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Original poster

Has anyone else got a really dysfunctional family?

51 replies

Tulips987 · 10/08/2023 18:19

My mum has EUPD and we had to fend for ourselves a lot as kids. Home life was chaotic and my mum would frequently have emotional outbursts. We were screamed at A LOT. My dad is an alcoholic criminal. My mum is NC with her parents due to emotional and physical abuse.
Make me feel like I'm not the only one?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tulips987 · 10/08/2023 19:08

Anyone?

OP posts:
clarrylove · 10/08/2023 19:13

Yes, me.
They are all barking. I like to think I'm a foundling. 😬

Original poster
Tulips987 · 10/08/2023 19:15

It's so difficult.

OP posts:
BCBird · 10/08/2023 19:16

Err yep. There are loads of us around.

Theimpossiblegirl · 10/08/2023 19:17

Yes.
I'm like the rebel of the family for being relatively normal. Or 'straight' as they insultingly put it. Nothing to do with sexuality, I'm just not a massive weed head.

Original poster
Tulips987 · 10/08/2023 19:20

BCBird · 10/08/2023 19:16

Err yep. There are loads of us around.

I'm sorry you do too but I'm glad I'm not alone. I feel very alone because my family are all so unstable and unreliable.

OP posts:
MontyCCU · 10/08/2023 19:22

Yup me too. They are very damaged but I think they've damaged me too. 💐.

Onwards and upwards. Everyone has something...

MontyCCU · 10/08/2023 19:23

I didn't mean that disparagingly OP.

MontyCCU · 10/08/2023 19:28

I think people like us have to build family elsewhere as our own won't be capable of acting in that supportive role.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 10/08/2023 19:33

I think there is dysfunction in every family - just obviously some are worse than others. My dad was a drinker, didn’t hold down a job for years but still found t cash for fags and beer. My mum protected me from a lot of it but she died when I was 12. He considered me abnormal because I worked hard at school and did A levels and Uni.

My oldest sister was a pathological liar, borrowed thousands of pounds from me - obviously never saw it again. Both were experts at manipulation.

I grew up poor and that was enough for me to realise my family wasn’t the same as everyone else’s.

EducatingArti · 10/08/2023 19:40

Mine was a very " hidden behind middle class closed doors" type of dysfunction. Everything seemed great to an outsider.
Still attending therapy to try and sort it out.

riffraffroff · 10/08/2023 19:41

Yep. Hard relate. I'm really trying to not repeat with the aid of therapy and medication when needed, but I can already see patterns emerging.

maria2bela1 · 10/08/2023 19:42

Yes lots of us around. My siblings and I witnessed a lot of domestic violence as children, we're all grown up now...but because my parents are still together to this day, and there's still a lot of open wounds, we try to do the normal family things but there's always a lot of fighting etc. All my parents do form morning - night is argue still. I have a family of my own now so I control how much I see them etc, but yes, plenty of dysfunctional families around, you're not alone!

AdoraBell · 10/08/2023 19:47

Yes. Violent father, mother emotionally bully. 6 siblings and I’m not in contact with any of them. Had therapy in early 40’s, best thing I did.

user1471453601 · 10/08/2023 19:52

My family was largely very normal. Aunts either nurses or/and local councillors. Cousins in the forces, my immediate family are all nice people.

But one aunt is a nightmare. I haven't had anything to do with her for years. She was implicated in her husband's death. Three out of four of her children are great members of society. One, since deceased, was the mirror of his Mum, up to and including, being implicated in the death of his father.

go figure. We have umpteen upstanding members of society and two not.

Ohgodyestheyare · 10/08/2023 19:55

Take your pick from
Drug addicts and dealers
Armed robber
Car thieves
Wife beaters
Animal abusers
Liars
Fraudsters
Many people with poor mh
I could go on and yet here I am with my education and solidly middle class job. Apart from DP and a few close friends no one knows where I come from, how I was dragged up and who my family are. You can reinvent yourself but at the same time I have no shame about my background. I don't tell people because in the past I've found people tend to think I'm inventing things or seriously exaggerating.

coffeeisthebest · 10/08/2023 19:58

EducatingArti · 10/08/2023 19:40

Mine was a very " hidden behind middle class closed doors" type of dysfunction. Everything seemed great to an outsider.
Still attending therapy to try and sort it out.

Yes I had this too. I frequently flip between not really believing what was going on inside the house versus the mask we all wore outside. Bizarre. I wish I had understood more about myself before I had my children, and had been to therapy/taken medication before I was a parent rather than having a mental health crisis when mine were little and needing to really understand why I was so utterly miserable. I am a better parent now. I shout less and I am more reflective on my impact on my own children. They deserve better than a façade.

Herewegoagain2023 · 10/08/2023 20:01

waves embarrassedly

pollykitty · 10/08/2023 20:03

raises hand

xPeaceXx · 10/08/2023 20:03

Yes, my family revolves around .my mothers denial and defensiveness.
She has given me the silent treatment for over 3 years but the family narrative is that she is the victim of me. It has been frustrating and so hurtful to come to terms with the fact that I'm not real to her. I'm the part she wrote and the rest of the family enable her to label me, shame me, blame me, exclude me, smear me, but most of all, be the victim of me

Octosaurus · 10/08/2023 20:13

Not alone me too

Superfoodie123 · 10/08/2023 20:17

On the surface my family looks sort of normal. Underneath its as toxic as hell and we've been conditioned to play ball or else and we still do it to our detriment and after us kids have had therapy and know full well its toxic

blackheartsgirl · 10/08/2023 20:18

Mine was also hidden behind closed doors, swept under the carpet, lower m/c dysfunction.

i was the result of an affair, my parents got together but my mum was borderline alcoholic and had mental health problems, by the time I was five my two elder siblings were in care as my mum couldn’t cope

we lived in a naice house, my parents held dinner parties and we had holidays abroad etc, but life at home was awful at times, my mum was mentally and sometimes physically abusive and I struggled badly.

but now I’m older I’ve learnt that my mums childhood was horrific and she went through hell herself. Not an excuse but a reason maybe, I’m close to her now but it wasn’t always the case

IFeelSoSoSad · 10/08/2023 20:36

Both parents undiagnosed ASD, all of us children undiagnosed ASD apart from one who was cruel and abusive.

To be completely honest it damaged me a lot, and I regret bringing children into this dysfunction. They are damaged too, and I would live my life very differently if I could change the past.

2023issucky · 10/08/2023 20:50

Massive extended family, most of them with drug/drink/or emotional issues. Few kids taken away by LA and many I would cross the street to avoid.
I speak to my parents, siblings and 2 cousins. Everyone else is NC.