Tell me about the best funeral you have been to

[TwigTheWonderKid]

I'm planning my own funeral at the moment and now it's an actual reality, I'm finding I'm changing my mind about what I thought I wanted and also what's financially realistic/sensible.

My children are teenagers so I had thought a woodland burial would be a "softer" experience than a burial in a municipal cemetery but now I'm wondering if it would be better to save money by being cremated but I've always found cremations rather grim.

I know that I really want my funeral to be a beautiful gathering of all my wonderful friends where they can come together to laugh and cry and for it to be an occasion that is definitely "me". So non- religious, a little unconventional, environmentally friendly, and just getting to the essence of what is important.

Please tell me about the nicest funerals you have been to and what made them special and comforting for you.

Our parish priest. While he was a lovely man, he hadn’t been sober since the 70s. They lined the aisle with bottles of whiskey as an honour guard and they made up the free drinks at the wake, which was at his favourite pub and went on until about lunch time the next day. Local legend says some are still hungover today

We have been discussing this and will be opting for direct cremation then sort a funeral after the ashes are returned.
My BIL 's funeral had the coffin staying in the crematorium chapel and the mourners left, not the usual curtains round the coffin as it disappears. It was easier to cope than the usual way.

The most lovely thing from funerals I've been to was after my great aunt's funeral - we were all given a snowdrop plant to take home (it was January).

Every year, in January, the snowdrops come back out. They're the only ones I have in my garden, so I know they're hers. It prompts me to think about her, and I exchange messages with her daughters and granddaughter, and we all reminisce and share news etc. We're not a close family, but it's lovely having that moment every year where we all reconnect.

That's beautiful @Phillipa12

That’s what we did for both my parents, close family were the last to leave. It’s definitely what I want when my time comes.

I was at a funeral this week where they didn't close the curtains around the coffin, and I found it quite unnerving. There wasn't that sense of closure. It was horrible filing out past the coffin. Even though it can be harrowing having that moment where the coffin is gone from view, it feels like that's finally the 'end'.

DH's uncle. It turned into a bit of a party and we were still going strong at 2am.

Even though it can be harrowing having that moment where the coffin is gone from view, it feels like that's finally the 'end'.

That’s exactly why I didn’t/don’t want it.

At a relatives funeral they had a point where everyone who wanted to could go to the front of the church, light a candle and say what the person had meant to them. It was so personal, very emotional.

That sounds great.

My dad's funeral was a wonderful occasion. Me, DH and my two DSs went to his burial in the tiny graveyard where my DM and DH are also buried. Then there was a church service which had lots of funny speeches and music. A totally Scottish farmer occasion. Condolences to all here.

Op I was bereaved of my dad as a teenager so although now I could recount funerals that worked well, losing a parent doesn't fit with heavy drinking or late nights as per some posts if your kids are teenagers.

I never got to put anything in his coffin - will your kids be able to do this if they want to? Will they be able to visit the funeral home? Who is speaking, will they ensure the kids are front and centre? Favourite songs you have danced round the kitchen to together? I would not have enjoyed my fathers funeral because he shouldn't be dead. I think I would aim for meaningful and compassionate for your kids. I'm sorry if you are facing this imminently and I hope all is well at the moment.

A woodland burial sounds lovely tbh. The best one I went to was also the saddest, my close friend who died in a freak accident aged 21. The church was heaving, nobody was in black and she was a big character so there were lots of funny stories. But of course, it was also the most tragic due to her age. She was buried in the churchyard. I'm sorry you're having to plan this now.

Having been behind the scenes in several crematoria, I don't have that sense of closure, knowing the vanishing coffin is merely queued up.

I'm sorry you are in the situation you are planning it. I went to funeral that she had planned herself and she had left a letter to be read at the funeral and it was just amazing.
It felt like she was there and in the room with us. It was so funny & also so emotional. Tears and laughs but I left wanting to experience life to the fullest, not completely broken and devastated.

