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Original poster

Triggered by lockdown

219 replies

user64827723 · 02/08/2023 19:17

It can't just be me.

I just replied to a thread about small age gaps and was triggered. During Covid I had a 1yr old and a 2yr old. We lived in a flat with nothing to do and no where to do.

I cried most days and I still get so upset and mad about it now, those precious first years completely lost. 2 years of nothing to do, no swimming, no baby classes, wearing a face mask at soft play and even then the cafe was closed and numbers were limited.

Life with babies and toddlers is bloody hard but nothing will compare to trying to parent in lockdown.

I felt at the time, and still do feel, that parents of very young children were completely forgotten in the madness of covid lockdowns.

Anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
CloudyMcCloud · 03/08/2023 09:35

These posts are so sad

I’m also sad people felt they couldn’t say similar and get support at the time. People were brutal, I wonder if they feel bad about that now.

EmmaEmerald · 03/08/2023 09:37

"I knew I was doing everything badly, and to be honest I think it actually broke my brain - I can't seem to focus or take in new information so well anymore."

same, I barely read books now.

re agoraphobia, yes, mum knows people from age 60 to 80 who have that issue. My boyfriend says he thinks of going out as "leaving the flat". He's 23.

OnToTheNextOneOntoTheNextOne · 03/08/2023 09:37

My DC needed an operation during lockdown and they were only doing emergency operations. A 1 year old in terrible pain for a month did not qualify as an emergency 😥. I noticed a change in her personality over that month that became permanent. I don't think about that often, it's like I've blocked out the awfulness of my child in pain being denied medical treatment. At one point we rushed her to the hospital with suspected sepsis and the nurses were horrible and seemed more concerned with getting us out of there asap to minimise their risk of COVID.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
premiom · 03/08/2023 09:38

mindutopia · 02/08/2023 20:57

I think it was hard for everyone whose lives were turned upside down. I had a 2 and 7 year old, and honestly being at home with my 7 year old (and homeschooling and working too) was the hardest bit. I can’t say it affected things with my 2 year old as much, but I’m not a class/playgroup/soft play sort. We mostly went to the playground and for walks and the beach and for picnics. Which to be fair, is what I would have done anyway. I sure would have appreciated not having to do it all while working (technically as a key worker, but can wfh so didn’t qualify for a key worker place). But doing homeschooling truly killed me. I can’t even do homework with my kids. We are literally the ones who never do the assigned homework at school because I can’t bring myself to do it again.

Same, can't even bring myself to do any homework with mine either and I was really on the ball with it before the pandemic.

whatamess100 · 03/08/2023 09:39

I think everybody feels like that regardless if you had kids or not. We were robbed of 2 years, it was shocking. I'm not saying covid didn't exist. im not being a tinfoil hat wearer but how bad was it really. Certainly not bad enough to keep the elite indoors and i find it odd how covid is never ever mentioned, like where did it go.

hilariousnamehere · 03/08/2023 09:40

Newtothisanddonunderstand · 03/08/2023 06:46

Mine were a little older but I also still feel really traumatized and am still recovering my mental health really, and surprised everyone never talks about it.

we live in Spain so were not allowed out of the flat (no garden) at all for six weeks. Not once. after the six weeks we then were allowed to do the one hour a day thing. I still cannot believe I spent six weeks with two tiny DC not seeing the sky even for 5 minutes.

It fucked up family relationships too, as everyone is in the uk except us and were doing that circle thing you were allowed to.

Bubbles weren't introduced for thirteen weeks after the first lockdown - I am single, no children, live on my own and so was not officially allowed to see or touch or hug anyone else for thirteen weeks - more than three months. There is definitely still some trauma from that.

I'm still grateful I didn't have to do lockdown with a child of any age, and being shut in the house for six weeks is horrific, but please don't assume the UK bubbles were from the start.

Tinybrother · 03/08/2023 09:43

“But think of all those MNers who were spared their MILs constantly turning up.”

no need for that

Backstreets · 03/08/2023 09:44

It was a miserable time. Unless the next virus has us bleeding from our eyes and nipples I will never be that compliant again. I thought the protesters were mental at the time, but they were right. Just two years of utter darkness.

