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Original poster

Tell me about the best funeral you have been to

73 replies

TwigTheWonderKid · 07/08/2023 20:16

I'm planning my own funeral at the moment and now it's an actual reality, I'm finding I'm changing my mind about what I thought I wanted and also what's financially realistic/sensible.

My children are teenagers so I had thought a woodland burial would be a "softer" experience than a burial in a municipal cemetery but now I'm wondering if it would be better to save money by being cremated but I've always found cremations rather grim.

I know that I really want my funeral to be a beautiful gathering of all my wonderful friends where they can come together to laugh and cry and for it to be an occasion that is definitely "me". So non- religious, a little unconventional, environmentally friendly, and just getting to the essence of what is important.

Please tell me about the nicest funerals you have been to and what made them special and comforting for you.

OP posts:
bravotango · 07/08/2023 20:19

My great aunt - cremation, at the time of the cremation we all (about 40 of us!!) were walking one of her favourite walks, ended in a pub. No service although appreciate that's not for everyone!

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 07/08/2023 20:22

My dads. Church full. After the church the undertakers took his coffin (he was cremated at 6am the next day with no one present) and we went to the pub and it was an afternoon full of fun and laughter which, ironically, he would have loved had it not been his funeral.

not having a break for a burial / cremation worked well and was good for us.

HowNice23 · 07/08/2023 20:24

Crikey I can't imagine what you are going through but what a huge question x

Part of me thinks I'd just tell the fam not to bother with a funeral. Just huddle and heal without worrying about arranging owt. But obviously you know your own family and what they will need so ask them and let that guide you xx

Lovelydovey · 07/08/2023 20:25

I've been to a couple recently where the cremation took place first with close friends and family, followed by a larger church remembrance service and gathering afterwards. That worked really well.

MiniFig · 07/08/2023 20:28

My grandad's. He was 93 and had had a good long life.
He donated his body to medical students and didn't have an actual funeral.
We had a wake, all the men wore Hawaiian shirts because he loved those (even my ultra buttoned up dad) and all the women wore the outfit my grandad liked best on them (me? long purple knitted dress with purple docs, Morticia Addams style make-up.

We had a Ludo championship because he loved playing that with all of us as kids, and ate all the food he loved (including home-baked bread and dripping).

There was a lot of laughing. We all cried at some point, but mostly it was a lot of fun. He'd have loved it.

StickSeason · 07/08/2023 20:29

My dad's - he opted for a woodland burial and that shaped the whole thing. Everyone in wellies and waterproofs, a funeral celebrant who really listened to what we needed and who he was. Music he loved, good food. Even giving people a cup of tea when they arrived.

It was his choice and having an idea of what he wanted made it so much easier for all of us.

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this - all I can say is having a plan helped us.

SparkyBlue · 07/08/2023 20:31

The most recent one we were at had plenty of good food and a good band in the pub after the burial. It was 3am before many left the pub.

DeNeushoornHeeftEenHoorn · 07/08/2023 20:34

The funeral of my mentor. She was an atheist for most of her life but had got close to some Quakers while dying of cancer and they arranged her funeral (ceremony, then burial). It was a very warm, informal, simple, honest and peaceful service. The friend leading the service said “X didn’t believe in God, so we’ll just focus on X’s life and leave Him out of it”. I felt - for once in my life - in the presence of something I can only describe as spiritual surrounded by her friends, colleagues and former students all talking about her with love.

BogRollBOGOF · 07/08/2023 20:35

My grandma's recently was lovely. It helps when it's the "right time" though.

She had the cremation first to get that bit over and done with. That was family. Then we went to the church for the main service which had more people present. Then off to her local pub.

The church service felt lighter for having already got the hard bit of the cremation over with. Last time I was in the crematiorium room was for a school friend in his 40s, so a lot of memories instantly dredged up, and it was nice to get past that phase.

Perihelion · 07/08/2023 20:36

A friend.
Close pals got together to decorate her cardboard coffin. Cremation and then the wake was a huge party with band and DJ, as she'd wanted. Tears, laughter and dancing
My daughter for years afterwards was always angling to go to funerals, as she thought they were all like that.

Namechangedforspooky · 07/08/2023 20:39

A funeral I went to recently had ‘party bags’ - the deceased favourite flowers in a pot with a small photo attached. She would have approved!

Another friend planned her own funeral and had a nail bar
Yet another friend requested we make a video with photos of him and us talking about memories. I think he saw it just before he died
All very different but personal ideas

Not an easy task for you x

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 07/08/2023 20:39

My friends. It was in a small local theatre, he was an actor. Everyone wore bright outfits. The weirder the better. The celebrant was dressed in a tardis dress.

Lots of laughter. Mentions of said dead friends cock.

Then a woodland burial with only a handful of people.

I didn't go to the wake.

Titsywoo · 07/08/2023 20:39

I used to volunteer as a home help and emotional support for people with terminal illnesses so went to a few funerals. One was an elderly lady who was a right grump but had an interesting life. She was also very religious. She had planned her funeral and talked to me about all the songs she has chosen and what they meant to her. She had also requested a particular vicar who had worked at her local church for many years but since retired.