My gran's best friend. A group of ladies who were still getting the bud to the bingo well into their 90s. She had a humanist service at her funeral. However she asked the bingo caller to do the eulogy as he was a family friend. He came fully kitted out in his uniform. They numbered the order of services and he picked one. If your number was called you were asked for a memory or a story and then got a packet of biscuits as a prize.
This was totally unexpected and had everyone laughing instead of it being a somber affair.
My gran is annoyed cause she said her friend has pinched her idea and now has to come up with something even better!
I want to grow old like them!

Best was for a family member who was a serving member of the Royal Navy when they died (of cancer). Full military honours (including shots over the coffin) and all the ships in port in Portsmouth (including Victory and Mary Rose) flying flags at half mast.

Most people can't pull that off!

Of more normal funerals, the best features have been

• really good, personal eulogies (laugh and cry)
• lots of photos (possibly a montage set to meaningful music as part of the service)
• a wordle of the person, contributions from families and friends giving their top 5 words to describe the deceased

And a good wake. If the deceased can afford a good do (on their estate, before it's divvied up) it's a fantastic gesture. Last drinks on them!

Thank you for your sensitivity @Raera and @MrsBennetsPoorNerves Happy to report I am currently still live and kicking. In fact it's funny that this thread has been resurrected the week that I had my latest scan results which indicate chemo is having an effect (it won't cure me but hopefully will buy me a little more time)

Haven't caught up properly yet with the latest flurry of posts but thank you everyone, it's lovely to read your experiences. Keep them coming!

A colleague who had a direct cremation. He’d left money for a do in a pub. No funeral, or service - just a gathering of his loved ones and friends to remember him. It was jolly and had none of the awfulness of a funeral.

I think I’ll do the same.

My Dad died from cancer earlier this year, and we were so traumatised by the events leading up to it that we couldn't face arranging a funeral. There was a lot of stress with his siblings causing issues, and in the end we went for a private cremation and a private ashes interral - it couldn't have been more perfect, it was a warm summer day, DD read a poem and the Vicar did a really simple but lovely service. We all said goodbye, and came home for afternoon tea and a few bottles of Dad's favourite wine.

Caused WW3 with his relatives, but fuck them - they weren't the ones that Dad wanted around him at the end, and that said it all for me.

I've been to 2 woodland burials

the first was very difficult, although fitting and beautiful, due to the nature of the person's illness and early death- their favourite poetry was read, many friends, family and colleagues were there, a humanist celebrant who had obviously taken time to find out all about them- after the funeral, drinks in a nearby pub, but what was nice and unusual was a table laid out with mementoes from all different phases of their life- so everyone there discovered something new about them

the second was a very unexpected death of a friend and neighbour- this was less formal and time made for anyone who wanted to share memories, we all added soil to her grave, what I would pass on from that is that if you want music in a wood get a decent system, the sound is easily lost, and people don't really sing without being led.

about both of these I found it lovely and comforting to be in a 'real' wood- it wasn't at all municipal or 'planted'. Downside- access was difficult. But there was a real feeling of being returned to the earth.

well done for planning this!

That is amazing news @TwigTheWonderKid. So glad to hear it!

a friend of ours had the most eccentric grandfather and he LOVED Christmas and Halloween. He had a little bungalow on a very busy road. It was a bit run down, but every halloween and christmas it was decorated to the nines with so many different color lights, but the big thing was that he made his own stand up decorations from plywood, cut them all out, and painted. They were the tackiest thing ever but everyone in our area always watched for them going up. His funeral? His request was everyone must wear a halloween costume or an ugly christmas sweater HAHAHA. Everyone complied and it was the weirdest but most wonderful funeral I have ever been to. The music was alternating between Christmas Carols and Halloween music such as the monster mash. No wake. But after the service there were tons of halloween and christmas themed cupcakes. It was June! lol

My friend had a woodland burial she had a wicker coffin that was decorated with flowers from her garden, we followed the hearse from her house to the woods, there was a piper out of sight and her husband said some lovely things about her and the happy life they had, we all put flowers and soil in her grave and then went to the pub. It was just so lovely, informal and very personal.