EmmaEmerald · 03/08/2023 09:46

Backstreets · 03/08/2023 09:44

It was a miserable time. Unless the next virus has us bleeding from our eyes and nipples I will never be that compliant again. I thought the protesters were mental at the time, but they were right. Just two years of utter darkness.

Well at least you admit it I guess.

blacknredsweeties · 03/08/2023 09:47

The OP isn't saying it was only hard with babies and toddlers. She is just talking about her experience.

It was also horrendous for the elderly, people dying alone, teens isolated and not able to go out. My kids were 7 and 9 (I think??) and the home schooling was awful. I think we all agree.

YukoandHiro · 03/08/2023 09:50

OnToTheNextOneOntoTheNextOne · 03/08/2023 09:37

My DC needed an operation during lockdown and they were only doing emergency operations. A 1 year old in terrible pain for a month did not qualify as an emergency 😥. I noticed a change in her personality over that month that became permanent. I don't think about that often, it's like I've blocked out the awfulness of my child in pain being denied medical treatment. At one point we rushed her to the hospital with suspected sepsis and the nurses were horrible and seemed more concerned with getting us out of there asap to minimise their risk of COVID.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I think the feelings of complete vulnerability and powerlessness will stay with us all. I was pregnant with multiple complications and had my 14 and 16 week midwife appts cancelled and my 20 week scan cancelled. All by text and nobody picked up the phone if I called. I finally got my scan at 24 weeks. I was managing all my complications with the help of peer support groups online. It wasn't good enough. I was genuinely scared.

BigGreen · 03/08/2023 09:51

Yes my youngest was 1.5 in the lockdowns and trying to work and keep a 4 yo in 'homeschool' sent me deep into burnout. It was a truly awful time.

OnToTheNextOneOntoTheNextOne · 03/08/2023 09:52

I'd agree that it was awful for lots of people in different ways. I don't think it was awful for everyone though and I feel angry that I made things worse for myself and my child by being so compliant.

I said to DH this week that I regret staying local and only going out once a day. We had a young child and we didn't do things like drive somewhere nice for a walk as we were following 'the rules'. I so regret that.

Summertime109 · 03/08/2023 09:52

Lockdown made me truly grateful for everything I had. Not saying it was easy… my DCs were 5 and 8 at the start of lockdown.

That said lockdown was incredibly hard for so many people. I really feel for those with young babies, those in unsuitable living conditions, people who had nobody and young adults / older children missing out on what should be exciting times (college / uni). Kids who missed out on their last years of schools, residential and proms and many more.

YukoandHiro · 03/08/2023 09:52

whatamess100 · 03/08/2023 09:39

I think everybody feels like that regardless if you had kids or not. We were robbed of 2 years, it was shocking. I'm not saying covid didn't exist. im not being a tinfoil hat wearer but how bad was it really. Certainly not bad enough to keep the elite indoors and i find it odd how covid is never ever mentioned, like where did it go.

If you're following social media at all it's mentioned all the time? There's still constant discussions about transmission rates etc.
In fact "covidisairborne" is trending on Twitter (or X) again this morning

SunRainStorm · 03/08/2023 09:54

I had a newborn and a two year old when lockdown started.

I still find certain things triggering.

When one or both of the children are sick, and I am home caring for them, I immediately feel claustrophobic and trapped. Just being stuck in the house, solely responsible for the children does that to me. It makes me feel like a terrible mother.

I was in Melbourne for lockdowns, we had some of the longest and strictest in the world. Meanwhile I had friends and family in other parts of the country who were virtually unaffected. It seriously damaged my relationships with them, and even now it changes the way I think of them. They would cheerfully send me photos of their holidays, children on the beach, news of their children enjoying sports and school. Followed my a breezy 'hope you're all well'. It made me so resentful. They had no idea what it was like for us, offered fuck all support. Just carried on with life while we protected them by containing the virus.

One of them asked me for help with something recently and I just thought, 'no actually fuck you. I was going out of my mind in lockdown for two years and you didn't send my kids books or toys, or offer to set up a zoom chat, or check in with me beyond bragging about your own life. I'm not lifting a finger for you.'

I never would have felt that way previously. It's made me a lot more jaded.

Freetodowhatiwant · 03/08/2023 09:59

@SunRainStorm saying “When one or both of the children are sick, and I am home caring for them, I immediately feel claustrophobic and trapped. Just being stuck in the house, solely responsible for the children does that to me. It makes me feel like a terrible mother”.

