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Original poster

HolidayArse

110 replies

HolidayArse · 10/08/2023 21:35

Firstly- I've been on MN for 100 years or so, I'm not the poo troll (but then I would say that...)

I'm looking for advice from like-boweled people please? I'm off on hols next week, and wondering what I can do/prep/take to mitigate Holiday Arse?

For those that don't know what I'm talking about, its the stupid, annoying phenomena that means my perfectly functional butt takes one look down an unfamiliar pan and goes 'NOPE'.

To emphasise. it's not a choice- I DGAF about being alluring for my husband, any mystique within our marriage fecked off a long time ago! I eat well, lots of water, fruit, and veg, but the whole digestive shebang just slows down and I spend a lot of precious holiday time feeling bloated, sluggish and crap Sad

Anyone sympathise, and have any ideas that can help? I fly in a few days, so could start something now if it would make a difference?

Thank you!

OP posts:
almondflake · 10/08/2023 21:40

Drink plenty of coconut based cocktails if available , me and a friend spent most of our holiday on the loo as we'd guzzled so many big mommas and wows on holiday . Coconut milk is a laxative so we got wasted and lost weight lol 😂

cocksstrideintheevening · 10/08/2023 21:42

My holiday arse goes the other way I'm afraid so no advice but mil always travels with fig / prune juice, and generally informs us of her bowel status 20 times a day

Original poster
HolidayArse · 10/08/2023 21:42

almondflake · 10/08/2023 21:40

Drink plenty of coconut based cocktails if available , me and a friend spent most of our holiday on the loo as we'd guzzled so many big mommas and wows on holiday . Coconut milk is a laxative so we got wasted and lost weight lol 😂

The kind of advice I'm here for, thank you Grin

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General health
OwlBeGone · 10/08/2023 21:43

Tbh I would just order some laxido now to take with you! I have sluggish guts at the best of times and it's the only thing that works!

Neolara · 10/08/2023 21:43

Take a box of all bran with you?

Cynderella · 10/08/2023 21:44

Chai/flax seeds (linseed). Either or both - a dessertspoonful sprinkled on some yogurt in the morning for me. Few walnuts, chopped banana and a drizzle of honey - I managed to get all of that in the last hotel I visited. Self catering, I take a bag of seeds with me, and buy the rest.

VWT5 · 10/08/2023 21:45

Pears and beetroot, plus a pint of water each day on waking.
And avoid the Gatwick/Stansted/whatever airport /sandwiches in the Boots meal deal
is what I have to do 😊

Original poster
HolidayArse · 10/08/2023 21:45

cocksstrideintheevening · 10/08/2023 21:42

My holiday arse goes the other way I'm afraid so no advice but mil always travels with fig / prune juice, and generally informs us of her bowel status 20 times a day

ALSO the kind of advice I'm here for, thank you!

I will try anything, and tbh if it works, I'll probably be updating my Facebook status daily, such is the misery I've felt on previous trips.

OP posts:
Soonenough · 10/08/2023 21:46

Me too. And within maybe two hours of getting home , normal service resumes. I take Senokot tablets with me , take two in the morning. It helps a bit but still not the same.

HamSandwichKiller · 10/08/2023 21:47

Oh pick me! My holiday arse is exactly the same. I think it's the change in temperature that frightens my bowels. I take senna tablets with me and make sure I drink loads and eat plenty of fruit, veg. Usually have to resort to the senna on day 3.

GoBackToPartyCity · 10/08/2023 21:48

I’m the same…as soon as I stray into international waters my bowels cease operation. I recommend an espresso and a freshly squeezed orange juice every morning!

Jewelanemone · 10/08/2023 21:49

Relax and embrace the lack of poo. Drink lots of fruity cocktails and let the natural acids do their work.

I like a bit of holiday bunged-up-ness. Makes a diverting change for me and my generally over-helpful digestive system.

