Feeling indifferent about everything. Is this a midlife crisis?

[zeddybrek]

From the outside it looks like I have a great life and guess that I do. Thankfully no money or health problems. DC both happy and I enjoy lots of time with them. A job I love, several holidays, friends, family, hobbies etc but deep down I have a voice that keeps telling me what's the point of it all. We're going to die anyway and who cares. The world is full of suffering and pain. This voice is getting louder and I don't know how to stop it and how to change the narrative. I did lose my Dad 2 years ago but this huge lack of care or indifference about everything has only recently become a thing. I am early 40's and generally in good health.

Sometimes I can only describe it as the highs aren't as high and the lows aren't as low. I feel sort of emotionally flat if that makes sense.

When the children go to bed, I browse on my phone, get ready for the next day etc. I don't watch TV as I forget almost everything I watch so what's the point. I have always found it hard to watch something unless I am really into. So I sit there sometimes wondering what the hell is the point of anything anymore. Just make the children happy, keep a clean home, go to work and carry on with the monotony of daily life.

Anyway point being this inner voice is bothering me. Has anyone else experienced this, is this what a mid life crisis is about? I am finding it slightly unsettling so thought I would acknowledge this voice and try to do something in case it becomes too loud and potentially an even bigger problem.

Sorry for the rambling post, I am finding it hard to explain this even to myself.

I felt like that before I started HRT. Joyless and Meh. Not depressed, just flat. I realised how bad it was when a fabulous weekend with the girls post Covid was just Meh to me. HRT has given me back my appreciation of life.

I've been feeling like this for the last few months, a complete flatness every so often punctuated by rage. I'm assuming at 45 it's perimenopause and I know I should think about HRT but something keeps holding me back, probably just general mehness..

I've had this for a few years now. I think it's a lack of excitement in life and general boredom. I don't think we humans flourish without some kind of creativity, a project that really interests us and exploration of some sort.
The whole kids and family and the responsibility, monotony and cultural expectations of it all can snuff you out too.
Maybe find something you would really like to do, go for it and aim high.

Yep, same as @Shouldbedoing in that HRT has definitely helped with this. I got really bad symptoms that I was putting down to lockdown fatigue and being stuck home alone but it never really shifted when things got back to normal again.

I feel like this too. Interesting you mention you lost your father two years ago as I did too. Following to see what others say but I just think I’m in a bit of a rut.

@Shouldbedoing joyless and meh, that definitely sums it up. I hadn't really thought about whether this could be early peri menopause but will be reading up on this. Thank you.

Exactly the same here! In fact as soon as I just read the thread title I was thinking that HRT has given me back my 'emotions', if that makes sense?

@Toloveandtowork hi and thanks for taking the time to reply. I had thought this however I have or rather used to have a huge passion for triathlon. Have been doing them for 10 years. I completed one yesterday and didn't get the excitement I usually do and was so meh about it which is really not me. Also I am going on holiday to a new place on Sunday which is a bucket list destination for me and am also so meh about that too and I usually love travelling.

@Coronationstation that's really interesting to hear. I didn't know this was a symptom but another poster has said the same so will definitely look into it. Thank you.

@FoxBaseBeta general mehness sums it all up! I think I will have to start thinking about HRT. I thought I would be told I'm too young but maybe not.

@ouse sorry for your loss xx it's so hard isn't it. Someone explained to me that grief isn't linear so I had been wondering if it's some sort of delayed grieving. I still miss him terribly.

I get it. I'm 45 with 2 DC and feel like this. I don't think I'm depressed but just can't be bothered. I moved jobs 6 months ago and regret it and now struggling to stay motivated in my role. Not 'into' anything right now. Been on holidays this year and rather than enjoy them, just got caught up with anxiety over the organisation of everything. Now on HRT but just changed tablets as 4 months in and no change. Doesn't help I'm an insomniac so genuinely just knackered all the time.

@Heatherbell1978 thanks for replying, hope both the HRT and new job settle into something that work for you. I am clueless about HRT so will seriously consider this, and any other options.

Yes, I feel like this too. Mid 40s. No change to my periods yet so not sure about HRT.

I'm on my sixth AD in 6 years.

What hrt are you all on?
I am struggling too

I'm filling the 'meh' void with planning to relocate our entire lives hundreds of miles away next year. I feel like we've been living the same life for the last 10 years and I want a new one. It's terrifying, but it gives me something to focus on. When I'm not focused on that, though, I totally get the 'meh'ness of it all.
I waste so much free time sitting around thinking I should be doing something productive with that time!

OP I'd second PPs and look into HRT though as often in middle age women are given ADs when really it's a hormone balance issue. Especially if anyone has tried ADs and they aren't working at all, it's worth a try.

Peri-menopause can last 8-10 years for some people, where the hormones fluctuate and cause issues for ages before periods get particularly messed up.

