Tell me a profession

[TumbleflumpDancingBum]

and I'll give you a joke..

OK, not all accountants are great..........but I am

Yes but do you like cheese

Otorhinolaryngologist to his patient:

The doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober"

Barister type joke:

What is a criminal lawyer?

Redundant.

Lexicographer

Noah Webster?s wife, returning from a long trip, discovered the lexicographer ?flagrante delicto? with a pretty chambermaid. ?Mr. Webster!? she gasped. ?I?m surprised!?

?No my dear? said Webster with a reproving smile, ?You?re shocked...I am surprised.?

Chef
Event Manager

Computer / Stool Analyzer

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," like replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten quid...a hell of a lot cheaper than a private doctor." So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten quid, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten quid, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

How do you know if the head chef is a
clown? When the food tastes funny

A TumbleflumpDancingBum. Whatever profession that is, clearly they have less to do than I do

DoesntChristmasDragOn [raspberry emotion] I'm on holiday

Snigger