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Heard DV going on next door … WWYD

78 replies

EvlisPersley · 02/08/2023 22:44

Back story ….
We were warned when we moved into our house 18 months ago that the bloke next door was an arsehole; had history of falling out with neighbours at any opportunity;
just to try his luck for a reaction.

We’d been in about 3 weeks when he had the first pop at us - we let it ride and ignored him.
Then he had another go at us for playing some music and singing along in the garden while we were bbq-ing at 6.30 on a sunny Saturday afternoon - just the 2 of us, not loud at all, just a tiny Bluetooth speaker and husbands pretty grim rendition of the Smiths 🙉 so husband gave him a gob full and told him to go fuck himself.
An hour later he was knocking on our door. After a row- husband told him to get off the property, he wouldn’t go or let it drop, husband told him to fuck off or he’d help him to fuck off …. He finally left.
We haven’t spoken since.
He’s a big man, probably about 68-70, one of those smarmy, manipulative, bully types for example : …. “Have we upset you that you feel you have to play your music so loud, we’re good neighbours why are you trying to upset us?” ….. instead of “could you just knock your music down a bit please? Ta”

We see his wife regularly walking their dog, until that episode we chatted for a while each day but after the incident, we cooled the chats but stay civil with her and pass the time of day.
We don’t bother speaking to him at all. Despite speaking to her I’ve always felt she is just as bad for knowing what a bullying arsehole he is and never stepping in or telling him to shut the fuck up and stop being an arse.

Yesterday afternoon I overheard him screaming at her repeatedly “why did you do it” followed by a loud cry out in pain from her, the type that you might hear if an arm was being twisted or hair pulled.
He was telling her to fuck off and die, that he was going to take everything from her he’d ever given her, to get off her fat arse and “pick it up”
He closed the back door and I could still hear him shouting.
It went quiet after about 90mins but there were still raised voices 4 hours later when we let the dog out at bedtime.

We haven’t seen either of them today…. But that’s not unusual- we don’t see them everyday. The blinds have been drawn all day. We have heard some minimal activity walking around the back garden briefly earlier this evening.

Part of me is saying stay out of it, it’s none of our business.
The other part, despite our history, is concerned for the lady- she is about also 68-70.

WWYD

OP posts:
Makemineacosmo · 03/08/2023 09:33

I too wouldn't want to make things worse for her because in reality, it would. Every single poster on here knows that too or they are very blessed indeed. Ignore the saddos pouncing on you.

This is the kind of really awful attitude that worries me. Keep your head in the sand, pretend you don't hear anything. People are not saddos for reporting DV. The ones that are quoted in the newspaper saying 'we used to hear terrible fights' after yet another poor woman has been killed by her partner, are the saddos.

NewDogOwner · 03/08/2023 09:37

I mean this gently, your husband's reactions seem very violent and threatening.

MBailey99 · 03/08/2023 09:39

Next time it happens, one of you call police, another try your best to record what is going on on your phone. Police often can't do anything without evidence, especially if the survivor is too scared to cooperate. If it were me personally, I would stay chatty with her and ask explicitly if she is OK, let her know you're around if she ever needs any help. You don't have to say anything about having heard the abuse as it may lead to him continuing but more discretely. Never stay silent.

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