What happens between the wedding ceremony and the dinner? Suddenly gripped by the fear that my wedding will be boring and people won’t know what to do with themselves!

[ComtesseDeSpair]

I’m trying to think back to other weddings I’ve been to and drawing blanks. (Except for my friend who got her family’s racehorses out for us all to meet, but I don’t have any racehorses.) Does somebody give a speech? Am I meant to give a speech? Oh god. Do we go for a walk en masse around the venue grounds? We could, it’s a nice venue. Ceremony is at 13:30 and then dinner is at 17:00, as our coordinator suggested. There will be a bit of photography but we’re a fairly small group and so I can’t imagine it will go on for very long, we’ve arranged for cocktails and cakes during that bit, but how long are we supposed to drag it out for? I don’t recall ever being a bored guest at a wedding before but I also can’t remember what we all did! Any ideas so my guests don’t look bemused and ask what’s happening next?

Food, drink, somewhere to sit. That's it, assuming your guests aren't all raging introverts and most will chat and mingle with one another.

I bloody love weddings and am always enormously grateful for an invitation to one, but I really wouldn't thank you for a Punch and Judy show, or some close-up magician with a funny beard and glittery waistcoat asking me to pick a card when I'm trying to chat to somebody I haven't seen for ten years.

I don’t mind this gap. I stand in the sunshine, sip drinks and catch up with old friends.

Yes I completely agree this part can be enjoyable if thought goes in to it and its made to actually feel like part of the wedding day, rather than just waiting around for the meal.

Most weddings I've been to its been crap - lack of food and drink, nowhere to sit and wedding party going off for photos for hours. Contrast that with one brilliant wedding where the bar was open, there was masses of foods, loads of picnic bench seating, games for kids and seamless photography

Don't over think it. I went to a wedding recently and every five minutes a magician or entertainer in a sparkly vest would appear interrupting conversations to do things like pull coins out of people's noses. We were perfectly happy having a chat and a cocktail.

Thanks again everyone. Some excellent advice and will definitely be revisiting timings between the ceremony and dinner, and upping the after-ceremony snacks to something more substantial: I’m not a big eater at all, and nor are most of my friends, so had deliberately planned something light on that basis, but more than happy to go bigger if it means even a couple of people have a better time as a result! My friend who owns the estate has said there are lawn games stashed somewhere and also confirmed we can have a tour of the whisky distillery if we like, and we have a few whisky connoisseurs who would love that.

I’ll leave the thread now before it inevitably turns into snark about how shit weddings always are and boring chit chat with strangers and expensive drinks and hours spent taking photos, when I think I’ve been pretty clear that a) the reason I was worried about a gap is because I wasn’t planning to take long on the photos, b) there won’t be any strangers in the group having to chit chat, and c) we’ve gone to a lot of time and expense because all we really want is for our guests to have a great time for it not to cost them a penny all weekend. Thanks again for everyone who helped and I’m sure my guests will thank you too 😀

I suppose the problem OP is going to have is there isn't the same need for a big catch up, as the group already know each other really well and will be spending an entire weekend together.

Let’s say ceremony is done by 2:30, allowing for starting a little later as is usually the case and by the time the room is emptied of guests.

They’ll start getting seated 4:30.

That’s two hours for photos and mingling. We did canapés and Champagne with live music in an hour gap which was plenty of time (but I wanted natural photos and didn’t want to be away for ages having posed ones taken). That was nice to fill a hunger gap and get guests in the mood for partying and mingling with other guests they might not know but be on a table with. I wouldn’t do cake before a meal at my wedding personally but each to their own. I’d certainly eat cake before my meal but I’ve got a sweet tooth! I’d try to arrange some savoury nibbles if it’s not too late and plan for music to be played, like a playlist you’ve put together.

In a two hour gap, I’d consider lawn games or if in an interesting venue, maybe some sort of quiz about you as a couple/treasure hunt around it if you’re feeling creative. Some get guests to sign a guest book in this time/hire a photo booth if budget allows for it… Personally, if I’m fed, watered and listening to good music, I’m happy so I was guided with that when planning our wedding. We just made sure those three things were well planned: food, drink and music.

@ComtesseDeSpair I think that gap is fine, it will actually go much quicker than you think! Not sure if eating cake before dinner is a good idea, could you rethink that such as adding extra canapés as it'll give your guests an appetite for the big dinner! Sugary food often quenches an appetite for proper food...

You provide canapés, drinks (or a drinks token if you can't afford unlimited), some nice mingling music like a string quartet type thing (you can download some if you can't afford the real deal!). My friend played the string quartet version of modern tunes for mingly music, it worked well. You could also have lawn games, we did this, we had croquet, giant jenga etc. Whatever you do don't leave your guests hungry, thirsty or cold. People can manage to chat and mingle, I quite like this time during a wedding, you can actually chat to people you haven't seen in ages or meet new people before everyone is too drunk and it's too loud to chat.

It's too long a gap. You need drinks and food for people. A wedding around lunchtime means most people will only have had breakfast. Every shit wedding I've been to, and there has been many, has been because the B&G have got their timings out and not laid on sufficient food to cover people until the wedding meal. No amount of giant jenga, skittles or mini-croquet is going to cover that. Or those bloody pick and mix bars that seem all the rage or those excreable photo booths. Or a poxy ice-cream van when I've not eaten since half eight. People will remember that they were hungry, not entertained.

