Ridiculous/annoying phrases that wind you up/make no sense

[MakeMineAdoubleChocolate]

I will start.

-Hate cigarettes being called fags.

-The London term, bare, referring to lots, but in reality means nothing, like bare minimum. So when they say there were BARE people at the museum, do they mean none or naked!

-Allow it fam! Another London term, where people will say that when they want something to stop. But 'allow it' surely means let it continue, haha.

-Beggars belief/isn't it meant to be it begs belief?.... someone correct me if I am wrong? ....

-boils my p#*s. Makes me feel sick thinking of a pot of urine on the stove being boiled.

-chest of draws/ chester draws. Its bloody drawers!

-the classic 'i brought it from the shop'

-my mother used to shout out Pure Filth in her Irish accent, if the house wasn't tidy. It wasn't even that bad, but she hated mess and if there was an empty glass on the table and a magazine left on the floor or a crisp wrapper, she would call the house a mess and that we (US SIBLINGS) were happy to live in PURE FILTH. Bearing in mind, the two don't exactly go together. 'LOOK AT THIS PURE FILTH! GOD FORGIVE YE!'

-Men referring to each other as Bruv. I don't mind bro, mind you.

'Caught pregnant'

Someone has already said "fell pregnant" which I can't bear. "Bite to eat" - ugh! So twee! "All things being equal" - all things are not equal 😬

It doesn't mean it's right. It sounds grabby and unpleasant.

Where I am 'can I get? or 'could I get' sound absolutely fine.
'Get' is being used in the sense of 'receive'. (This sense of the verb is very widely used, it's not at all unusual. Think about it.) No vaulting over counters to prepare your own coffee is necessary or even implied by this meaning of 'get'.

People do also say have, 'can/could I have?'.
'May' is extremely rarely used where I live. As a pp said, depending on the place it can sound pretentious.

It all depends very much where you live. What's fine one place is unusual somewhere else. Doesn't mean either version is wrong (or grabby or unpleasant or actually pretentious.)
Just slightly different.

I think this one had origins back when cats were feral and not given names. A female/mother cat is a 'she'. My grandmother used it a lot when I called my sister/aunt/mother 'she' in a way that was considered insulting therefore "Who's she? The cat's mother?"!!!

It doesn't mean it's right. It sounds grabby and unpleasant.

Well it sounds perfectly fine to everybody I know. If we said "May I have....." in a shop, people would rolltheir eyes and wonder who this pretentious person was 😆

I always use ‘please may I have’.

I probably started using it to be pretentious in my 20’s (isn’t everyone a bit pretentious in their 20’s?) but then it stuck and now 25 years later, I actually much prefer it.

I personally think it’s much nicer that ‘can I’ and over the years it has occasionally been pointed out by others how much more polite it sounds.

I quite like “can I get” sounds American.

It’s the twee sayings I hate. “Bite to eat” “have a cuppa”. My in laws who annoy me say things like this so my view is not subjective!

I don't say 'may I have...' much, but more often 'a pot of tea please ...'

I hate “piping hot”. Whenever anyone says it, they make their eyes bulge.

@NumberFortyNorhamGardens

Well, I didn't know that!

Thank you for giving me a lovely high falutin description of my point.
I can casually drop that into conversation, the next time it comes up.

These threads are always filled with people insisting that they say "May I have a custard tart please" in the manner of Lady Grantham.

I strongly suspect, frankly, they don't, but think it would make them sound better if they did.

It's a use of the verb "may" very much falling into disuse and verging on being classed as archaic by dictionary writers, though interestingly, "may" to express hypothesis and possibility is still holding its own. Perhaps because there's less of a "formal" nuance to it.

I spent good money on that. What’s bad money?

My son is six going on seven. He’s unlikely to be six going on five.

Longest/shortest day of the year.

FFS every day is a 24 hour period, it is the most or least hours of bloody daylight.

This really boils my piss. 😂

That's an odd one. Never heard of "day and night"?

It when the 21st June and December come around, it's always described as the longest day of the year(or shortest)

Would you have a problem with "shortest/longest night of the year"?

Welcomed a baby - you had a baby, whether you welcome that or not is another matter

Journey, applied to any experience - weight loss journey, cancer journey - it adds nothing and brings up images of car crashes

Both of these have become endemic in the last year or two. There’s a lot of flowery corporatising of language about at the moment, which obscures meaning - also saying ‘myself’ to try and sound posh when ‘me’ is correct

I have to say that ‘please may I have’ sounds very childlike and nervous.

‘May I have..’ or ‘an Americano please’ is quite enough politeness for one small request.

I was served a glass of water the other day and told to 'enjoy' with a flourish by the waitress! Water from the tap, not even fizzy or flavoured. I had to mutter under my breath, it's just water for fuck sake.

Also when I paid the bill, I was told to have a nice day. I was on my way to a funeral so the good wishes did rather jar on my ears.

I had breast cancer a couple of years ago

Cancer journey drove me nuts

Pop

Colour to make an outfit pop

Grrrr

Euphemisms for death. What's wrong with "died"?

No-one can die anymore. They have to "sadly die" or "tragically die", even if the context is simply reporting statistics rather than talking about a deceased person you actually knew. It's ridiculous.

"Passed away" used to be an acceptable way of describing a death. Now people say "passed" and that sounds ridiculous. Did the pass by you on the street? I don't know if this is an Americanism but it sounds silly to me.

I cringe inwardly whenever someone says "irregardless".