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Original poster

How can we afford more than one?

65 replies

VitaminNinja · 18/08/2023 17:57

TTC soon, I am the world’s biggest forward planner so I have researched pretty much all the costs I can think of, in order to prepare us for this stage of life ..
DH earns averagely but has the opportunity for commission and is very junior still so will likely be able to go for promotions. My income is similar and I really love my role and thrive off work, I don’t think I’d want to be a SAHM or reduce my hours too much.

We’ve quickly realised that more than one child possibly would compromise our finances. Childcare fees in our area are extortionate. Even if you waited until one was in school, there is then wraparound care and ultimately the £500-1000 a month for childcare on the other is still money out of the family pot each month which could be funding days out, trips, birthday parties, clothes, technology, extra-curricular activities. I know these things must add up. Plus, I would like to be in a position when they are adult to help them out financially, be it driving lessons, their university fees or a deposit to get them on the housing ladder. The more you have the more this is divided.

Did anyone think like this and take the plunge and have a second anyway, trusting things would work out or financial situations change over time?

OP posts:
Oldermum84 · 18/08/2023 20:40

It sounds like you can definitely afford another one, it's just figuring out what your priorities are. If you stick at one you can afford more things for them, the uni, the driving lessons etc..but none of that is essential. Lots go without these things. If you want another child then have one and go without some non essentials. If it's more important to have those things than have another child that's totally fine too.

PollyPeep · 18/08/2023 20:41

I know this isn't always a popular opinion online but I think in the vast majority of cases, children benefit more from having a sibling than, for example, expensive days out and trips, expensive birthday parties, clothes, technology, extra-curricular activities, driving lessons, university fees or a deposit. There are so many fun free things to do with kids, eBay for clothes, second hand tech, cheaper holidays etc, that I think those material things don't make up for missing out on having a sibling.

Two kids is expensive but the majority of that is around age 1-2 with the second at nursery - and now the govt is introducing some free hours that will probably benefit your baby from the age of nine months, you might not be as out of pocket as you expect.

Then again, we stopped at two 🤣 I think research shows that after two, additional siblings don't add further happiness to either child.

Monday55 · 18/08/2023 20:45

I think from 2025 it's free nursery hours from 9months old instead of 3years if both parent work, so that should at least ease the burden on childcare costs.
Everything else I'd say children cost as much as you want them to.. you could either buy a 2nd hand buggy for £50 or a fancy new one for £500, same goes for toys and clothes etc.

It's hard to be 100% ready for a child as either of you could be made redundant whilst you're 8months pregnant. So it's more important to have an emergency fund of at least 3months and the rest will take care of itself

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Original poster
VitaminNinja · 18/08/2023 20:57

Monday55 · 18/08/2023 20:45

I think from 2025 it's free nursery hours from 9months old instead of 3years if both parent work, so that should at least ease the burden on childcare costs.
Everything else I'd say children cost as much as you want them to.. you could either buy a 2nd hand buggy for £50 or a fancy new one for £500, same goes for toys and clothes etc.

It's hard to be 100% ready for a child as either of you could be made redundant whilst you're 8months pregnant. So it's more important to have an emergency fund of at least 3months and the rest will take care of itself

Thank you. That will definitely help if it does launch.

OP posts:
Dentaldrama · 18/08/2023 21:00

Only choosing to have one child is a valid choice and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone.

Lorey82 · 18/08/2023 21:12

Yes we just went for it and have been lucky that things have worked out to enable us to afford a few extras but they weren’t priorities anyway. For example we’ve had a nice holiday this summer (after none for years) but it’s not really so essential we would not have had children or work ridiculous hours to afford. We could have have a nice time just going to parks, taking picnics etc. A holiday was just the icing on the cake but they benefit from having each other every day of the year. However if you feel like you would be particularly down if couldn’t afford those things then I suppose it’s something you would need to consider.

Original poster
VitaminNinja · 18/08/2023 21:22

Lorey82 · 18/08/2023 21:12

Yes we just went for it and have been lucky that things have worked out to enable us to afford a few extras but they weren’t priorities anyway. For example we’ve had a nice holiday this summer (after none for years) but it’s not really so essential we would not have had children or work ridiculous hours to afford. We could have have a nice time just going to parks, taking picnics etc. A holiday was just the icing on the cake but they benefit from having each other every day of the year. However if you feel like you would be particularly down if couldn’t afford those things then I suppose it’s something you would need to consider.

