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Original poster

Boys only spaces - understanding the resentment

74 replies

Summerhasfinallyarrived · 09/08/2023 09:00

I’m hoping for the thoughts of others on this.

My son is six and belongs to a boys only group. It has been brilliant for him and (without wanting to be dramatic) has had a hugely positive impact on his life. I’m a single parent and he has very limited male role models. He doesn’t really fit in with the other boys at school but this group has welcomed him and the older boys really look out for the younger ones, he really is flourishing. There are many other similar groups for both boys and girls to attend locally but I have been astonished by the resentment expressed by other mums.

For context, he found it very difficult in reception when his friends went to rainbows and he couldn’t, I explained why and told him he could go to Beavers in Year one. Unfortunately by the time he was old enough all the spaces were gone (he is young in the year). Most of his friends went who also attended rainbows so it felt like he was doubly excluded. I was so pleased to find this one thing for him where he can really be himself and can’t for the life of me understand the comments/resentment. The group is doing really well and there are calls for it to be opened up to girls or a similar group set up for girls only. So far the organisers have resisted but I think it will only be a matter of time.

Finally do others know of similar groups I could look for for him in case this one does change?

OP posts:
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 09/08/2023 09:16

Hard to say without knowing what group he's in? The only group I know of is boys brigade.

TeenDivided · 09/08/2023 09:20

Why are the other mums resentful?

If there are mixed groups available, then presumably if there were sufficient demand someone could open up a girls only session too?

Scouting had to go mixed as there was no longer sufficient demand from boys to keep units open on that basis.

WeWereInParis · 09/08/2023 10:16

The group is doing really well and there are calls for it to be opened up to girls or a similar group set up for girls only. So far the organisers have resisted but I think it will only be a matter of time.

Apologies if I've misunderstood, but it seems a little churlish to be against a similar girls only group. What would be wrong with that - your son's group would stay the same wouldn't it?

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6 year olds Primary education
Glenthebattleostrich · 09/08/2023 10:19

As long as both sexes have access to single and mixed sex activities equally what is their problem?

If the mothers want a similar group for girls they can set one up.

Saschka · 09/08/2023 10:24

I think involvement in both separate and mixed sex groups are really important for children.

I’m not sure why you’d object to a parallel girls’ group though? Surely the solves the problem of resentful parents of girls, but lets your son’s group stay boys-only?

Ozgirl75 · 09/08/2023 10:57

I think single sex groups for kids are valuable. I used to take a Guide group and the girls were so different without boys around (I had girls up to 14 or so). I know this as we went on a scavenger hunt once and they bumped into boys and the change was immediate and sad/hilarious.

Ozgirl75 · 09/08/2023 10:58

So what I mean is that I think single sex spaces can be great for boys and girls and mixed is also great.

Phos · 09/08/2023 11:00

WeWereInParis · 09/08/2023 10:16

The group is doing really well and there are calls for it to be opened up to girls or a similar group set up for girls only. So far the organisers have resisted but I think it will only be a matter of time.

Apologies if I've misunderstood, but it seems a little churlish to be against a similar girls only group. What would be wrong with that - your son's group would stay the same wouldn't it?

I think OP is concerned about what happens if the group becomes mixed, like scouts.

PuttingDownRoots · 09/08/2023 11:02

I agree its a bit "unfair" if some children do both rainbows and beavers if there are waiting lists (although we have spaces come available every term as the older ones turn 8, then 10.5 at different points in the year and move up)

And you are right in thinking if they can sustain a boys only club with current staffing and enough participants they shouldn't be forced to go mixed sex. (A similar girls only group is irrelevant)

As for boys only clubs... its sport, especially as they get older. Football, rugby etc.

LakeTiticaca · 09/08/2023 11:17

I see no issue with this . People want single female spaces so why not male?
I went to Girls Brigade and I wouldn't have enjoyed it of boys were allowed to join. Likewise my brother attended Boys brigade and I highly doubt it would be the same experience if Girls had been admitted. (Not that any Girls I knew wanted to!!)

Deathraystare · 09/08/2023 11:27

@LakeTiticaca

People want single female spaces so why not male?

Perhaps it is the fact that female spaces are disappearing? Changing rooms. toilets, sports etc etc. That may be why they are annoyed that boys have their own space?

