How can we afford more than one?

[VitaminNinja]

TTC soon, I am the world’s biggest forward planner so I have researched pretty much all the costs I can think of, in order to prepare us for this stage of life ..
DH earns averagely but has the opportunity for commission and is very junior still so will likely be able to go for promotions. My income is similar and I really love my role and thrive off work, I don’t think I’d want to be a SAHM or reduce my hours too much.

We’ve quickly realised that more than one child possibly would compromise our finances. Childcare fees in our area are extortionate. Even if you waited until one was in school, there is then wraparound care and ultimately the £500-1000 a month for childcare on the other is still money out of the family pot each month which could be funding days out, trips, birthday parties, clothes, technology, extra-curricular activities. I know these things must add up. Plus, I would like to be in a position when they are adult to help them out financially, be it driving lessons, their university fees or a deposit to get them on the housing ladder. The more you have the more this is divided.

Did anyone think like this and take the plunge and have a second anyway, trusting things would work out or financial situations change over time?

I've had this horror go through my head recently, problem is number 2 is on the way now 🤣

Dh and I sat down and went through our incomings and outgoings, looked at where we could save money and where we could move money.

Our mortgage repayment went up £300 at the start of the year and everything else seems to be going up too. This time last year we were spending approx £1000 less a month on life in general. We're lucky in that our savings haven't had to be used to pay for day to day (but have had to be used to get the car repaired for example)

Ds starts school in September, he will have some wraparound, but also will be with grandparents some days. We're lucky for the family support.

Almost everything for this baby is hand me down/back as in we gave stuff to family and friends and they gave it all back after we announced dc2.

My mat leave is going to be tight as my wage drops to stat which is a considerable loss, however, we won't have to use wraparound care for ds for the majority of the school year, but that savings will help towards nursery costs when baby starts next year.

It's one of those things where it's true, you just have to get on with it and make things work.

There will be 4 and a half years between these two, we initially wanted closer in age, but my fertility wouldn't allow that, but I think it's a positive for our life with how the world is now.

Do people really think the free childcare hours won't come into effect at all?

I can see them backtracking to 15 hours term time rather than 30 hours term time, and of course it doesn't include extras - just like the 30 hours for 3 year olds - but there would be a real issue building up if people have kids on the basis of this help and it doesn't come about. I appreciate the Tories HOPEFULLY won't be in power by 2025 and so wouldn't have to face this issue, but even still, it would be political suicide for one of labour's first decisions to be killing this scheme, surely? We're kind of counting on the 15 hours for our two year old next year lol.

I think whatever choice you make is entirely valid for you and your family. For what it’s worth, we had our second DC as our first started school mainly because of nursery fees (London) but it just worked with other stuff like jobs etc. All our planning has been made a bit redundant as our youngest starts nursery the same month our new mortgage fix starts. We are going to be laughably skint! But it’s short term - our lifestyle will change significantly until we get some free hours, I’m trying to pick up extra bits of work and it’s stressful - but even if I’d known I’d still have gone ahead. DC1’s joy at being a sibling is worth every moment of worry for us. That won’t be everyone’s experience and I know the COL crisis is horrendous for lots of people. But for us I wouldn’t change our choice to go ahead with DC2, we’re so happy. Good luck with your TTC plans! X

If another party get in, they would be fully able to say it was a political pipedream that had never been costed, and never involved talks with the sector that are supposed to provide it. So hardly political suicide.

Like others, I really wouldn't do any sort of financial planning based on this happening. We have Nurseries closing all the time in our area as the finances don't add up now, let alone with these changes. Nurseries can't get staff to work in them currently, not sure why anyone would think that would change if they make the staff working conditions even more of a challenge.

Thank you, glad things worked for you, congratulations on baby number 2 x

I had one at 34 and one in my early 40s.
So much easier second time - higher salary and better role meant my maternity pay and entitlement was much better.

Im not too phased being an older mum, as I’ve no elderly relatives left alive to care for (my mum had me in her 40s too) I am happy to devote my 50s and 60s to my kids.

A 3 year age gap (timed right) should mitigate most of the costs...

So by the time you have your second, your year on Mat leave coincides with your eldest starting school, so I only used the free childcare hours during that time and by the time I went back to work, my eldest had started school so I only ever had one set of nursery fees to pay.

Also, with that sort of age gap, it's easier to do hand me downs. Bikes, toys etc will all be finished with by DC1 by the time DC2 needs it.

Again, with exams. I only paid for tutoring during years 11, 12 and 13 for subjects they really needed help with. By the time my youngest needed tutoring, my eldest was off to uni. Again with uni costs, with a 3 year gap, my eldest finishes the year my youngest starts. So again, that makes it more manageable (I'm paying out now as much on uni fees as I did on nursery!)

I'm lucky because I also had two of the same sex, so lots of hand me down toys and clothes, and as they're birthdays are close together they also had lots of joint parties when they were little. We used to do big treats for their birthdays (such as a holiday) because it was both their holidays, although the last two are more luck than planning!

My biggest expense for the second child has been food and hobbies.

Thank you for this. I just hope a big age gap wouldn’t mean they weren’t close, as is what happened with me and my sister, though I’m sure that’s more personality related

I have a gap of 2 years and then 4.5 years. My eldest and youngest (so nearly 7 year gap) get on brilliantly!

3-4 year age gap should be fine, personal experience, have known even twins to not get on at all and those with 3-4 year gap to get on really well, play together loads etc and others not so well, very dependant on personality. In families where lots of children they do obviously seem to naturally play with those closest in age so if a 8 and 10 year and 2 and 4 year old they will often group into 2 groups but families with just the 4 and 8 year old often get on brilliantly together

You make sacrifices and you make it work and you watch your little one's play with one another, knowing that you've left a legacy and they'll have one another when you're long gone and your job is long gone.

"Thank you for this. I just hope a big age gap wouldn’t mean they weren’t close, as is what happened with me and my sister, though I’m sure that’s more personality related"

I'd say for my DC the 3 year age gap helped them to be close. It took away the competitiveness, esp as one of mine was extremely competitive, but even she could see that they were at different stages.

They're older teens now, and are very close, eldest is at uni, youngest goes to visit her, they go away to concerts, the theatre, even away on weekends away together. They are genuinely really good friends. With DD1 home for the summer, they've even had sleepovers together!

But as you say, I think it's personality, the fact that they're both girls, have the same interests and for us, enough of an age gap where the youngest never tried competing with the eldest, but the eldest naturally looked after her little sister. I think the age gap helped them to be close, but as you say, compatible personalities count for more!

Tell that to all the people that loathe their siblings. It doesn’t always turn out like that.

Yeah, it’s definitely 50/50 in my experience

I would have happily rather had expensive holidays, nice clothes, university funded etc than had to put up with my horrible brothers growing up.
In fact I would have loved being an only child.