Thanks for sharing

OP posts:
Original poster
VitaminNinja · 18/08/2023 22:04

SquashPenguin · 18/08/2023 20:38

We’re only hoping to have one. We’ve now spent just over £30k on ivf and even if we got lucky enough to have one, two would absolutely be out the question trying to pay that off as well. It’s so shit 😓

I’m sorry to hear this, sending baby dust x

OP posts:
cocksstrideintheevening · 18/08/2023 22:08

I was fucked we got twins! It was difficult but we managed, just. They're older now and it worked out fine

Original poster
VitaminNinja · 18/08/2023 22:17

cocksstrideintheevening · 18/08/2023 22:08

I was fucked we got twins! It was difficult but we managed, just. They're older now and it worked out fine

So many people saying this! Eek

OP posts:
EvenlyDetermined · 18/08/2023 22:22

Ours are under 2 years apart so we did have to double up on some stuff (nappies, double buggy, 2 cots, car seats etc not to mention childcare) but you can get a lot of stuff secondhand and then sell it again later. Ours are 19 and 17 now and the smallish age gap has been brilliant for every reason except the early expense and even then it meant that I got both my mat leaves out of the way fairly close together and so felt it was less disruption to my career. I also enjoyed having a second mat leave before the eldest had started school and it was lovely being at home with him again.

LittleRedY0shi · 18/08/2023 22:32

I'm also a extensive planner - but of course, you can only plan so far. You could decide to stick to one for financial reasons, only to have an unexpected windfall once your child bearing years have passed. Or you could conclude you can handle the costs of two and then circumstances change and it becomes a struggle. A couple of years ago, who could have predicted that inflation and interest rates would soar as dramatically as they have this year? But people are very adaptable and if things do end up worse than you expect, you'll find ways around it. I'm another one whose 2nd pregnancy was unexpectedly twins (sorry!) - I had 3 kids all at nursery at once, our childcare costs were eye watering for a while and outstripped my earnings. But it was temporary and we got through it - these days those costs are much lower and our incomes have increased. You'll find ways through whatever's thrown at you.

Original poster
VitaminNinja · 18/08/2023 23:21

LittleRedY0shi · 18/08/2023 22:32

I'm also a extensive planner - but of course, you can only plan so far. You could decide to stick to one for financial reasons, only to have an unexpected windfall once your child bearing years have passed. Or you could conclude you can handle the costs of two and then circumstances change and it becomes a struggle. A couple of years ago, who could have predicted that inflation and interest rates would soar as dramatically as they have this year? But people are very adaptable and if things do end up worse than you expect, you'll find ways around it. I'm another one whose 2nd pregnancy was unexpectedly twins (sorry!) - I had 3 kids all at nursery at once, our childcare costs were eye watering for a while and outstripped my earnings. But it was temporary and we got through it - these days those costs are much lower and our incomes have increased. You'll find ways through whatever's thrown at you.

Thank you! That’s a good way of looking at it

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 18/08/2023 23:29

You can't really put emotions and love into a spreadsheet.

DiaNaranja · 18/08/2023 23:50

In my experience (and that of the mums I know) you just do! Most the parents I know have a two year age gap, I think it was just a case of a "get the baby/toddler stage done in one go" mindset, and it seems to have worked out fine for the group of families I know. Most of the mums became sahms, or went back part time, and then returned once the youngest ones were at preschool. I know that's not a financially viable option for some set ups, and tbh, I'm not really sure how we managed on basically one income looking back, but we did, didn't feel like we went without, and didn't struggle financially. But we, and most the families I know, have lots of support from extended family... parents, grandparents etc, and I think that makes a huge difference. My fil would pay for us to go on holiday at least once a year, my mum did the same, and they've always been very hands on with childcare, and taking the kids on days out. Without their help financially, and physically things would have felt alot harder I'm sure. Dc2 wasn't planned, I actually thought for a while I didn't want a second, but she was a happy accident, even though I was very stressed about how we'd manage. They're both school age now, and I'm so glad we did have two, and had them close together in age, they're best friends (for now anyway!) The difference between one and two isn't really that huge to be honest. When it comes to financial help in the future, splitting funds between two, is alot easier than say four or five kids, and for me personally, I know my eldest dd loves her sister so much, she benefits far more from having a sibling than the extra money she "could have had" if she hadn't been born.