I really relate to this. I find it very hard to stay in. As a single mum with kids who often just want to stay in and chill out but who are as yet too young to leave alone at home this makes me feel incredibly claustrophobic and miserable.

Thally · 03/08/2023 10:00

I feel so sad hearing some of these stories. I try not to think about that time too much.

I think young single people really suffered too. The uni students and twenty to thirty somethings who have lives with after work drinks and cinema trips and dating. It was very lonely for many them that lived alone.

Having a tiny child must have been very difficult. It would have been very upsetting to wider family too to miss out on seeing a new family member or a toddler as they grow so much.

alloalloallo · 03/08/2023 10:06

My kids were teens during the lockdowns so I didn’t have to deal with trying to look after young kids while juggling work and homeschooling but I do feel somewhat triggered by it.

My youngest had a massive mental health breakdown in May of 2020, she developed agoraphobia to the point she couldn’t even leave her room let alone the house, OCD traits, self harmed and finally took an overdose.

I will, ever, never forget watching my child fall apart like that while being completely unable to help her or get her any help. That feeling of total helplessness.

We’ve spent the last 3 years putting her back together with the help of a private therapist at first and then CAMHS (who have been completely amazing I have to say) and DD is coming out the other side, but I have been totally focussed on DD’s needs and somewhat neglected my own.

DD’s therapist at CAMHS has gently suggested that perhaps I should have a chat with someone. The thought of DD being discharged now she is 18 has somewhat freaked me out - it was so hard to get help the first time that I can’t bear the thought of it happening again.

CwmYoy · 03/08/2023 10:33

whatamess100 · 03/08/2023 09:39

I think everybody feels like that regardless if you had kids or not. We were robbed of 2 years, it was shocking. I'm not saying covid didn't exist. im not being a tinfoil hat wearer but how bad was it really. Certainly not bad enough to keep the elite indoors and i find it odd how covid is never ever mentioned, like where did it go.

Covid is very much still with us and still killing people. Long Covid has had a devastating impact on many people.

We don't hear about it because the government wants people at work to build up the economy. But it is doing so at the expense of the health of the vulnerable.

DS 1 works in research and is still kept very busy with Covid.

The lockdown did save many lives and let's not forget those who it killed. Some people speak of it as though it was just a cold.

It wasn't.

bookworm14 · 03/08/2023 10:33

It was so, so awful and I’m glad we are now able to share our experiences on threads like this. MN was so different at the time - anyone suggesting that they were finding things difficult was leapt on. I posted in desperation because I was so worried about my DD’s behaviour and the deterioration in her mental health, and I was told I was bringing it on myself. It wasn’t legally allowed for her to meet up with a single other child for months - how was that my fault? I will never forgive some of the aggressively pro lockdown people on here.

I still can’t really think about those days without getting upset. DD was four and in reception when it started, and I do think that period had a permanent effect on her development. Because DH was working and I was furloughed, DD and I were basically together 24/7 and even now she is very clingy and anxious about anything happening to me.

alloalloallo · 03/08/2023 10:43

I will never forgive some of the aggressively pro lockdown people on here.

yes, and in real life.

Like the (now ex) friend who told me my DD’s mental health was collateral damage and at least she wasn’t dead (2 days after DD had taken an overdose).

Not to mention bloody masks - my DD has a disability which meant she couldn’t wear a mask - my god, the ableism on here at that time. The abuse and threats DD received from random members of the public if she ever left the house (no bloody wonder she developed agoraphobia) - being told she shouldn’t be allowed out and that it was her fault people were dying

It’s all become a bit of a trigger for me. I won’t ever forgive people like my ex-friend - I bumped into her once and I just felt completely repulsed.

CloudyMcCloud · 03/08/2023 10:48

I will never forgive some of the aggressively pro lockdown people on here.

I’m surprised some are still around. Many have just left though. They were horrendous

DramStokker · 03/08/2023 10:55

Lockdown is wrong. But what do you do when hospitals are completely overwhelmed and there is a virus causing an unmanageable demand on resources and no method of control? Is that acceptable - to let hospitals collapse and unable to provide basic care to the public? For a maternity ward to not be able to even deliver a baby? I think until the vaccine was available, until we knew the virus was to going to mutate into something more deadly - it was the right thing to do, but could have been done much better.