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Original poster

Triggered by lockdown

219 replies

user64827723 · 02/08/2023 19:17

It can't just be me.

I just replied to a thread about small age gaps and was triggered. During Covid I had a 1yr old and a 2yr old. We lived in a flat with nothing to do and no where to do.

I cried most days and I still get so upset and mad about it now, those precious first years completely lost. 2 years of nothing to do, no swimming, no baby classes, wearing a face mask at soft play and even then the cafe was closed and numbers were limited.

Life with babies and toddlers is bloody hard but nothing will compare to trying to parent in lockdown.

I felt at the time, and still do feel, that parents of very young children were completely forgotten in the madness of covid lockdowns.

Anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
Freetodowhatiwant · 02/08/2023 22:05

My kids are older - they were 7 and 5 during the first lockdown, but I still feel traumatised by it. It was hideous. I cried most days. My relationship with DH (now separated) had just broken down and he spent all day in the top of the house working and I had the kids all day. I couldn't get either of them to do any homework and it was depressing and sad and dire.

The second lockdown was worse in some days due to the cold and not even being able to have that outside walk due to the freezing weather. By then I was living apart from STBXH so was the only adult in the house. I spent most of hate day in the bath.

I know people who coped with it fine but I think it all depends on what tyoe of person you are (I thrive on social and family contact) and also what situation you were in. I had a house and garden so was lucky in that sense but yes I look back and feel pretty traumatised.

ladyvivienne · 02/08/2023 22:06

I honestly feel like we were robbed of primary school. Lockdown was Year 1/Year2/Year 3 for my two. My son had two birthdays in lockdown, his 5th and his 6th. Now that was heartbreaking.

Muckysmucky · 02/08/2023 22:11

My heart breaks reading these

I was working on the covid wards and terrified I would get ill and infect or kill my family. Each day brought new fears.
I saw patients die day after day alone and terrified and we didn’t know what we could do to help them.
My own kids were teenagers who missed out on the usual hanging out with friends or playing in the park, cinema trips, bday parties and having a little bit of the freedom that comes with age, let alone school life and being able to sit the exams they had worked for. Life was reduced to a screen in a bedroom all alone day after day after day.

Yet through it all DH and I would say every day we don’t know how the parents (esp single parents) with young babies and toddlers are coping. That and the isolated elderly. It’s so devastating just thinking about you all.

I used to drive past a big estate with high rise flats on my way home from work and see the little playground all sealed off and wonder how the mums were doing inside those flats with their small children to entertain.

I found life pre covid with young kids very hard but got through due to my family and my lovely antenatal group meet ups plus endless toddler groups, soft play and trips to the supermarket for tea and toast. Without any of that I would have gone under for sure so I feel nothing but sorrow for all of you who missed out and had no support or space and am not at all surprised to hear of the trauma you feel.

Pls know lots of us were thinking about you at the time even if you couldn’t see or hear us and we still hear your stories now and acknowledge your pain and memories. You definitely suffered disproportionately and I also cannot hear about the Johnson parties without feeling the bile rise.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Natfrances · 02/08/2023 22:11

It definitely depends on the age of the children I think, mine were 3 and 5 at the time and I loved it, my husband was working from home, I was home schooling the 5 year old and doing pre school stuff with the 3 year old, we got into a nice little routine. It was coming out of lockdown and going back to normal I found hard.

ChateauMargaux · 02/08/2023 22:15

I think it had huge impacts on many many people.. I have post covid depression and it hasn't shifted.. I find it very hard to see the joy in life. A few friends died of cancer in the years between and that has also left me hollowed out and wondering what the point of it all is and what the is next... I watched my mother be hospitalised and the care was shocking.. and I do not want to get old.

Leapintothelightning · 02/08/2023 22:16

drpet49 · 02/08/2023 20:02

I know a few parents who had lockdown babies and none feel like you do. Some were first time parents.

I had my first baby the day after lockdown was announced. I definitely felt like the OP.
It was a horrible time to be a first time parent. My husband worked 12 hour shifts, I didn't have a clue what I was doing and had no family support. I cried every day. So good for the people you know but that wasn't the case for a lot of us.

citygirl1234567 · 02/08/2023 22:17

Lockdown was ok for us. We had fresh 2yo, 4yo and 6yo (ASD).
I think the warm weather was the lifesaver.
We are lucky we have a big garden with play equipment. I bought possibly every single subscription based product for kids, lots of baking, painting etc. They loved it.
BUT I think missing all the developmental stages (friends etc) is manifesting itself. They are anxious and youngest has no idea how to approach other kids.

Freetodowhatiwant · 02/08/2023 22:19

redteapot · 02/08/2023 21:40

My daughter was 12 days old when we went into the first lockdown - I find it really triggering too. A strange thing I have is that when I go to new places (different towns / cities, etc.) I get an image of what it would have looked like to see people clapping for the NHS in that particular street. It sounds silly but it makes me freeze for a few seconds before I can shake it off.

