Tell me about the best funeral you have been to

[TwigTheWonderKid]

I'm planning my own funeral at the moment and now it's an actual reality, I'm finding I'm changing my mind about what I thought I wanted and also what's financially realistic/sensible.

My children are teenagers so I had thought a woodland burial would be a "softer" experience than a burial in a municipal cemetery but now I'm wondering if it would be better to save money by being cremated but I've always found cremations rather grim.

I know that I really want my funeral to be a beautiful gathering of all my wonderful friends where they can come together to laugh and cry and for it to be an occasion that is definitely "me". So non- religious, a little unconventional, environmentally friendly, and just getting to the essence of what is important.

Please tell me about the nicest funerals you have been to and what made them special and comforting for you.

Firstly, I'm so sorry you're having to address this question, it must be very tough.

Along with many celebrations 6 and church burials, I've been to 4 woodland burials (3 different places) and they were all beautiful in different ways. Three of them took place completely outside - we were fortunate with the weather, but to be honest, if the weather had been awful, it would have been really difficult, especially for older guests. The other woodland burial had the service inside a beautiful wooden building and then the coffin was wheeled on a wooden cart to the burial spot with everyone walking behind. It was a good way to organise things.

In terms of service, we used a celebrant several times. She was wonderful, and really captured the essence of the people. It was reassuring having someone holding everything together.

One family member had specified before her death that she wanted no vicar or celebrant, choosing instead a chance for anyone who wanted to, to speak. It turned out perfectly and was my 'favourite' funeral, but there were plenty of confident speakers, otherwise it could have been a bit awkward. No bought flowers, just flowers from people's gardens. Everyone wore wellies and brought deckchairs. There was bubble liquid for children, they ended up sitting round the grave blowing bubbles. Everyone went for a meal at get favourite restaurant afterwards. Perfect really.

Wishing you all the best with your planning.

Firstly I'm so sorry you have to do this with children still teens, can't imagine how tough it is.

I organise funerals for a church so see lots of variation. One thing to note that unlike independent celebrants we provide ongoing support whatever level of faith people have, funerals will have c of e basics in them but we include whatever personal touches people want from readings from Winnie the Pooh to the bravest 13 year old I've met who played his violin accompanied by my dd on the piano (the by sheer chance knew each other and she offered). Some families go to the crematorium afterwards but you don't have to, we can "commit" in the church porch and people make their way into the hall or go onto a wake elsewhere. The wakes I find are as important as people can talk, decompress and yes celebrate the life of their loved one.

Take care x

Sorry 'Along with many cremations and church burials' that should say.

I am having a cremation. It's all paid for. When I die my nominated person rings the company and they come and take my body and cremate me without anyone being present. Then my ashes are returned to my family. No service or anything. It takes the pressure off my family and it's
then up to my family if they want to have a service or party or something.

My uncles funeral. Poems, songs, stories from his family. Afterwards we had a wake in the garden, sat round a campfire, drinking wine, having cuddles and singing songs he would have loved, it was the best way to say goodbye.

A friend went to one where the person had a direct cremation (with no one present) and someone collected the ashes afterwards. They then had a celebrant lead a short service on the beach she lived by and loved. The ashes were scattered into the sea (winter- no swimmers etc.) They then had a big meal and drinks in her local pub. My friend said it was perfect because they told stories and laughed at old jokes but it was more a celebration of life. There was no grim crematorium or dull service although there were tears. And the family were glad not to witness her vanish through the curtains knowing she was going for cremation as it was all done beforehand.

One service I went to the vicar went round the crematorium as people were arriving, asking how they knew the deceased. It was a really nice touch and set the tone for a friendly, relaxed funeral.
Another crematorium had a power cut! We had candles, a real piano and because there was no power the coffin didn't disappear (always the worst part I feel). So accidentally a much gentler ceremony

A very close friend of mine passed away age 39 last year. It was not till after the funeral I realised she had copied and pasted the funeral from love actually, her favourite film 😞. It was the perfect tribute to her.

Dh's - though I would say that because I organised it.

Burial for family, with a few words said at the graveside by the humanist celebrant and then a traditional prayer led by one of his few religious relatives.

Off to a local lovely hall, where everyone else arrived and we had a ceremony. We'd decorated it with some of his possessions, lots of daffodils and photo boards. The celebrant led it. 4 people spoke about different aspects of his life including someone speaking for me. A friend played some very short piano pieces that he liked to play at intervals through the ceremony. There were postcards on seats that people could write down things about him for me and ds to read, and then we had a minute or two just of music and then silence and people went up to the front to light a tealight for him. After that we had a big rank of tealights and flowers. I just found it incredibly healing. The right celebrant was a huge part of it.

I hope it wasn't too long for other people - none of the individual bits were at all long. I've been to one funeral which was so long it was an endurance test.

One of late dp's friends, started out at crematorium where we were all given a tot of whisky
for the committal, then on to a working men's club for the wake, by this time I had rung exh & asked him to have ds overnight. We then went on a 12 hour pub crawl round town with some of his friends, then collapsed in bed, woke up at 3.00am starving & ended up having bacon sandwiches. I felt very delicate the next day

I've been to lots of funerals but the above is the only one I can remember with a smile, he had left money for a free bar & requested all his snooker team mates played snooker at the wake, there was a dj playing & everyone was singing.

