Tell me a profession

[TumbleflumpDancingBum]

and I'll give you a joke..

Candy Floss

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Candy
Candy who?
Candy floss any faster?

Freelance Journalist

This freelance journalist discovered Adolf Hitler was alive and well and
living in South America. He managed to wrangle a 'once-in-a-lifetime'
interview with Hitler on the condition that he was not to reveal where
Hitler was living. He went to this interview, and lo and behold, yes, it
was Adolf Hitler, looking very old. He interviewed him, asking him all
sorts of questions, and as a final question, asked "What are you doing now,
in the twilight of your life?"

Hitler replied "Hah! Twilight of my life! I'll have you know that I am
secretly putting together the 4th Reich, right here in South America! This
time we'll do it right. We have a foolproof plan - this time we will kill
EVERY JEW in the world - and 6 MEXICANS!!!".

The journalist asked "...but...but....but why 6 MEXICANS??"

Hitler jumped to his feet and yelled "SEE, I TOLD THEM THAT NO-ONE GIVES A
SHIT ABOUT THE JEWS!"

Go on, share the url with us...

Accountant

Silversmith

Bearskin maker
Child catcher
and
dog food taster

Accountant joke

An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: "This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old".
"Where did you get this exact information?"
"I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old."

Librarian [wary head in hands emoticon]

Lexicographer

otorhinolaryngologist

Stool analyser a la Gillian keith

Silversmith

She had a wedding to go to

She had a wedding to ho to and needed a wedding gift, aha she thought i have a monogramed silver tray from my wedding that i never use, I'll just take it to the silversmith and have the monogram removed and put hers on it, voila one cheap wedding present.. she took it to the silversmith and asked him to remove the monogram and replace with the new one on, the silversmith shook his head and said 'lady you can only do this so many times'..

actuary

Public Relations/Press Officer

Libarian

1. Seemed like a novel idea at the time.
2. Catalog paycheck under "Humor".
3. Can change name to Marian.
4. Know proper bait for microfiche.
5. Special relationship with Melvil Dewey.
6. Unlimited alphabetizing.
7. Augment vast income with overdue fines.
8. Reading trashy novels on work time is called "Book Review".
9. Exercise shhh-er daily.
10. Be caretaker and repository of all human wisdom (and folly!)

Actuary

Q. How can you tell the difference between an actuary and an accountant?
A. The actuary is the one with a personality.

Public relations joke

A mathematician, an accountant and a public relations officer all applied for the same job with a large company.

The interviewer called in the mathematician first and asked, "What does two plus two equal?"

The mathematician replied, "Four."

The interviewer asked, "Four, exactly?"

The mathematician looked at the interviewer incredulously and said, "Yes, of course: four, exactly."

Then the interviewer called in the accountant and asked the same question, "What does two plus two equal?"

The accountant said, "On average, four - give or take 10 per cent; but on average, four."

Then the interviewer called in the public relations officer and again posed the same question, "What does two plus two equal?"

The public relations officer got up, locked the door, closed the shade, sat down next to the interviewer and whispered, "Well, what do you want it to equal?"

You've got the actuary joke the wrong way round

Actuary one definitely wrong way round .

Accountants have much more personality.

How about barrister?

But that isn't saying much

Traditionally, Actuaries are people who found accountancy too exciting.

Accounants are great.

Woah there..I am an accountant and I always work with middle aged men who are very very dull indeed. At one christmas party, one started a conversation with me with the Immortal line "Do you like cheese?"