The church was packed for her funeral and the vicar told so many lovely and funny stories. Most of the people there knew him and kept calling out with funny comments to his stories and sometimes little stories of their own. She was clearly very much loved and it was an incredibly heartwarming service.

Dacadactyl · 07/08/2023 20:41

My DH grandad had a great funeral. Beautiful church service, then burial with everyone throwing flowers and handfuls of dirt onto the coffin in the grave.

Then onto the wake which had a free bar and musicians playing live music later on. It was lovely.

Joelijane · 07/08/2023 20:41

This feels really brave, you care so much to ask this ❤. My friends mum had a church service a buffet lunch then a ceildh dance in the eve, her plan and it felt very much like a celebration of her life. The woodland walk just sounds so beautiful and grounding xxx

SilverSpringss · 07/08/2023 20:42

A friend of mine last year. He was a young gay man who was into performing arts and loved being on stage.

During the funeral ceremony his friends all danced around his coffin to steps, all dressed in rainbow colours.

It was unlike anything I had ever been to, and it was very him.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 07/08/2023 20:42

My dads was a really nice send off.

He was young, only 56 when he died and had always been 'a character' if he had to identify as any known character it would have been Del Boy from Only Fools and Horses.

We had a non religious cremation, with no eulogies or speeches from family, the officiant had gathered some information and anecdotes that they shared, then everyone walked out to Frank Sinatra singing I did it my way.

Back to the house where everyone had been asked to bring pictures so there were piles of photos dotted around that people would flick through and it generated loads of funny stories about when dad did this or that, lots of laughing.

We had a hog roast van and an ice cream van because that's what he liked and all his favourite songs playing softly in the background.

It was sad but it was a celebration of him and who he was not a maudlin event.

User5653218 · 07/08/2023 20:42

The best funeral I've been to was where the person was cremated with just their family.

Then there was a celebration of his life in a church where we sang his favourite hymns and the minister did a lovely speech with memories from all the people who knew him best.

Then after the service we all walked across to the church hall for tea and cake.

I want my funeral to be that way round. I find the church service part to be the most uplifting, I want my family to end on that note. Not to have a lovely service and then have to go to a cold graveside and bury my body. That would be miserable.

I've equally been to humanist ceremonies which are uplifting so I'd want it that way round whether the ceremony was religious or not.

At the funeral service of a friend there were cards and pens on the seats and people were asked to write a memory or add a photo. These were then all collected up and laid out on a table at the funeral tea afterwards then finally tied with ribbon into a book. Her children kept those. We were told about this in advance so we had time to think and pick a photo.

CMOTDibbler · 07/08/2023 20:44

My dads cousin planned his own funeral, meeting with the celebrant before he died to get it just as he wanted. He had a picture of his favourite tractor on the order of service, and had the funeral at their farm so it was very gathered round the coffin and close. All his favourite music, everyone brought along dishes of food by request of what he liked

Merrz · 07/08/2023 20:52

So sorry you're having to do this, I can't even imagine.

My auntie planned hers before she died. Private, with about 40 people. Casual dress as in not black funeral attire. Lovely rural burial with no ceremony, the minister spoke at the graveside about her. Bagpipes played as her coffin was taken into the grave yard and as it was lowered into the ground. Then lovely afternoon tea at the local hall with her favourite music playing and beer/wine. It was the loviest but also saddest funeral I've ever been to, it just felt so her. I never saw the need for private funerals before but I totally get it now. It made it very emotional and about her just being closest family and friends, was a true tribute to her.

Calistano · 07/08/2023 20:52

My dad's was fine, standard crematorium then wake at my house, it was nice to see family I hadn't seen for years. My mums I don't really remember much about tbh. There wasn't really any wake, I think everyone in the immediate family just wanted it over. It makes me really sad because there were loads and loads of people at the crematorium, she was well loved it seems. My sisters who organised it, well.. Some of things that were said and happened, bunch of solipstic cunts.

Butteredtoast55 · 07/08/2023 20:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

HalloumiHo · 07/08/2023 20:58

Hey Op x I'm so so sorry that you have to ask this question. Sending you all my love and support as you approach this xxx

My lovely mum passed away at 54, just a few months before her 55th. 2013.

She was a pretty straight-laced, religious lady but shocked us all with a secret song that she'd agreed with the church in her prep beforehand 'Always Look On the Bright Side Of Life'. It.made us all laugh and cry at the same time...but in a good way.

DarkDarkNight · 07/08/2023 21:01

My uncle’s cremation at the local crematorium. It was a humanist ceremony, no religious aspect at all. Just a celebration of him and his life. The celebrant told stories from throughout his life, some I knew some I only heard for the first time that day.

He was a lovely, gentle soul and what touched me most was post-retirement he had started a delivery job and lots of the young people he worked with came to the funeral.

There was no wake, but it felt like it wasn’t needed.

Butteredtoast55 · 07/08/2023 21:04

I'm sorry, OP, having read your post properly, please ignore my last comments.