Two things stand out to me, firstly the honesty of a non-religious funeral where the deceased has been of no religion, and secondly I remember the first funeral where it was said to be a celebration of the deceased's life.

This is all very interesting.

Keep them coming!

My friends mum had a direct cremation then a month later they invited all family and friends to the local park rigged up bunting and picnic mats lots of drink, asked people to dress up like midsummer nights dream and anyone who could play instruments or sing did it was a real festival hippy vibe and so suited to her mum. Her children made speeches and people spoke about their memories of her.

My sister's funeral after her tragic death was made so much the more comforting my the beautiful humanist ceremony my parents held in their garden. Her casket was wicker, so lighter and kinder to the environment. It was also lighter for the bearers. We used flowers from all the ones sent to my parents supplemented by foliage from the garden. It was beautiful. We all stood in the garden during the ceremony and my parent's little dog raced around my sister in her casket, which made me smile amongst the tears. We had the most lovely funeral order of service booklets made too

A friend died young in a horrible accident but his funeral was, altho it feels weird to say it, perfect. It wasn’t religious, we wore our young farmers shirts, or just bright colours, we did shots, we laughed and cried at a video montage we’d all contributed to, we danced to rhythm is a dancer and the wake was a huge party essentially, in a barn, with live music and lots and lots of beer. He’d have loved it. Maybe that’s what to aim for, something you yourself would enjoy.

What a hard thing to do. So sorry, OP. As long as you choose options representative of you, you can't go wrong.

The best funerals I've been to were the lighthearted ones that celebrated the best of those people's lives rather than mourning their deaths.

My grandfather's. We had a woodland burial in a beautiful place, told lots of stories about him, then all went to a lovely pub where we ate his favourites and got very competitive doing crosswords, which he had loved.

And my friend's was glorious too. She was young, with small children, so had a short and lighthearted service. We all dressed in her favourite things - leopard print, sequins, bright lipsticks - and sang her favourite songs together as part of the service. She was cremated, and the coffin had a huge arrangement of wildflowers on the top which her husband had taken outside the chapel and then split into little bouquets for her friends to take home to remember her by. Then everyone went to a nature spot nearby and had a catered picnic there, and played games with her children.

I'm very sorry OP, what an awful thing. I agree, nothing you pick will be "wrong" because it will be right for you and yours.

My favourite was my dad's during covid. No ceremony or anything, just the mandated 10 (plus a couple more ) in the funeral home with the open coffin (Irish so that's normal to us). My sister and I said a few words, we played a few of his favourite songs and that was it. Very personal and relaxed.

Mum’s funeral - classic crem with her favourite hymns and readings by the people she loved best. She would have approved (she was 97 but the big room at the crem was packed, it was lovely)

Followed by a grade A pissup at a local pub, which she also would have loved.

It was lovely because it reflected her - but she was 97 and while we were all so sad she had died she genuinely had lived a fabulous, full, long life.

I'm so sorry that you're having to think about this, OP.

The ones that come to mind for me are the ones which have had a bit of humour. I remember my uncle giving a crackingly funny eulogy at his dad's funeral. Some people might have found it irreverent but I think my grandad would have loved it. It celebrated the kind of person he was and the fact that he didn't ever take himself too seriously.

Others that spring to mind are ones that have made good use of music loved by the deceased person, and those which have take helped to reflect a life well lived - I have loved learning things about the person that I didn't previously know.

I guess I like the kind of funeral that feels more like a celebration than a mournful event. And I have enjoyed the ones with very sweet, personal touches that linked back to the individual or their interests.

Bright colours are nice imo. I won't want anyone wearing black at my funeral. And personally, I would go for donations to a favourite charity rather than flowers that will just rot.

I went to a beautiful ceremony a few years ago for a dear friend who passed away from breast cancer. She had requested that a special part of the ceremony be set aside in which the congregation were invited to pledge their love and support to the children that she was leaving behind. Not to everyone's taste, maybe, but it was very moving and provided her children with a very visual representation of the many, many people who wanted to be present for them in different ways. Her 10yo dd also read a poem which she had written about her mum, which nearly finished me at the time, but I thought afterwards that it would be amazing for the dd to look back and know that she had done that for her mum... how on earth she found the strength and courage, I will never know.

The first one I went to where the priest said that the family of the deceased wanted it to be a celebration of his life.

Sadly recent posters might be too late, this is an old thread

Thank you for flagging this @Raera. I sincerely hope that the OP is still around and reading the thread. If not, then I very much hope that she managed to plan exactly the kind of celebration of her life that she wanted.

My dd's funeral, she was 3 when she died. To be honest I can't remember much about the ceremony other than the church was full. Her wake though, was wonderful. We had hired out our local, the landlady had done so many little extras, like pink loo paper, as well as going above and beyond with the food and drinks. What made it so relaxed and fun and special was seeing all my 5 year olds reception class walk in just after we had arrived. Being able to watch my son play all afternoon with his friends meant the world. The noise and laughter was very much needed and "Pippas party" was talked about for a very long time at school. We are nearly 10 years on and Pippas wake is still referred to as Pippas party.

That sounds beautiful @Phillipa12. What a fabulous way of celebrating your dd's life. I bet that Pippa would have loved her party.