AlltheFs · 18/08/2023 23:53

It is a definite factor in why we only have DD, not the only reason but the main one. We were too old for a gap and couldn’t afford two in childcare.

purpletrees16 · 19/08/2023 07:27

I am an only child due to financial reasons but they were extreme. The sibling window was during the late 80s/90s recession. 15% mortgage for the basement flat they’d scraped for. Mum had lost her job after the purchase. I was an accident anyway. Dad was working minimum wage but luckily full time. Rules at the time re:house meant that they didn’t qualify for extra benefits about child benefits (would do now.) No subsided childcare until 3ish I think. 6 months in my granddad died who my grandmother had been a full time carer for near the end and my grandmother was able to take me so my mum found a job a few hours a week. (My mum had a degree and relevant work history so was able to pull a few more £ than my dad.) The rich grandparents also lost a lot of their money at the time due to the economy so couldn’t help (even though had helped mum during the degree - they were more leveraged than actually rich but I mean my other grandparents were in a council flat.) my mum still goes on how they just missed out on the butter ration! By the time the family settled down it was 5 years later and my Dad was no longer keen. They got a dog. I think I had a great childhood - there were lots of neighbourhood kids in the flats and we all messed about in the garden together.

crossstitchingnana · 19/08/2023 07:32

I was able to stay at home, it's what we wanted and I was happy. So, I consider myself fortunate that there was no childcare. When I went back to work it was term time only.

JamSandle · 19/08/2023 08:00

Sorry if this sounds extreme but would you possibly be able to move country? There are more child friendly places. Appreciate it's not the easiest suggestion to implement!

3rdtimemumma · 19/08/2023 08:35

As someone has said, the new 30 hours childcare from 9 months in September 2025 is quite a huge help. The additional hours start coming in from next year. The drop in birth rate is causing huge concern now, its dropped 0.5% a year since 2011. Primary schools in my local area with outstanding ofsted reports are losing whole classes as not enough pupils. https://www.childcarechoices.gov.uk/upcoming-changes-to-childcare-support/

Childcare Choices from GOV.UK

https://www.childcarechoices.gov.uk/upcoming-changes-to-childcare-support

Original poster
VitaminNinja · 19/08/2023 09:21

3rdtimemumma · 19/08/2023 08:35

As someone has said, the new 30 hours childcare from 9 months in September 2025 is quite a huge help. The additional hours start coming in from next year. The drop in birth rate is causing huge concern now, its dropped 0.5% a year since 2011. Primary schools in my local area with outstanding ofsted reports are losing whole classes as not enough pupils. https://www.childcarechoices.gov.uk/upcoming-changes-to-childcare-support/

That would be a huge help but know there’s concerns about how and even if the government can properly fund it

OP posts:
Selfesteem23 · 19/08/2023 09:30

I really hope that people aren’t planning their future finances on the childcare plan from this government. Most people in the sector are very vocal it can’t happen. Not enough places,no staff, the funding doesn’t cover enough, nurseries are closing due to rising costs.

Original poster
VitaminNinja · 19/08/2023 09:31

Selfesteem23 · 19/08/2023 09:30

I really hope that people aren’t planning their future finances on the childcare plan from this government. Most people in the sector are very vocal it can’t happen. Not enough places,no staff, the funding doesn’t cover enough, nurseries are closing due to rising costs.

I know. It would be wonderful if it happened but I’m not making any plans on the basis of it

OP posts:
Original poster
VitaminNinja · 19/08/2023 09:32

JamSandle · 19/08/2023 08:00

Sorry if this sounds extreme but would you possibly be able to move country? There are more child friendly places. Appreciate it's not the easiest suggestion to implement!

Hmm in theory but we’d know nobody and I love being around family.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 19/08/2023 09:34

Selfesteem23 · 19/08/2023 09:30

I really hope that people aren’t planning their future finances on the childcare plan from this government. Most people in the sector are very vocal it can’t happen. Not enough places,no staff, the funding doesn’t cover enough, nurseries are closing due to rising costs.

I completely agree-it bemuses me when people talk about this as a done deal!