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Original poster

Triggered by lockdown

219 replies

user64827723 · 02/08/2023 19:17

It can't just be me.

I just replied to a thread about small age gaps and was triggered. During Covid I had a 1yr old and a 2yr old. We lived in a flat with nothing to do and no where to do.

I cried most days and I still get so upset and mad about it now, those precious first years completely lost. 2 years of nothing to do, no swimming, no baby classes, wearing a face mask at soft play and even then the cafe was closed and numbers were limited.

Life with babies and toddlers is bloody hard but nothing will compare to trying to parent in lockdown.

I felt at the time, and still do feel, that parents of very young children were completely forgotten in the madness of covid lockdowns.

Anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
Tinybrother · 02/08/2023 21:12

Homeschooling older child with newborn and 1yo present too, that is

Tinybrother · 02/08/2023 21:12

Homeschooling older child with newborn and 1yo present too, that is

Wanderinghome · 02/08/2023 21:21

I think it depends on the individual person, how they personally responded to the situation, how it impacted them and all the individual aspects that make up their family.

I think for the children it may have been harder for the older children.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Tinybrother · 02/08/2023 21:23

Has anyone said that everyone should have been affected in the same way? I think the OP was just looking to see if she was the only one who felt the way she did, and no she isn’t.

QueenCamilla · 02/08/2023 21:24

I moved into a refuge with an active 4yo on the first day of the lockdown. We had a house to ourselves in a place we knew no one at. My son's world shrunk to just... Me.
The refuge had some basic furniture but no cutlery, bedsheets or curtains - I haven't forgotten the stares of absolute judgemental disgust at me buying pillowcases in ASDA. Essential shopping only - remember that shit?

I've hated every single one of the selfish, navel gazing, virtue-signalling pro-lockdownist since. Cunts.

MariaVT65 · 02/08/2023 21:27

Yes. I was pregnant during first lockdown, then on mat leave during the subsequent lockdowns.

As well as not being able to get out and not being allowed anyone to help me at home after EMCS, what has really affected me was the disgusting NHS care during and after my birth, which left my suicidal and with ongoing PTSD. I’m pregnant again now and I am under a lot of specialist teams because I am terrified of being under hospital care again.

MariaVT65 · 02/08/2023 21:28

I must also say that now my son is 2, I have a great deal of sympathy for those who had toddlers during lockdown. My son loves going out and being with other kids.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 02/08/2023 21:32

I restarted a playgroup as soon as they were allowed again in September 2020, it was limited numbers and facemasks for the adults, advance booking only. I spoke to many parents of babies who were finding it really hard and were desperate to make connections with others.

My children were 11 and 13 when we went into lockdown and had their own challenges, but very different to looking after babies and toddlers.

Fuckingfuming1 · 02/08/2023 21:32

Mine were teens and whilst its not a competition take comfort that your bubs wont remember it. We are still having self harming incidents with no end in sight

DinnaeFashYersel · 02/08/2023 21:35

I can't watch tv dramas with actors wearing masks.

GotMooMilk · 02/08/2023 21:35

I agree OP. I have a 2.5 year old and 9 week old going into lockdown and got severe PND to the point of needing weekly CBT sessions (phone call obviously due to covid…). We went to stay with my parents in the end as I was having thoughts of suicide daily. I’ve never had mental health issues before or since and it was a direct result of lockdown. I look at photos of DC especially DC2 who was the most gorgeous settled happy baby and I just don’t remember that time. My brain has squashed it somewhere far away as it’s too painful.
I feel you- it was so hard. It was so lonely. Pubs open but not schools. No baby groups for ages and then some of them had limits- eg babies up until 12 months so my DC was ‘too old’. I can’t think about it too much or I just feel so angry and sad. I’d love a third but I wouldn’t do it now.

redteapot · 02/08/2023 21:40

My daughter was 12 days old when we went into the first lockdown - I find it really triggering too. A strange thing I have is that when I go to new places (different towns / cities, etc.) I get an image of what it would have looked like to see people clapping for the NHS in that particular street. It sounds silly but it makes me freeze for a few seconds before I can shake it off.

Wizzbangfizz · 02/08/2023 21:42

I don’t blame you at all - I quite frequently said to DH at the time that of ours had been toddlers we would not have made it.

Starlightstarbright2 · 02/08/2023 21:45

The children were the ones most affected… The younger the more important that development is .
New parents didn’t have networks built up , support from their parents .
Ask any teacher if they don’t see a difference .

Tinybrother · 02/08/2023 21:48

I don’t think it helps to try to determine who was “most affected”. It’s fine to talk about how it affected your circumstances without trying to compare to others. Impacts were different - for example the worry for a lot of babies was the impact on their mothers, as if risk of PND is increased (which it is with isolation) then that has a knock on effect on the baby.

Plantymcplantface · 02/08/2023 21:48

Sounds nightmarish. Lockdown was hard enough with 5 year old with SEN, parent undiagnosed SEN, 8 year old and a brand new business. This was less than 12 months after my mum died. And we lost MIL that summer. A baby in the mix would have broken me completely. 100% traumatic. Unmumsnetty hugs all round.

pastabest · 02/08/2023 21:49

Absolutely.

I had a 2 year old and a 3 year old, I was a frontline public sector key worker working with vulnerable people, with a horrible manager who expected me to carry on as normal from home with no childcare and no functioning equipment. I had families screaming down the phone at me begging for help whilst my own two toddlers were clinging to my legs screaming at me.

DH also a key worker and incredibly busy was out of the house 7 days a week 6am - 9pm every day for the first 6 weeks of lockdown and too exhausted to help in any meaningful way. He was also CEV but carried on regardless.

