How much should each pay per month?

[klaus6]

If one partner earns £85k and the other £30k, what do you think is a fair amount for each to pay for joint expenses? - mortgage, bills etc, approx £2k pcm

The couple is married and has no children. Do you think it is fair if it's still 50:50?

Almost similar in my house. My oh who is the higher earner pays 75pc

No it’s not fair.

He gives me £1450 a month and I pay everything from that and a bit from my own maybe £500

Personally for me, 50/50 is the only way to do it.

Why should the lower earner pay the same as the higher one?

It’s less about the salary and more about the net pay after various contributions have been taken.
I think anything from 50/50 to 70/30 would be fair. If 50/50 the higher earned should then be paying a higher contribution to your joint savings, and pay for all your “fun stuff” activities and entertainment.

If married, all money into 1 pot. Bills paid from that, each person gets the same amount of 'fun money' and the rest is saved in various 'pots'.

I think most people in this situation look at their take home pay, look at the ratio of partners to yours and then split the bills accordingly. So if partner earns 70% of combined monthly income, they pay 70% of the bills, for example. It seems crazy that some people are suggesting 50/50. This is your partner, you live together and you should have about the same amount of money to spend every month after bills. Can't see how a relationship would work if one of you is skint while the other is loaded.

If that was the case I'd be packing in my high stress job for a stress free, low paid one and moving in with a high earner.

@VisionsOfSplendour
There are no kids involved, they've both had equal opportunities to pick a career and earn money.

So the question back to you is why should a higher earning adult feel any inclination to subsidies the lifestyle of a lower earning adult?

Ok, I didn't realize you knew the OP, I wasnt aware that she'd squandered her chance to be a high earner

You're right, what a sponger

How do you know they had equal opportunities? What if the higher earner went to private school and an oxbridge uni and the lower earner came from a sink school and left at 16?

I earn 1k less than my partner but pay 1 k more in childcare because I wanted kids and they didn't

I also feel guilty because I have had work struggles and had gaps in my employment causing partner lots of stress so I pay for nearly all meals out and drinks and as many things as I can because of guilt

I may need to rethink this based on responses here

@pimplebum you definitely do need to rethink this! Is he the father of the children?

Our salaries reflect capitalism not how hard we work, we split the percentage as per the ratio of our net pay. Occasionally the
higher earner pays for holidays etc but that's because he is a good egg, I wouldn't expect that but I do expect proportionate contributions to day to day living.

I don’t really know how to advise the OP but I do know that this arrangement is really not okay!

They didn’t want kids so they don’t have to pay for childcare?! That really doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship

That is shocking. Please rethink.

When we were married we just put everything in one account (paid into individual account and then once individual credit cards paid off in full the remainder into the joint account). We just agreed how much we were saving every month (exact same amount into isas and pensions despite income differences) and then our personal spending came out of joint account.

Luckily we have always has same ideas about what to buy/what’s reasonable to spend. And also as I’ve got older I’ve realised we avoided a lot of stress as we’ve had a high income. On a lower income we might have needed to be more prescriptive about discretionary spending.

IMO -
Boyfriend/girlfriend, no joint children and not legally committed to each other - each pay 50/50
Married, no joint children - each pay proportionately on net income
Married, children together and especially if the lower income is due to home responsibilities - everything in one pot, any surplus after living expenses split between joint savings, joint spends, and an equal amount of personal spends each.

@VisionsOfSplendour
It's a decently sarcastic snipe... notable that you didn't address the question.

@OhhhhhhhhBiscuits
Then the higher earner who didn't come from a sink estate could certainly choose to subsidise another adult.

But for the lower earner to expect things to be split proportional to income?? That's grabby and pure opportunistic behaviour.

Married - you are a family. You pool your resources together and share.

'All my worldly goods'

Has the joint cost gone up because of the spending power of the higher earner? Eg do you have a more expensive property, more holidays, eating outetc because he can and you are expected to keep up? If so then definitely the lower earner should pay less. With marriage I would assume more joint/equal finances than unmarried. I would also think you should have talked this through before buying with him if you weren't comfortable with the split. Have you been pushed into this?

Our marriage is a socialist state. From each according to their abilities, to each according to their needs.

Well said @DinnaeFashYersel - spot on