Jo Frost (Super Nanny)

[Ifyouwantmeillbeinthebar]

I’ve become addicted to watching reruns of Super Nanny UK with Jo Frost.

God, she did hand out some awful advice didn’t she?! However it’s interesting how parenting and discipline has evolved over the last 20 years.

There are so many episodes where behavioural issues and additional needs were just put down to bad behaviour, it was quite sad really.

I’ve just watched one where mum and dad had 3 girls, Megan, Erin and Gabriella and it was quite shocking, the eldest (9) had so much anger and was biting and hitting everyone including Jo. I felt so sad for her, she seemed so sad, angry and frustrated.

I was so invested that I googled the girls and where there were now. Interestingly the eldest said that none of it was scripted and the production team were really nice but the whole programme was filmed over 8 weeks and there was lot of changes to their routine to fit in with filming, meals and bedtime different to what they were used to, they couldn’t wear what they would normally wear as no brands were to be shown and not friends or family could visit because they weren’t allowed to be involved in filming and she said it really aggravated her and her sisters behaviour. She also said there was really any change after Jo left and they just behaved better as they matured like most kids.

I found it all really interesting.

Has anyone else got any episodes, UK, version that stand out and what was your opinion on the discipline and methods Super Nanny used.

You've used the thread where a mum with austim who is finding the holidays hard looking after a diagnosed child as an example of this, do you think that's fine then?

Why can't we just have a thread with a bit of a lol at super nanny which I clicked for without people using it to be bloody dicks.

Sure this place gets worse by the day.

I agree. Some children are just unpleasant, some parents are just ineffectual. It's not always additional needs.

We call it a thinking step. We sit together and use restorative practice questions to work through any issues. Seems to work for us. It removes them from a space, gets them moving and teaches them that we'll always talk it through and never leave them to get upset.

I’m going out on a limb here and say pretty much any parenting trend is flawed to some extent. No one will ever get it right. No parent is perfect and all will eventually loose their shit at some point and parent in a far less than acceptable way

when I was growing up I was slapped (hand) , and now I’m 60 I do struggle to see any evidence that it did my generation much significant harm - were the generation too where teachers would throw board rubbers or walk backs of hands with rulers if people were talking. Ok, through the prism of today that’s appalling, but as kids this was norm and I don’t think many of us gave much thought about it. I had kids in 90s, sleep training, toddler Taming and naughty steps all the latest. No smacking then of course. I’m sure my kids had equal amount of success and psychological damage from that disciple as I did form my parent parenting.

now we have new trends. And I’m sure your own children will throw their ah ds up in horror in another 30 years of how bad your parenting was. And how deep the psychological damage is.

we are too ready to blame, or accept blame, for the way our kids turn out based on our parenting styles and , in a lot of cases, mothers particularly either beating themselves up for every bad parenting they do, or other people passing judgement on a kid acting out. In reality, how kids turn out is based on way way more than that and as parents the best we can do is “shepherd” our children to make the most of their potential and accept we will all screw up form time to time, or even a lot and stop being so judgy

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=video&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwjtzdLHodKAAxWbXEEAHUnfCfgQtwJ6BAgSEAI&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D5GeaSq7lOHI&usg=AOvVaw0m13e-s-SsSQFSlmpiFfjB&opi=89978449

Sorry wrong link 🙄🤷🏼‍♀️
this one

Shepard not engineer

I never liked the programme. However my understanding has clearly changed I used to think "Why go to all that faff with the naughty spot, just give the child a smack and move on, Jesus!" (This was before I had children!)

Now I just think it's very outdated being so focused on punishment - modern parenting experts tend to go for positive behaviourism instead. I'm not talking about gentle parenting, more ignore the bad, look for the good and praise it, and build in small steps towards the behaviour that you want). Some of those parenting programs do include time out but this is only because most parents really struggle with ignoring unwanted behaviour, so it's an easy gives you something to do if you're in that situation. They also have a rule that you only punish without knowing the positive opposite behaviour you're trying to encourage, something else which was totally missing from Supernanny.

