In the old days…

[Timetochangegonzo]

Did people converse differently with each other. I’m watching a (modern, award winning) film set in 50s / 60s and everyone is incredibly formal with each other. Even with their family. There’s little laughing and joking and a lot of….well, words….

Now I know films aren’t real life but it’s such a common thing to see this amongst middle class families in media, I wondered whether anyone that lived in that time could confirm whether this is reality and life was much more formal? Or it’s all just bullshit.

Idk but in the future we will grunt like cavemen, laugh by yelling LOLOLOLOL and all have crooked necks.

I remember my grandfather wore a tie every single day just to sit at home... He never went anywhere.

Was about to something similar. I grew up in 70s and 80s referring to everyone by their surnames, even close neighbours. Actually, I still think of some people as Mr X or Mrs Y.

Also, people didn’t hug as much as today. More of a handshake for men.

like pp, I don’t live everyone calling me by my first name, unless. Uni properly know them. Seems over familiar.

Unless I. Properly

As children we never called adults by their Christian names.

It was Mr or Mrs, or if a bit more familiar we used "auntie" even though they weren't an auntie.

So neighbours were always "auntie" Silvia, or whatever.

I still won't wear pyjamas to sit around the house.

In the 60s and 70s children referred to people as mister or Misses.
My parents referred to acquaintances as Mr or Mrs.
It was a more deferential time.

@ssd don't be so dismissive of a time that you clearly know nothing about.

Is this so unusual? We eat all our meals at the table.

Yes it is unusual to eat all meals at a dining table. Breakfast cereal, sandwich at lunch, etc.

I was born in 1970. We never did this. We didn’t eat pizza or have it delivered. Dinner was always eaten together at the table. I don’t think I really knew what pizza was until the arrival of Pizza Hut restaurants. My family were a laid back one too, we weren’t ‘formal’ or posh. Just ordinary. We did occasionally eat takeaway fish and chips in the car on days out.

😂 I'm Future Woman already!

Etiquette standards have definitely dropped for sure!
I'm glad we have a much more nurturing society that cares about mental health and expressing our feelings, but I don't like the lack of manners and respect we have for other people. Just because we can say what we think, doesn't always mean we should.

I would also love to step out of the house with a hat and white cotton gloves without looking like I'm playing dress up

My grandma lived next to a lady for 30 plus years who was only about 10 years older than her but she called her “Mrs Cook” and so everyone in the family didn’t did.
It was a respect thing I think. They were great friends too but still the formality.

A lot of this sounds just so stifling. I assume you couldn’t really express your true personality to many people and never felt relaxed.

Shop assistants used to call my mother “Madam” and offer her a chair whilst they brought items she selected

how did this work practically - with about 50million people in the country in the 50s. Imagine everyone in primark sitting down and waiting - the queues would be a mile long!

I eat precisely no meals at a table unless I’m in a restaurant

Goods and clothing were more expensive. People definitely bought less so it wasn't like shops were packed with people like they are now.

🤦‍♀️

I have pictures of my granddad on the beach sitting in a deckchair in a suit and tie!

Excuse me????

@Timetochangegonzo that poster is talking about stores aimed at middle class. Ordinary women made their own clothes, bought second hand clothes or bought from local cheap stores.
Some things people talk about have a strong class element. Some things were more universal.
It wasn't stifling though, just the idea of what was polite was different. For example every shop assistants counted out change as they handed it over into your hand. Not to do so was seen as rude and bad service, ideas change.

I would be ashamed to admit that.

Why ashamed? It's just a different way of doing things.

If you watch the very early episodes of Coronation Street, then you will get a better idea of how ordinary people communicated.

Babdoc "I also deplore the dumbing down of language. If you read any Victorian novel, you will find a much wider vocabulary than in modern literature, and readers were assumed to understand the meaning of much longer and more obscure words than nowadays. "

The other perspective there is the use of internet language or just modern language. Language evolves really fast now I find, so one sign of intelligence might be understanding the range of meanings attached to one word. Just a change to how we perceive things maybe?

There are some formalities I miss from the 90s probably. I wish people didn't treat public transport and public spaces like their front rooms. i wish people didn't take their DC everywhere.

I think it's good in some ways to eat a table in terms of keeping sofa crumb feee etc - but I really hated those stifling family dinners with all of us really too tired to talk but trying to.

If I had children I'd not impose family dinners. We got out of it as teens, partly due to luck with after school activities taking up so much time, and partly due to parents having other commitments. Most of my friends don't get their kids to do family dinners.

It's not in the same realm but something else I find weird is the extended adolescence now, whereas for us it was normal to be able to sort out your own dinner and laundry etc as a teen.

I don't hang around in PJs either but I never wear a bra at home, which mum found horrifying till recently! She says "what if someone knocks at the door?" 😂