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Original poster

How can we afford more than one?

65 replies

VitaminNinja · 18/08/2023 17:57

TTC soon, I am the world’s biggest forward planner so I have researched pretty much all the costs I can think of, in order to prepare us for this stage of life ..
DH earns averagely but has the opportunity for commission and is very junior still so will likely be able to go for promotions. My income is similar and I really love my role and thrive off work, I don’t think I’d want to be a SAHM or reduce my hours too much.

We’ve quickly realised that more than one child possibly would compromise our finances. Childcare fees in our area are extortionate. Even if you waited until one was in school, there is then wraparound care and ultimately the £500-1000 a month for childcare on the other is still money out of the family pot each month which could be funding days out, trips, birthday parties, clothes, technology, extra-curricular activities. I know these things must add up. Plus, I would like to be in a position when they are adult to help them out financially, be it driving lessons, their university fees or a deposit to get them on the housing ladder. The more you have the more this is divided.

Did anyone think like this and take the plunge and have a second anyway, trusting things would work out or financial situations change over time?

OP posts:
EvenlyDetermined · 18/08/2023 18:05

Yes, things were tight for a few years but we managed, childcare costs go down once they're at school and stop at secondary school although by then food, clothes and hobbies go up. But it does give you a window to save for uni, driving lessons or whatever and they will hopefully get part time jobs too from about 16/17 and your earnings will hopefully increase over the years.

Scottishskifun · 18/08/2023 18:11

The govt 20% makes a huge difference to childcare costs and it gets considerably easier when funded hours kick in.

2nd child well you will have most of the big things for them. Clothes are mostly vinted or nct sales especially for nursery that saves a lot of money.

Childcare is a big cost especially for preschool age for us full time childcare isn't cost effective so we do 4 days a week.

As for big things like uni that's a long way off same for housing deposits etc and I also think you learn more as a adult by having to save up for things.

TheHorneSection · 18/08/2023 18:16

There’s a reason there is a 5 year gap between our two.

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Summerisawashout · 18/08/2023 18:20

Yeah, it's tough. For a few years my entire salary went on childcare fees. I looked at it as an investment in my future.

If you and DH can work 4 days each you only need to pay for 3 days childcare

Original poster
VitaminNinja · 18/08/2023 19:29

TheHorneSection · 18/08/2023 18:16

There’s a reason there is a 5 year gap between our two.

Fair enough

OP posts:
nolamesallowed · 18/08/2023 19:33

You can't.

LBOCS2 · 18/08/2023 19:36

TheHorneSection · 18/08/2023 18:16

There’s a reason there is a 5 year gap between our two.

Ditto. We had DD2 and it was timed so that I went back to work a couple of weeks after dd1 started primary school. One FT and one with wrap around care with a childminder worked out at around the same cost as a full time nursery place.

caringcarer · 18/08/2023 19:37

I bit the bullet and had 2 DC 18 months apart and stayed home for 2 1/2 years then went back to work full time and kids both in nursery full time. Some people manage to squash 5 days into 4 then each parent has one day off a week with DC. I think this is ideal if you are allowed to do this.

caringcarer · 18/08/2023 19:39

Also with a second child you already have all the equipment you need like buggy etc. So second child is always cheaper. You can probably reuse some clothing and toys as well.

Original poster
VitaminNinja · 18/08/2023 19:51

LBOCS2 · 18/08/2023 19:36

Ditto. We had DD2 and it was timed so that I went back to work a couple of weeks after dd1 started primary school. One FT and one with wrap around care with a childminder worked out at around the same cost as a full time nursery place.

Show quote history

In a way though you’ve still got an extra £40-50k in childcare to shell out, even if not at the same time

OP posts:
LBOCS2 · 18/08/2023 19:54

True, but on a month by month basis it is more affordable!

Both the DC are at primary school now and we spend about £250 a month in wraparound care. The nursery fees are a short term cost, even though when you're in the trenches of it you wonder why you're doing it (and in retrospect, how you afforded it!). You will also benefit from pension contributions and no interruption from your career if you do manage to keep working through.

Bumble84 · 18/08/2023 19:55

I have a 2 year gap and I figured I was saving nursery fees by going back to work when DD1 was 3 and her funded hours kicked in (I did go back to work in between)

Go through your finances with a fine tooth comb and see if you can save before ttc. Buy. As much as you can second hand. Vinted is a great

Original poster
VitaminNinja · 18/08/2023 20:04

LBOCS2 · 18/08/2023 19:54

True, but on a month by month basis it is more affordable!