I went to one wedding recently with a three hour gap between the service and the meal, and people were getting really ratty and bored. Not least as all that was available after the service was a Buck's Fizz (not enough glasses for the number of guests) and some cookies (for the children, and not enough for the number of children.) No food for the adults.

Oh yes and chairs, make sure there's plenty of chairs 😆 think basic human survival... food, drink, warmth and a chair, I'd be quite happy if these basic needs are fulfilled.

This. I don’t know where people are getting their timings from. It doesn’t take 2 hours to sit down, have the service and then leave the church. And I wouldn’t be impressed with a 2-3 hour wait just stood outside either, I don’t think it goes quick at all. The suggestions reminds me of my sisters wedding where people were getting served alcohol during the wait. Luckily I’d booked accommodation between the church and the venue so I went back for a couple of hours after the service. People can’t seem to pace their drinking at weddings, plus day drinking tends to hit people harder than usual. When we were at the dinner the best man was out vomiting in the car park during the main course, they couldn’t do the speech, and there were tears, tantrums and people falling over drunk by 7pm.

There was next to no time between ours... honestly it felt so rushed and like herding chickens.

We didn't even have photos or anything in between, just the 10 minute drive between venues and as soon as we got their kitchen staff where corralling people into seats and rushing me to find missing guests.

That sounds horrid.

One hour max mingling between ceremony and first course; beyond that it's terribly inconsiderate of guests.

Why can't bride/groom get their photos done while others eat the meal, if it's that important?

yes, this!

one needs a comfy chair and i'd be happy with crisps and a cup of tea for the time. not everyone wants to chat madly for many hours - after the first hour of catching up with old mates/family, you run out of stuff to say - and you still have dinner to go.
some entertainment, even if its just sticking on music, so people can sit and listen quietly sounds better.

its the hours of STANDING in uncomfortable shoes (even if i never wear heels, i am still not weaing nice comfy trainers to a wedding), with handbag and clutching a drink and maybe a plate. plus unsure whether to remove or keep cardigan or jacket on. let people sit down - not just the one's over 80!

I think buy a racehorse!

We had similar. We did tea and cake with champagne and speeches then, not at dinner. Then photos, with the weekend papers, deck chairs and games for kids. It was lovely, people just relaxed and had fun.

A lone voice, but I LOVE the bit between ceremony and dinner! Brilliant chance to catch up with friends and family, drink some fizz and start the party!

Magician
Nibbles
Movie screening
Board games

Tbh I would be starving by 17:00, even though I would have had an early lunch.

My friend hired a ‘Casino’ a company came and set up casino style fairs (played with fake money due to gaming regulations). It was a lot of fun. As long as you provide food, drink and somewhere to sit it’s all good. I remember one wedding where were all out into a tiny room to wait for the bride and groom, no food, no drinks, no chairs (when you have heels on that isn’t fun). 3 hours later the happy couple came to the venue-awful!

We had the ceremony at 1:30 and dinner at 5:30 to give some of the guests , including my dad and sister time to go and get our horses in and fed , it didn’t seem that long once we had done photos etc .

Our short version of the timings was:

12.00 ceremony
15.30 wedding breakfast

So the timing is the same as yours, just brought forward a bit.

The reality was that the ceremony finished around 12.30. There was drinks and canapes afterwards and lots of chit chatting and catching up.

The photographers rounded everyone up for group photos, including a confetti shot. Because there's always some guests that disappear just at the wrong time, and the general chaos of trying to get a massive group of people to do what you want, when you want, this took a good hour.

Guests were then left to grab a drink and chat amongst themselves while we went off for separate photos.

They were then invited to start taking their seats around 14.30. We were introduced in at around 14.50 and did the speeches first at 15.00 in time for the food to be served at 15.30.

It worked out fine for us and I saw no evidence of people being bored.

Everyone expects there to be a bit of a gap between the two, especially if, like us, you're in a venue where the ceremony room is the reception room, and the staff have to run around like headless chickens to set it up to your vision.

One thing we liked was that our wedding coordinator invited us to come and look at the room when it was empty so we could see it set up. It was lovely to see it like that as otherwise the next time I saw it, it was full of people and one table in particular had already spilled a glass of wine of the menu card!

We had plenty of seats outside (summer wedding) with lots of fizz and canapés, then a singer to entertain guests, an ice cream van and lawn games.

Guests were more than happy to sit and chat over a 99 and nibbles while we got some photos done. Wedding was at 1.30pm and dinner was called at 4.30pm. Depends on the time of year but I think if people have somewhere decent to sit and access to drinks and food they will be fine.

How often do people see each other - we had Canapés. One or two very elderly had a short nap in their room. Most people just wanted to chat. Never felt this bit go slowly when attending weddings.

We had toys and colouring books and wipeable pens for the kids in an area to the side of the main room but still in it with bowls of crisps and sweets that were also meant to be for kids but actually everyone ate them.

Also remember that you have to talk to every guest and some guests will head off straight after dinner so if you want to eat having mingling time is good so you and your now DH can work round the room, starting with those early leavers.

I always find dinner the worst bit as you don’t choose who to sit next to and people like to “mix” groups. As if I’m going to make friends - I barely see the ones I have. 3 courses of my partner asking someone absolutely everything about his job in paper manufacturing will stick in my head for ever. (The guy loved it and to be fair, we’d done pleasantries & pop culture and found no common ground so job it was. The venue was too noisy to talk to anyone other than 2 people to the left/right.)