Sassy306 · 10/08/2023 21:49

Fybogel sachets are your friend 😊

ReeseWitherfork · 10/08/2023 21:50

I think my holiday arse comes from flying, so I make sure to drink a lot of coffee on arrival so that I can have a good aeroplane-related clear out. I’m usually ok for the rest of the holiday after that.

Original poster
HolidayArse · 10/08/2023 21:51

Thank you all. I eat seeds, and prunes, and all kinds of fruit daily, plus lots of water. I do obsess a tad about gut health anyway, but no matter how good my digestion is normally, put me on holiday for more than an overnight, and everything just shuts down.

It usually means that a day or two before the trip is over, I manage to 'go' (just enough to not explode!) but feel rubbish beforehand, then within an hour or so of getting home, I'm on my own throne and the gut is saying 'what took you so long??'

OP posts:
KitchenSinkLlama · 10/08/2023 21:53

Fresh cherries. I love them but oh my god, I can't eat them anymore.

ladeluge · 10/08/2023 21:53

Cynderella · 10/08/2023 21:44

Chai/flax seeds (linseed). Either or both - a dessertspoonful sprinkled on some yogurt in the morning for me. Few walnuts, chopped banana and a drizzle of honey - I managed to get all of that in the last hotel I visited. Self catering, I take a bag of seeds with me, and buy the rest.

This is what you need OP, and I too swear by it. Easy to pack (not liquid) - a ziploc bag of mixed milled linseeds and chia seeds will be your best friend. I omit bananas though when away from home, they tend to bung me up.

Jericha · 10/08/2023 21:55

They're really hard to get hold of but I swear by peptobismol tablets. Keeps holiday arse at bay for me, finally. My holiday bum troubles are the other way on that I play Russian roulette on which meal it'll be that kick starts it. Every holiday I have had since taking those bad boys I have not suffered with it.

TheChosenTwo · 10/08/2023 21:55

My bowels veer wildly from one extreme to another when I’m at home, it’s all very unpredictable however when I’m on holiday everything shuts down and I can’t go at all for the first week! I blame it on the weather and the change in water but I’ll be reading this carefully for advice.

RoganJosh · 10/08/2023 21:58

Magnesium supplements are enough just the swing the balance for me. You can take them with other things mentioned above.

https://amzn.to/3YrTswZ

Original poster
HolidayArse · 10/08/2023 21:59

I'm making a note of everything suggested, thank you all.

I just really want this holiday to be the one where I'm not constantly distracted after day bloody three about whether I can poo or not!

OP posts:
Noizettely · 10/08/2023 22:03

Get up very early each morning and go for a jog away from the hotel, out of the town into the countryside. Take a small backpack and pick up any road kill you can see.

Take it back with you and in the privacy of your room gnaw into it each morning instead of going to breakfast. Birds innards, crushed rabbits heads and a deer carcass with some rigour mortise already set in will create the right environment in your bowels to empty them fully.

weirdoboelady · 10/08/2023 22:04

My DH says it helps him, when he is constipated, to sit on the loo thinking about peristalsis. Then he takes his hands and pretends they are around a tube and he is gradually squeezing stuff through the tube and out of the end (without actually touching anything, you understand!)

Surprisingly effective, apparently. I think the cocktails sound more fun, personally, but feel free to try both....

frozendaisy · 10/08/2023 22:06

Noizettely · 10/08/2023 22:03

Get up very early each morning and go for a jog away from the hotel, out of the town into the countryside. Take a small backpack and pick up any road kill you can see.

Take it back with you and in the privacy of your room gnaw into it each morning instead of going to breakfast. Birds innards, crushed rabbits heads and a deer carcass with some rigour mortise already set in will create the right environment in your bowels to empty them fully.

I'm in the coconut cocktails camp please 😀

Original poster
HolidayArse · 10/08/2023 22:07

Tbh if I thought it would shift it, I actually would gnaw roadkill whilst sitting on the loo pretending to squeeze out a tube.
In fact, I'm pretty sure that was me, Menorca 2006.

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