Autistic Women Assemble! #2

[Nepmarthiturn]

Helloooo lovely people, a new thread for a us to continue to chat and connect with other autistic women (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊

As before, anybody newly stumbling upon this is very welcome to join us (even if still awaiting diagnosis). But we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please, like the NT man we encountered in thread #1. 🤣

Thank you!
Here's the culprit.

Gorgeous and fluffy as ever! 🥰

Any news on finding a place for your son @TheShellBeach ?

Hello there!

Nothing yet. I'm trying to view a property in the next village, and that has been a clusterfuck of idiotic emails and forms. I asked for a viewing five days ago and I've only just completed their strange online form.

Questions like "Who is your banker" - wtf? What's that got to do with the price of fish?

I have a permanent headache ATM.

Aaargh, that sounds awful. Why do people make everything so impossible? 😩😔

I don't know.
When I was unable to fill in the first set of forms (because they just came as an attachment so it was technologically impossible)
I sent her an email explaining the circumstances. I thought that would be acceptable, but no. The forms were sent again.

Oh well. She probably won't accept him if she's this fussy.

The flat's not wonderful and it's quite expensive. If we look at it I'm going to offer her less than she wants. It's well above market rent for this area.

It does sound like she might be a bit of a nightmare to deal with as a landlady if it's like this with such unhelpful behaviour even when you are a prospective customer! I hope you find some other options. How is your son doing, is he ok? I mean, obviously not, but as ok as he can be under the circumstances? He must be so hurt and so anxious with this uncertainty.

DS is okay. Yes, very anxious and hurt.
We'll help him to get therapy once we sort out the housing problem.

BTW have you seen this charmer

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4933753-for-blowing-up-at-my-autistic-girlfriend

Jeez, Shell. That reads like it was written by a 12 Yr old. I hope it gets zapped as it's a mess of an OP which is just going to turn the usual way.

In fact, the way the title is worded, it is designed to be inflammatory.

It's been deleted.
I reported it. I think a lot of people did

I have found my people, my tribe! It's not just me. I now know that there are lots of us who just 'get it'. After a lifetime of struggle I now understand! As I am as old as my tongue and just a bit older than my teeth, I am too old to be bothered about a formal diagnosis, but a sense of relief that I now know it's not being awkward for awkward's sake, or fussy for the sake of being fussy, or pedantic just for the hell of it.

It bothers me that we don't go the 'right' way to the shops.
It bothers me that the appointment/event/whatever is meant to start at midday and it's now 12:01 with no action.
It bothers me that my sandwiches are not all equal.
It bothers me that my clothes are close fitting (ie, not the preferred size too large)
It bothers me that the lights are too bright, the noise too loud, there are too many people.
It bothers me that you touch my skin because I actually find it painful and if you stroke me, please excuse the fact I want to put a fist in your face.
It bothers me that you don't mean what you say or say what you mean.
The list of 'bothers me' is soooooooo long. It's exhausting.

This whole thread has validated my experiences for me. THANK YOU.

I now know I'm not bad tempered out of nowhere - I have exhausting, physically and emotionally draining meltdowns! I now know that I'm not antisocial - I am merely withdrawing from the stimulus.

Now I have found my people, I will quietly sit in my safe corner on my favourite chair and feel at home.

Glad one of these awful ones was deleted for once. I really don't understand why people do it. I did think for a while some progress was being made with debunking the horrific stereotypes about autistic people but based on what I regularly see on Mumsnet, I'm not so sure. 😕

@Itssafebehindmycushion you are very welcome here! I'm sorry you've suffered all of that for such a long time without understanding what was causing it. It does such a great deal of mental health damage and damage to self-esteem feeling like an alien and not knowing why.

It's a shock but also such a relief when you realise you are not just rubbish at coping with life and everyone finds it this difficult but manages fine, and that actually they don't struggle with this stuff at all, the whole world is designed to be like a sensory room for them and is cosy and fun and you have actually been superhuman in surviving this relentless barrage of unwelcome and unbearable stimulus all day every day for decades and have remained (moderately in my case 🤣) sane.

I am glad you found us. The support on this thread has been a life saver for many of us!

Oh the whole say what you mean thing drives me insane. For example, I never knew "How are you" was another way of saying "Hi" Like why not just say "Hi" or "Hello" without me rambling on like a twat and having no interest in what I have to say?!

YES! This exactly! I do the rambling like a twat all the time! 😂 It's only when you can see the eyes glaze over I sometimes realise - Oh! You didn't mean 'how are you?'

Yes! I do think it's a British weirdness also though: my friends from other countries have also commented on how confusing they found people using a question as a greeting when you are not meant to answer it honestly. People from several different countries have all commented to me how you would never ask somebody how they are unless you actually wanted to know! I think people speak much more directly and honestly in many cultures and it would be easier for autistic people to navigate. It is so frustrating having to try to guess what people mean. What is wrong with using the right words to say what you actually mean?! Another one is the "we must meet up again for a coffee..." etc. Also confuses my foreign friends, because people then don't actually arrange it, or are vague when you attempt to. People use this one to say "goodbye" and "how are you?" to say "hello"!

Maybe there's a reason lots of my friends are not from the UK. 😆 I can understand them much better and vice versa depsite the language barrier and saying what you mean isn't considered "rude".

Being direct is not being intentionally rude, but sadly, is perceived to be.

Only by oversensitive people who obsfucate and are incapable of clear communication! As I think I said earlier in these threads, it does make me laugh when people say autistic people are the ones with communication issues!

What's everyone been doing this week? I had a Halloween party for my children on Tuesday and am still absolutely exhausted. I don't even like Halloween! But they love it. Then we had that crazy storm last night.

Our main living area is at the back of the house, so we managed to avoid anything Halloween - not that we heard any knocks at the door. Fortunately we've missed the worst of the weather. My week has been mostly working and attending appointments around chemotherapy and celebrating my newly realised neurodiversity.

Nobody should be knocking anyway unless you've put decorations out to show you wanted to take part! It sounds like you've had enough on your plate without all that Halloween mayhem. 🤣

@Nepmarthiturn exactly! It’s fairly standard trick-or-treating etiquette to only visit houses with a lit pumpkin outside.

Yes! We trooped around our area and would never knock at an undecorated house. Lots of kids in our area so many houses to go to. And some of my lovely elderly neighbours make cookies and things and put out a pumpkin and are so lovely to the kids about their costumes! But we'd never dreamed of knocking on a random door of a house who hasn't clearly signalled they want to take part. In fact I think anybody who does should be subject to the "trick", e.g. slime poured on them from a first floor window, for bad manners. 🤣