It was terrifying. Awful. It broke me. Couldn't even be furloughed as I was a critical worker

I can feel the trauma and panic building inside me just replying to this thread. In hindsight I should have gone off sick but that would have left so many other vulnerable families without any support.

In the evening it was constant whatsapps from friends on furlough in hot tubs. Not their fault but the resentment was/is pernicious.

It's out of the news now but the news of 'party gate' made me so fucking angry. What a laugh it must have been for them smuggling wine into no 10.

The children don't remember it at all thankfully but probably do suffer the lasting impact of me still being a bit haunted by it all.

Sprogonthetyne · 02/08/2023 21:50

I'm sorry so many of you struggled, I had a 3yo and 6 month old at the start of lockdown and actually have kind of fond memories of all the colouring in and sensory play.

Probably an unpopular opinion, but I'm glad mine weren't older, so we didn't have to worry about disrupted schooling and they had less idea what was going on or what normal times would have been like. I guess it was bad for all ages in different ways, but I wouldn't say any age group had it better/worse.

Nina9870 · 02/08/2023 21:51

drpet49 · 02/08/2023 20:02

I know a few parents who had lockdown babies and none feel like you do. Some were first time parents.

I had a lockdown baby, and found it ok, mainly because she was newborn and my husband went straight from paternity leave to wfh and we sat and watched box sets and took turns to nap.
However she’s now three and I have a one year old too. The thought of lockdown at those ages fills me with horror. I think lockdown with toddlers would’ve been a completely different experience- you can’t compare.

modgepodge · 02/08/2023 21:53

I hear you OP. I had an almost one year old in 2020 and that period was the worst in my life. Trying to teach live lessons online while my husband was on video calls in the next room and we juggled a toddler between us. Constantly felt like I was failing, either in my job or as a parent. I’m a very social person and I hate walking. Being stuck with no one to talk to and having to walk to get out the house was a bloody nightmare. Even once we returned to school in June 2020 it was awful, no break as we had to supervise the kids over break and lunch due to bubbles, weren’t allowed to use the staff room etc so couldn’t even talk to colleagues.

seeing people wearing masks always triggered an almost physical response in me, I hated it. I wore one of course but even seeing others wearing them upset me as it was a constant reminder of how crap everything was.

Overthebow · 02/08/2023 21:56

I had my dd in lockdown, she was my first DC. It was awful, not being able to have DH visit when I was on the ward with dd so the previous first few days were all by myself with no support, the midwives too busy to help. Then no visitors, second lockdown over winter with months of mat leave and not being able to go anywhere or see anyone properly. I was so lonely and my dd cried when I could finally take her places inside as she was so overwhelmed with being around other children and noise as she hadn’t before.

bluetongue · 02/08/2023 21:59

AnyFucker · 02/08/2023 20:23

I don’t have young children but I completely agree with you.

Same. So much unnecessary cruelty. Spain, where children were forced inside for weeks. US, where toddlers were forced to wear masks to daycare. It seems like madness in hindsight (it seemed madness to me at the time to be honest).

newrubylane · 02/08/2023 22:00

user64827723 · 02/08/2023 19:17

It can't just be me.

I just replied to a thread about small age gaps and was triggered. During Covid I had a 1yr old and a 2yr old. We lived in a flat with nothing to do and no where to do.

I cried most days and I still get so upset and mad about it now, those precious first years completely lost. 2 years of nothing to do, no swimming, no baby classes, wearing a face mask at soft play and even then the cafe was closed and numbers were limited.

Life with babies and toddlers is bloody hard but nothing will compare to trying to parent in lockdown.

I felt at the time, and still do feel, that parents of very young children were completely forgotten in the madness of covid lockdowns.

Anyone else feel like this?

My twins turned 1 at the start of Lockdown. I also had to postpone my wedding. I'd already been borderline PND and was just starting to feel normal again. I'd wanted to go back to work but my company couldn't accommodate me going part time, so I was also newly unemployed and it wasn't exactly the time to be job hunting, so I've been a SAHM since then as a result. In the end I felt like I'd lost 2 whole years of my sanity. 2 years on and I still have really low days.my twins start school in September and I am hoping to start a master's degree. I am hoping this might be the fresh start I need to finally feel normal again.

CloudyMcCloud · 02/08/2023 22:00

It was so sad baby groups stopped. Ours never reopened.

A lot of it was just so wrong

Isolating mothers like that

HedgesNotFences · 02/08/2023 22:01

The thing is everyone was suffering and everyone feels their particular group were forgotten and hard done by.
My father died. I hadn’t seen him for a year.
I was a TA and felt whilst everyone else was fearing for their lives and staying in bubbles of just family, I was in a packed classroom with 23 children whilst my own were at home and suffering.
It was very challenging as we had the vulnerable/troubled children and their behaviour was extremely hard to cope with. It was the hardest time professionally I have ever had. I felt sick with anxiety going to work.
The government said schools were safe for teachers as children didn’t get or spread COVID (we knew at the time that was a complete lie but the press wouldn’t listen) and we weren’t prioritised for vaccines - another kick in the teeth from the government.
We felt the public blamed us for closing classrooms (to all but the vulnerable or key either children) even though it was the government who closed schools.
The press were implying teachers/TAs were doing nothing at home whereas we were in as normal and scared witless. We couldn’t even chat amongst ourselves in the staff room as we had to stay in bubbles with the class we were with.
My own children stayed at home as DH worked from home but they had a rough time. My oldest missed 2 years of GCSE and my middle child missed 1 year. My youngest 2 were at primary and one missed their residental and Leavers Do - they can never get that back.
I realise there were many many people so much worse off than me - people suffering domestic abuse and eldery people who died alone.
It was a horrible time for everyone but I don’t feel parents of young children were forgotten or suffered any more than anyone else.