Yup, felt just like that: in my case I got a scrip for livial from the GP and felt "normal" again less than an hour after the first dose, so it can be shitty perimenopausal hormones.

Same here, feel very 'what's the point?' Or 'I can't be arsed' about a lot of stuff I'd usually be excited about. Generally 'meh' HRT has helped a bit but am still in the process of finding the right balance with it. I'm 43. Also take Citalopram to help with the overwhelming anxiety peri has gifted me with. The joys 😔

See your GP and also make sure that you are taking a good multivitamin and getting enough sun.
General low mood can be for psychological or physical causes and the physical ones are easy to rule out, especially as you are already super fit and getting daily exercise.
It may be peri menopause but that wouldn't be my first thought at your age unless you have a family history of early menopause. Your GP will check your hormone levels and prescribe vitamins before jumping to Antidepressants. But you may well find that a low dose for a short time will get you over the 'hump' . I hope you feel better soon.

I’m the same although we have money worries to top
it all off. My dad has cancer, I’m fat, unfit. DD is entering teens and hard work. Today has been a bad day. All I do is work and try to keep on top of everything when I’m so behind in everything it’s untrue. The house is falling down around our ears as we are crap at DIY and don’t have the time. If I didn’t have to look after the children I’d be taking the easy way out. Just got getting old and probably cancer to look forward to now. Death would be better than this.

Oh FGS. Not everything can be solved with HRT for women between the ages of 38 and 60! ( And I'm on it).
OP it's what is known as the Human Condition. Often, when everything is " in place" and you have everything you thought you would need, a sort of nihilistic boredom sets in. Humans thrive best with challenge, genuine ups and downs, change, mental challenge. We also need purpose and meaning in our lives. That can be different things to different people. For me it is finding some activity where I can make a positive difference to the world, and shaking up the status quo in some way, whether by trying new things or pushing myself out of my comfort zone. Have a think about how to find some deeper meaning to your life, and practice gratitude, since it's only the comfortable state of your life that allows you to be bored.

I had this after lockdown. I think because of menopause and some joint problems. No other worries at all and very unlike me. My menopause symptoms weren't too bad but I thought I'd try HRT - thank goodness I did. It's a miracle drug. I don't know why my joint issues cleared up but that plus the HRT meant I felt like my old self again. I sleep well again, I'm motivated to do things and Im happy.

Agree with this, when you reach a certain age you’ve seen it, been there, done it and got the t-shirt to boot, it’s no wonder people feel flat.

Yes I think from young up to about mid forties we have 'next stage' normal goals that most humans end up doing.

So when you're in your twenties your looking for the one to marry with all that entails and trying to build your career. Everything is fresh and exciting and you're bursting with energy.

Next you're moving in together, maybe getting married which is alot of excitement and highs. You talk alot about the future and the goals you have together.

Next you are pregnant and everyone is fussing over you. The excitement of the new baby and all the new things you have to learn. Maybe a big promotion at work as you scale the ladder and become the boss. Maybe a move to your dream house that you've been saving so hard for.

Once you get to the next stage - kids no longer need you as much, career has stalled a bit or no longer holds the same enthusiasm and well you're just a tiny bit bored with your other half. Nothing is really 'wrong' as such but you're not sure what the next stage is. Life feels a bit directionless.

I think this is entirely normal around mid to late forties. When your parent dies you suddenly realise 'you're next' in your family and that you might only have another X years left. Death always makes you very aware of your own mortality. Suddenly it feels like you are wasting the time you have been given instead of making it count. You start to feel dissatisfied.

Between realising the bigger picture of this and there not being any natural next step goals I think you feel a bit lost, pointless and like you say 'I'll be dead soon so what's the point of most of it'

Someone I once knew said 'we're not here for a long time, we're here for a good time' and I like that. It says we are tiny insignificant dots so don't worry just try to find whatever bits of happiness and contentment you can.

For me as I am past that stage and older than you it's my pets who live in the moment and find joy in everyday. It's growing plants, fruit and veg and nurturing them. I have more appreciation of things I used to have no interest in at all such as world events and cultures, nature, weather, history. I've dabbled with some crafts. I support some charities. I certainly have days of nostalgia when I think of younger me striding out to my fancy car to go to my big job wearing my designer suits running my own team. The world felt at my finger tips and now I am a nobody and a nothing. I'm grey, I'm overweight, I'm exhausted, I'm invisible. However with age comes a quiet acceptance of the whole 'time to live, time to die, time to sow, time to pluck up what was planted, a time to laugh, a time to mourn.....

I hope you find your way. Hugs

@TodaysNameIsZig before I started HRT every morning I walked like an old woman, my back, knees and hips were stiff and sore. That disappeared after HRT so most likely linked to low oestrogen.