Please tell me batshit things about your work.

[TheLightSideOfTheMoon]

I am unwell and hunkering down with MN and TT for the day.

I’ve just started a new job (today is a day off), it’s all new, I’m not settling in as well as I’d like (I’ve gone from a tiny place to a HUGE one) and I’m kind of hyper-focussed on different work practices right now.

Funny stories will cheer me up.

I’ll start.

At my new work they use poly pockets/polywallets UPSIDE-DOWN!

They go in upside-down and they slide the paperwork upwards into it.

I find it so, so weird. Each time I look at them I’m like, WTAF?

Anyway, that’s mine. Please share yours. Entertain me with batshitness. I beg you.

I love Tina Turner as much as the next person but I think after a week of that I'd be ready to kill someone

he was streaming huge aunts of porn

That is some niche porn.

@DailyMaui your shop boss didn’t have a surname like a colour did he?

Imagine being the receptionist…

shades of David Brent right there

The lecturer who last year printed 70,000 sheets for the students despite all the course material being online.
The staff member sacked for downloading and printing/laminating gay porn. I suggested they should have covered their monitor in cling film.
The manager who was spotted taking a traffic cone from the boot of his car and putting it in the space vacated by the car of his 'work wife' when they went out at lunch or wherever. It happened regularly. Needless to say that cone disappeared but oddly there were no requests about had anyone any knowledge of its disappearance.

I endured Proud by Heather Small. Sooooooo unnecessary!

School staffrooms in Scotland in the 80's!

I’ve just come back to this thread and yes clearly lots cannot join the dots 😂

Also superbum (& others who loved the Elle woods poster) the reason that thread can’t be found is because MN deleted to look behind the scenes.....👀

I really don't want to derail this great thread and yes I may not be able to join the dots, but since I am so slow (yes I get it now) , could you please explain how you seem to know so much about this other post e.g. you know the name of the poster (Elle Woods,) the fact it has been deleted, plus you also know why the the other thread was deleted (because MN needs to "look behind the scenes".

The other post was entitled "Will everyone laugh at me?" Why would MN delete a thread that was simply asking for advice, unless it had got out of hand with lots of negative posts? Did you post on there too or are you Elle Woods?

I would appreciate you using my correct name. It is SuperbMum, as in Superb Mum.

You might want to CamelCase that name!

Thank you 😂😂 have changed the case.

Elle Woods is the name of the character in the film Legally Blonde. If posters “watch” a thread or have the thread open then they will get the deletion message when they return to the thread. And MN have a variety of criteria for deleting threads, I would guess in this case it was because the original poster was a previously banned poster and/or was posting in bad faith.

A reminder that not everyone is who they say they are on an anonymous internet forum.

😂

no not a colour... nice that that particular bastard is shamed now though.

My old boss is hideously rich now and lives in LA.

This has actually made me feel really uncomfortable. Do you have to hold the phone to your left ear? I am lefthanded and just the thought if holding the phone to my right ear makes me feel massively uncomfortable, not sure why, I'm sure that sounds ridiculous. I am the same with lots of stuff if I tried to do it right handed. I am guessing this is a small company with no HR depth?

I worked for a recruitment consultancy in an office admin role many many years ago. When answering the phones and being asked to be put through to one of the consultants we were not allowed to say that someone was off that day or on lunch, we had to say that they were in a meeting. We weren’t even allowed to say that they had left the company, we still had to say they were in a meeting and send the message to the boss.
This was to make us seem more busy and successful.

The boss also asked me to write down when everyone arrived and when they left, as she wanted to check who might not be doing their hours. She never arrived before 10, and often left before 4 herself. I wasn’t to write down her hours.

That is so good.

Did she pay the ransom? Where was the drop off point?

He won't give budget for quizzes unless they include rounds on his favourite subjects eg Rugby, Wine, Politics (and slightly more obscure things eg Elvis Presley & famous South Africans) and appoints his groupies to the "Social Committee".

I used to work for a law firm and the senior partner was incredibly unpleasant at times.

Our relationship was just plain weird (never inappropriate), and I wasn't allowed to call him by his first name (none of us were). Which obviously created an odd dynamic between us. I could never relax and enjoy my work, i was constantly on shpilkers around him.

It was only when i was leaving, and was training my replacement, that i realised how batshit the whole place was.
She kept asking 'Why do you do that? Why do you have to do it like that?
And I could only shrug and nod in his general direction.

I used to do the banking and lodge paperwork at the High Court, and when the staff realised who I worked for, they all pitied me.
They had known my 2 predecessors and were well aware of what an arse he was.

Having said all that, I'm glad I worked there. I learned an awful lot about all sorts of things, which I still use to this day.

@Nohelpfromme

You shouldn't be ashamed of that! It's excellent! 😂😂

My arsehole boss had this idea that he could do any job. He reluctantly paid for an accountant, but just used to fiddle with and correct their figures historically. He said that accountancy "was easy" to me - knowing that my husband was an accountant with a Big 4 firm.

He also thought that not only was my husband paid more than me, that it was appropriate to suggest that my husband should "buy me a car". I had to point out that I earned more than my husband...

When he left, I took over the finances. Instead of nit-picking what the accountants produced, I made an actual financial plan, and introduced these things called "reserves". I mainly saved operating expenditure by unpicking every piece of infrastructure that he had set up outside of the norm on the grounds that he, of course, knew better.

(I paid all the staff more, which I considered just compensation for having lived at the mercy of this shithead for years)

He later threw up a legal fuss against us on a different matter, but chose to represent himself... Because he knew better. Our lawyers were tearing their hair out at his patronising emails telling them they were doing their jobs wrongly.

@thecatsthecats

He later threw up a legal fuss against us on a different matter, but chose to represent himself... Because he knew better. Our lawyers were tearing their hair out at his patronising emails telling them they were doing their jobs wrongly.

I hope your legal team were able to politely and legally tear him apart?🌹

Omg, I worked for a recruitment consultancy that had the same rules (and other bizarre ones)!!! It wasn't in the South West was it?

I used to work somewhere where in meetings I would write notes for myself as there were so many projects going on, and sometimes some of them were directly connected to mine.

However sometimes I would write questions on my notes or reminders to speak to such and such about a certain topic.

If I sat next to my senior manager, he would lean across and answer my notes for me on my paper, or fill out the abbreviations.

Sometimes I would just write nonsense on my paper and let him fidget around trying to answer my nonsensical notes

I got quite good at that.

@BerylWiddicombe , that is brilliant! Incredible! Totally green and eco friendly