Folkevermore · 09/08/2023 11:29

It sounds like a similar but separate group for girls would be good and can't see the issue with that, I agree though that by making it mixed it will ruin the dynamics and it'll be a shame.

Folkevermore · 09/08/2023 11:31

Deathraystare · 09/08/2023 11:27

@LakeTiticaca

People want single female spaces so why not male?

Perhaps it is the fact that female spaces are disappearing? Changing rooms. toilets, sports etc etc. That may be why they are annoyed that boys have their own space?

I'm not sure how that translates to being resentful that boys aka young children have a group that's just for them?

TonTonMacoute · 09/08/2023 11:38

The organisers may not have the resources to set up a separate group for girls. There may not be the same demand for a girls group anyway.

It’s a huge amount of work and responsibility, if people want a girls only group they should pitch in and help set it up, not undermine a successful group for boys. It sounds like people wanting something for the sake of it, because they can’t have it.

Original poster
Summerhasfinallyarrived · 09/08/2023 13:32

Sorry for not being clear. Of course a similar girls only group would be great. It’s just that this was set up just for boys and the organisers have no interest in setting up a girls group hence the comments about unfairness and pressure from parents to allow girls to join.

OP posts:
itsmylife7 · 09/08/2023 13:39

Tell the Mothers who are moaning to set up their own girls group.

It's great for some children to have separate sex groups.

My GD loved rainbows for that reason.

0021andabit · 09/08/2023 13:42

Without knowing the activity, it’s hard to understand why girls being allowed in would stop this being a place he can be himself. Where girls specifically being particularly mean or non welcoming to him in his reception class? But at 6, I imagine it’s for likely to be the leaders/ the activity that means he’s happy there, I wouldn’t worry too much that girls joining in would spoil that.

PuttingDownRoots · 09/08/2023 13:52

Ask the moaning girl mothers if the boys can join Rainbows then...

It should work both ways!

Changeforachange · 09/08/2023 13:56

If the group is offering access to something niche like boxing/sailing/horse riding, then of course they should be given an equal opportunity.

But assuming that's NOT the case, it's no different than parents putting pressure on beavers to open another lodge because their kid can't get in.

If there's no resource to do it & no financial need to get more attendees, the demands can be ignored.

If the girls parents genuinely feel there's a need for a group in addition to rainbows/beavers, then one of those parents needs to organise and resource one, not just moan.

BigFatLiar · 09/08/2023 13:57

Summerhasfinallyarrived · 09/08/2023 13:32

Sorry for not being clear. Of course a similar girls only group would be great. It’s just that this was set up just for boys and the organisers have no interest in setting up a girls group hence the comments about unfairness and pressure from parents to allow girls to join.

Then the mums who want a girls only group can set their own up.

Phos · 09/08/2023 15:42

Deathraystare · 09/08/2023 11:27

@LakeTiticaca

People want single female spaces so why not male?

Perhaps it is the fact that female spaces are disappearing? Changing rooms. toilets, sports etc etc. That may be why they are annoyed that boys have their own space?

But let’s wilfully ignore the fact that boys have been denied their own space for years since girls were allowed to join Scouts and STILL get Guides to themselves. Because that’s just inconvenient and doesn’t fit the narrative does it.

rookiemere · 09/08/2023 15:47

Agreed @Phos no one ever mentions this.

Not even when it was getting awkward for DS and their friends to share a mixed tent in scouts when camping at age 10-11. He said he felt uncomfortable getting changed.

It feels a little unfair that boys seem to be allowed nothing to themselves.

PuttingDownRoots · 09/08/2023 17:10

@rookiemere Scouts separates out changing facilities way before 10. Neither the girls or boys want to share that!

arethereanyleftatall · 09/08/2023 17:15

I guess the boys group was set up by a volunteer?

The girls parents are welcome to do likewise.

I love girls only spaces, my second daughter got so much value out of them.

continentallentil · 09/08/2023 17:19

It doesn’t sound like the organisers are going to admit girls so I don’t see the issue.

If you hear people complaining either ignore it or say you think setting up a parallel group for girls is a great idea, as kids getting to spend time in mixed and single sex groups is good for them.