Both the DC are at primary school now and we spend about £250 a month in wraparound care. The nursery fees are a short term cost, even though when you're in the trenches of it you wonder why you're doing it (and in retrospect, how you afforded it!). You will also benefit from pension contributions and no interruption from your career if you do manage to keep working through.

Thank you, definitely keen still to work

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 18/08/2023 20:07

We planned meticulously so we’d only have one in nursery as the other one would be in school… then second pregnancy was twins. Money was tight but it’s worked out and now they’re all at school it’s fine. We’d be financially better off with 2 dc but I wouldn’t change it for the world, 3 is fun.

Original poster
VitaminNinja · 18/08/2023 20:08

TeenLifeMum · 18/08/2023 20:07

We planned meticulously so we’d only have one in nursery as the other one would be in school… then second pregnancy was twins. Money was tight but it’s worked out and now they’re all at school it’s fine. We’d be financially better off with 2 dc but I wouldn’t change it for the world, 3 is fun.

Gosh I suppose you never consider it might be twins! Sounds like a fun, busy house though

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 18/08/2023 20:11

Honestly, you find ways to make it work. It was tight and budgeting was strict but that means we now save well… currently in Orlando on holiday (on mn while we wait for a thunder storm to pass).

Original poster
VitaminNinja · 18/08/2023 20:20

caringcarer · 18/08/2023 19:39

Also with a second child you already have all the equipment you need like buggy etc. So second child is always cheaper. You can probably reuse some clothing and toys as well.

That’s true, only one set of baby equipment costs

OP posts:
Blessedbethefruitz · 18/08/2023 20:22

Me and dp both squash 5 days into 4.5, so Fridays are split between us. We had a 3 year gap so oldest had the 30 funded hours when baby came along. Now oldest is starting school, we're going up to 5 days nursery for youngest to avoid wrap around care for oldest (he is extremely sensitive and desperate to be home with me specifically as his breastfed little sister hogs me). When our 5 year fixed mortgage ended last year just before it all went mad, we increased our term to 15 years again to gain more leeway in the next few years before they're both in school. We plan to start overpaying next month as dp had a promotion (his salary was swallowed until then by nursery fees, but public sector, secure, pension). We also save enough just for them to hopefully give them both a nice lump sum to help with deposit or pay off uni fees.

Basically it's a huge balance. It can be done if you're creative, without too many sacrifices. We don't go on holidays yet though! Childcare here is about 1.1k for 4 full days per child per month, pre tax free childcare. Having flexibility at work I think is a huge factor.

Gobimanchurian · 18/08/2023 20:26

TeenLifeMum · 18/08/2023 20:07

We planned meticulously so we’d only have one in nursery as the other one would be in school… then second pregnancy was twins. Money was tight but it’s worked out and now they’re all at school it’s fine. We’d be financially better off with 2 dc but I wouldn’t change it for the world, 3 is fun.

Same. Twins arrived when DD was 2.5.

Was a lean few years after that... 2 in nursery, DD in preschool 3 hours a day plus wraparound, some grandparent help (1 day twins, 1 day DD). Only worked 3 days a week and it all went on childcare really. But unbroken pension plus work continuity & progression it's worth it once you're out of those early years.

fireflyloo · 18/08/2023 20:29

The early years with childcare is expensive , but as I'm quickly finding out, so teenage years- uniform, clothes (adult size and cost), sports kit, music kit, school fees (voluntary contribution), clubs, socialising, technology , holidays.

Heyhoherewegoagain · 18/08/2023 20:31

We also have a 5 year gap. I’ll never understand -if all things are equal -why people have kids hot on the hells of each other then are than by surprise that it’s ducking expensive when you have them close together

CurlewKate · 18/08/2023 20:32

In the vast majority of cases, a sibling is better than driving lessons.

UndercoverCop · 18/08/2023 20:33

We have a joint income around 100k we stopped at one, we live in an area where housing costs are high so we have a fairly big mortgage for a pretty ordinary house. We definitely could afford two by tightening out belts not holidaying for a few years, limiting activities etc, but just decided we didn't want to. Also I was 34 when I had DS so a bigger age gap would've meant parenting until sixty pretty much. I intend to be retired by then.
It's just personal choice. You either compromise on the number of children or on other things in your life. Neither is wrong.

Thethruththewholetruth · 18/08/2023 20:34

It’s the reason I only have one sadly

SquashPenguin · 18/08/2023 20:38

We’re only hoping to have one. We’ve now spent just over £30k on ivf and even if we got lucky enough to have one, two would absolutely be out the question trying to pay that off as well. It’s so shit 😓