no money for extras but we were treated when things were going OK. Dad used to walk the 4 miles there and 4 miles back to work when things were tight to save on bus fare.

If we ever got into trouble at school (rare) we were also in trouble at home.

God I miss them both so much. It was a wonderful, loving home.