I get this too, I occasionally get a flash back when I am in a supermarket or something and remember the masks and queuing and shiver. I also look around me at busy places such as on days out or holidays and feel traumatised by having seen them empty and desolate. Yeah, definitely some trauma left. Thank goodness that period is behind us hopefully never to be repeated.

FloorWipes · 02/08/2023 22:24

I had just a one year old and it was hell and I really can't forgive the people who thought it was acceptable to do this to us. I will probably never forgive them.

BenWeatherstaff · 02/08/2023 22:27

Thank you @Muckysmucky

All of you writing here have my sympathy too. The whole thing was so bloody traumatic. It felt like the world was ending. From time to time new acquaintances have asked, ‘so what was lockdown like for you?’ And I can see in their faces I get a bit too wild-eyed remembering it.

The first lockdown we worked so hard to make it work, felt we were doing well even if the 18mo was a bit feral- until I had a breakdown and had to be furloughed. How I wish I’d asked for that at the start. The thing that really got to me though, wasn’t so much what was actually happening to us, as the thought of what would have happened to my eldest if she had been born in lockdown.

We were sent home when she was six hours old, before I had fed her successfully. We didn’t have a home visit til she was 36 hours old and she still hadn’t fed. She lost 15 percent of her birthweight by day 5 and had to be re admitted. She absolutely would have died if it had been lockdown, with scarcer support. I couldn’t bear the thought that there would certainly have been other similar children born in lockdown who might die as a result of the shutdown of services.

ItsCalledAConversation · 02/08/2023 22:29

mindutopia · 02/08/2023 20:57

I think it was hard for everyone whose lives were turned upside down. I had a 2 and 7 year old, and honestly being at home with my 7 year old (and homeschooling and working too) was the hardest bit. I can’t say it affected things with my 2 year old as much, but I’m not a class/playgroup/soft play sort. We mostly went to the playground and for walks and the beach and for picnics. Which to be fair, is what I would have done anyway. I sure would have appreciated not having to do it all while working (technically as a key worker, but can wfh so didn’t qualify for a key worker place). But doing homeschooling truly killed me. I can’t even do homework with my kids. We are literally the ones who never do the assigned homework at school because I can’t bring myself to do it again.

I’m like this too. Home work gives me a sort of stress nausea.

This thread is very helpful and I don’t think anyone talks enough about how frightening the entire covid experience has been and still is, in individual ways, for everyone.

CloudyMcCloud · 02/08/2023 22:30

FloorWipes · 02/08/2023 22:24

I had just a one year old and it was hell and I really can't forgive the people who thought it was acceptable to do this to us. I will probably never forgive them.

I think back to those demanding it, and yes I know what you mean.

ZickZack · 02/08/2023 22:42

1st born came summer 2020... I live abroad. No family visits, no help. Colicky screaming baby for the first 14 weeks. A moany, grumpy, whingy bored baby until 7 months cause we couldn't go anywhere or do anything. I hate thinking of those early days. We'd also waited for him for 4 years (infertility, icsi baby).

Ds2 is 6 months old now and what a difference in comparison to the first 6 months with ds1.

TheGriffle · 02/08/2023 23:04

Mine were slightly older, just turned 3 and 7 (a day before lockdown and a few days after). Working from home, home schooling and trying to keep my 3 year old safe nearly broke me.

We lived in a house with awful neighbours who banged on the wall the moment my children made any noise, and a concrete yard so nowhere to escape to. I cry every time I think about it. We even went so far as putting a Tv and heater in our detached garage so our children had somewhere to go away from the neighbours.

My now 10 year old is still behind in her maths and I truly believe the missed schooling is a big part of this. She missed a lot of year 2 and year 3.

Mumto32022 · 02/08/2023 23:09

I was working as a newly qualified (ish) midwife with 3 young children. Work was shit. Staffing was unsafe/ dangerous due to covid pos staff and isolating staff. Families were anxious. I was anxious as was everyone else due to being scared we would catch covid. Couldn’t call in sick. Scared to bring germs back home for my younger kids. Then days off were spent home schooling and being isolated scared also bloody exhausted after long long long shifts with NO breaks!!! I was scared I would show up with covid signs and bring that to my family. Petrified. Alone. Suicidal with the thought of what every single shift would bring. Anxious couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. But expected to work the role of 2-3 other members of staff. With limited experience. It broke me in more ways than I can count. I don’t like looking back at photos of that time or thinking about it.
majority of friends in gardens and hot tubs drinking and having fun on furlough in the hot summer weather. I was jealous and angry and felt it was unfair. I’ve come a long way from those feelings now but yes it was a horrible time.

EmilyBrontesGhost · 02/08/2023 23:10

Thank you for starting this thread OP.

It's heartbreaking to read what life was like for everyone contributing here, but it's so important that this is recorded and recognised.

We must never forget the hell people were put through, for no reason whatsoever.