I do seem to remember that she spent some time in each episode encouraging some positive interactions between the parents and children too, but the overwhelming memory that I have of the programme is the naughty spot punishment, and that seems very wrong as an overriding aspect of a discipline strategy!

Is this in response to me? In which case, I don't know what you're talking about... Who's an autistic mum? Who's the diagnosed child? The OP never mentioned either of those things, so not sure who you're referring to.

🙌You said it much more succinctly!

We used a version of the tactic and it worked very well for us. It all depends on the child and the delivery.

We never called it the "naughty step" and corrected others who because of the program did, but with stairs in our living room it was a good place for ds to sit while he was upset and couldn't be reasoned with, couldn't listen and was calming down. It was always sold to him as taking time out to calm down then we could talk. Having the same place gave him consistency and formed the habit that it was actively for calming down. In the beginning he did resist, but not significantly, then he would sometimes looked relieved when he got there as he knew the upset would be over soon, then sometimes he would take himself there by himself and eventually he used the skills he learned to calm down without having to go to that one place.

In grans house if things were getting too much with adults in his face trying to cajole him leaving the room worked for him and he would head for the relief of the stairs for a couple of mins breather.

The problem with the "naughty step" in Supernanny was the turning of it into sensational entertainment rather than a viable and otherwise useful tool.

Are you thinking of this one?

It's before Supernanny's time, desperately sad particularly because it seemed likely that the whole family were ND and not really getting the support they needed.

Naughty step used to work for us as a calm space. My DCs are relatively easy going though, if it didn’t seem to help then we wouldn’t have done it.

I agree with @LisaVanderpump1 There is a culture of 'give it a name' for any behaviour that isn't within a tight boundary. And a lot of parents do love to claim things are nd even if undiagnosed. Diagnosis doesn't even always help if it's used as an excuse rather than a way to approach a solution.
In the Jon Ronson Psychopath book, at the end, there's a passage about what it takes to get a definition and name for a set of behaviours to be labelled as a condition. Makes you realise it's very flawed.

The last episode I ever watched had three little boys whose mum had died, and the dad was struggling.

These kids were so recently bereaved and absolutely all over the place, and just got the standard 'put them back in bed in silence and walk away' bullshit and it was the unkindest thing I ever saw.

It made me feel quite sick tbh.

No not controversial in the least. Banal and completely ubiquitous? Yes. You aren’t unusual, loads of people think like you do, probably the majority in the U.K. unfortunately, and are also wrong.

I and my children used to love it! I didn’t think it was that bad-nor do I think general upbringing of children in the sixties was that bad. I did t like smacking but have smacked and felt like shite. But I find the lecturing of modern parenting a bit much-the perfectionism, the agonising over quite trivial issues, how there is only one right way and we must obey. Someone mentioned kids growing up with poor mental health-my opinion is that endlessly chasing perfection and endless guilt if it’s not achieved will create more MH issues than the naughty step. Naughty Step might seem horrific now but judged against the way children have been slapped and punished for millennia, it was positively progressive!

Agreed 100 percent.
Some parents can’t parent and some kids are a pain because of lack of boundaries.
Discipline ( not hitting, but rules and boundaries) is a dirty word these days.

So many parents self-diagnose though

I'm not sure it is just the passage of 20 years or so that makes the strategies in the Supernanny programme look flawed. Anyone who watched it at the time would have to have been a bit naive to think that its one-trick formulaic approach was really as effective as it was made out to be. These sorts of programme always oversimplify, always rely on heavy editing, etc. Real parents in real life didn't regard Supernanny's naughty step as a kind of cheat code that would solve all parenting problems. It was just a daft piece of entertainment.

@WhiskersPete I also agree with you. With all that you've said.

Do they though? My child's teacher told me needing to suggest a child had a neurodiversities made her anxious because so many parents get angry about even the suggestion of it.

Funny how I've never met any of these parents yet schools are hoaching with them when people want to use them as an excuse isn't it.

But anyway to stick to the subject the cases in there were always extreme weren't they, otherwise it wouldn't have made such exciting telly.

I liked her. I found her far better than that 3 Day Nanny. I often felt uncomfortable watching her show.

Yes I think so. It was a really bad situation for a poor child who needed to be loved and understood, not rejected