Impossible to wake husband without him being shocked if napping

[Dowtcha]

No matter what technique I use, my DH wakes up startled and shocked if I wake him from a nap. Often gives me a shock as a result as he may shout out. Obviously I only wake him if necessary. Anyone else experience this?

How often does your DH nap? And how often do you have to wake him from a nap?

DH never naps. Neither do I. We just sleep at night time.

I guess I’m just trying to establish how much of an issue this actually is.

Yep. No matter how quietly and gently I try to do it, he shouts and jumps like I’ve attacked him with the bread knife.

Same. DH is up early in the morning so often snoozes on the sofa before we go up in the evening and whenever I wake him to tell him to go to bed (or that I'm going up!), he is shocked and often wakes with a gasp. Not sure who he thinks is gently shaking his shoulder... 😂

Isn't everyone shocked if they're woken suddenly?

Is this abnormal for him? My partner works from him, self employed, and he has a heavy midday nap. He always has for as long as I've known him and I've never understood it because 1. I can't fall asleep midday 2. I feel jetlagged if I do. He can just walk into the living room, sit down and decide to take a nap. He wants up of his own accord within about an hour it's like he's got an internal alarm but if I've ever had to wake him he isn't startled.

How many naps is he taking? Not normal for adults to nap frequently.

I can gauge from the rough time he went to sleep or how he is sleeping whether he's in deep sleep or light. I wait for the lighter sleep and place my hand on him, rather than speak and shake him, because I know exactly what it feels like to be woken from deep sleep and absolutely hate the fear response.

I think if they’re woken gently most people don’t react in an extreme way. My dh does - not matter how quiet I am, he does a huge twitch, limbs flailing, and shouts a loud “HUH? UH? WHAT? WUH?”
Even if I just switch the light on and off a couple of times he still startles and shouts.

That's normal.

Just shout from the other side of the room. It doesn't matter if he shouts out.

This is nonsense. Napping is known to be really healthy and prolong your life!

Cool I'm off for a nap

Exactly this. He reacts as if he is being attacked! Even when I just very gently call his name. I'm not concerned, just wondered how uncommon it was.

Yes it's pretty extreme, exactly like this.

Ugh, that's absolutely the best way to wake me in an absolute panic, dizzy, retching and unable to function.

It worked very well for my mother and my abusive ex, obviously, once they twigged it caused abject terror.

That's awful and I'm sorry they put you through that. I promise you I'm not trying to scare or upset him. I had no idea that switching the lights could be so upsetting, I was trying to be gentle because talking or touching him seems to shock him so badly.
He doesn't nap much and I very rarely have to wake him anyway. I leave him alone unless it's really necessary to disturb him.

PS @NeverDropYourMooncup Thanks for explaining that - I won't do it again now I know it can be so awful for some people.

DH always falls asleep in the sofa late evening and when I say goodnight and kiss him he’s always startled. I’m sure it’s not the case for me, but I think I sleep more lightly (as evidenced by years of waking up when babies/children wake).

I once did this on a commute home. I'd fallen asleep and the woman next to me wanted to get out. I yelled out, realised I'd done it and died inside of embarrassment.

My husband always looks at me like I’ve shat in his lap when I wake him. No matter how I wake him.

I don't get why posters say it's normal to nap.

The whole of southern Europe takes a siesta

Unless he wakes naturally I'm not surprised

Why do you wake him?

I'd never wake DH from a nap. If he knows he has to be someone he sets an alarm.

Why do you have to wake him to tell him you're going to bed?

I’ve been married for almost 20 years and my husband always reacts as though I’m an axe murderer if I gently wake him up or even when he goes to bed first and I come in a bit later. I’ve learned to laugh about it but I do wonder who the hell he thinks is getting into bed beside him literally every night of his life!