I hope this thread runs and runs to document the suffering caused by the disaster that was "lockdown".

EmilyBrontesGhost · 02/08/2023 23:14

drpet49 · 02/08/2023 20:02

I know a few parents who had lockdown babies and none feel like you do. Some were first time parents.

Oh really drpet49 well that's okay then that EVERYONE you knew was just fine with lockdown . . .

Original poster
user64827723 · 02/08/2023 23:15

QueenCamilla · 02/08/2023 21:24

I moved into a refuge with an active 4yo on the first day of the lockdown. We had a house to ourselves in a place we knew no one at. My son's world shrunk to just... Me.
The refuge had some basic furniture but no cutlery, bedsheets or curtains - I haven't forgotten the stares of absolute judgemental disgust at me buying pillowcases in ASDA. Essential shopping only - remember that shit?

I've hated every single one of the selfish, navel gazing, virtue-signalling pro-lockdownist since. Cunts.

Oh god I forgot about the essential shopping bollocks!!

I used to take my DC to the big Sainsburys near us on the bus every other day and let them toddle around the store just for something to break up the day. That was literally the highlight of my day, going to the big Sainsburys!

OP posts:
Original poster
user64827723 · 02/08/2023 23:19

Fuckingfuming1 · 02/08/2023 21:32

Mine were teens and whilst its not a competition take comfort that your bubs wont remember it. We are still having self harming incidents with no end in sight

Bloody hell that's horrific. I'm so sorry this is happening in your family.

At the start of lockdown I wrote down in a WhatsApp group that this would be lives v livelihoods and I was right - it is of course incredibly sad that lives have been lost to this horrible virus, but no one seemed to stop and think about livelihoods.

My parents missed nearly 3 years of their DGC lives because they lived in Australia and were trapped there. They missed their entire toddlerhood's.

OP posts:
Tr1skel1on · 02/08/2023 23:22

My kids were older, Y7 and Y9 for the first lockdown. Y9 has additional needs.

I'm a key worker in a school, I worked throughout.

The effect on my kids, well DC2 ended up being hospitalised with anorexia and DC1 is still an absolute wreck, still under CAMHS etc

Whilst I totally understand how horrific it was for mum's with tiny babies, I'm not sure I would have coped, at least your kids won't remember. I'm dealing with the consequences of my 2 remembering everything years later

TheaBrandt · 02/08/2023 23:22

It must have been dreadful. Camaraderie with other parents was essential for my mental health in those early years. Can’t imagine doing that in isolation. It’s not natural.

OnceUponATimeInChristmasTime · 02/08/2023 23:22

You're definitely not alone.
The whole period; what we gave up, what we, as a family, lost, the change in my relationship with my kids, was just horrific.
I can't talk about it without feeling overwhelmed and emotional. I definitely think that there is some sort of PTSD going on.
I'll never forgive Boris and his cronies for locking us up whilst they partied away. And I'll never forgive myself for so blindly going along with it all.

Original poster
user64827723 · 02/08/2023 23:25

Muckysmucky · 02/08/2023 22:11

My heart breaks reading these

I was working on the covid wards and terrified I would get ill and infect or kill my family. Each day brought new fears.
I saw patients die day after day alone and terrified and we didn’t know what we could do to help them.
My own kids were teenagers who missed out on the usual hanging out with friends or playing in the park, cinema trips, bday parties and having a little bit of the freedom that comes with age, let alone school life and being able to sit the exams they had worked for. Life was reduced to a screen in a bedroom all alone day after day after day.

Yet through it all DH and I would say every day we don’t know how the parents (esp single parents) with young babies and toddlers are coping. That and the isolated elderly. It’s so devastating just thinking about you all.

I used to drive past a big estate with high rise flats on my way home from work and see the little playground all sealed off and wonder how the mums were doing inside those flats with their small children to entertain.

I found life pre covid with young kids very hard but got through due to my family and my lovely antenatal group meet ups plus endless toddler groups, soft play and trips to the supermarket for tea and toast. Without any of that I would have gone under for sure so I feel nothing but sorrow for all of you who missed out and had no support or space and am not at all surprised to hear of the trauma you feel.

Pls know lots of us were thinking about you at the time even if you couldn’t see or hear us and we still hear your stories now and acknowledge your pain and memories. You definitely suffered disproportionately and I also cannot hear about the Johnson parties without feeling the bile rise.

🩷🩷

OP posts:
Original poster
user64827723 · 02/08/2023 23:27

FloorWipes · 02/08/2023 22:24

I had just a one year old and it was hell and I really can't forgive the people who thought it was acceptable to do this to us. I will probably never forgive them.

Same. Unforgivable

OP posts:
ThatDayIBecameFree · 02/08/2023 23:29

Fuckingfuming1 · 02/08/2023 21:32

Mine were teens and whilst its not a competition take comfort that your bubs wont remember it. We are still having self harming incidents with no end in sight

Same here. I'm so sorry it's a terrible nightmare isn't it.