What are your values? What rules do you live by?

[cleverliterarynamehere]

This is in chat and not aibu for a reason so please be kind.
I am trying to do some "self esteem" work

And one thing I keep coming back to is what do I stand for? What am I passing on to the dc?

We have had a really tricky run of bad luck and financial issues, so for example I guess I am trying to teach them that money isn't important but it feels like it is when you don't have it.

I am not really sure what I stand for and interested in how others see it.

Financially... I think you could rephrase as 'money is a useful tool' but won't ever make us happy? We do a lot of free stuff in our spare time and I think that helps actually live out this value.

In terms of life values generally, I guess I try to live by imagining 'what if everyone in the world did this'? If everyone dropped litter/parked on the pavement/was mean behind other people's backs etc, the world would be much worse. On the other hand if everyone checked on their elderly neighbour once a week and took a bit of responsibility for making their town/village tidier, the world would be much better.

Mine is generally don't be an arsehole, only have people around you who are positive and learn to say no to things you don't want to do or are uncomfortable with.

That is a good way of looking at it
I also try and make sure I reciprocate invitations, and do unto others but I worry too that I am a massive people pleaser
I have been reading a book which suggests that you should also never do unto yourself that you wouldn't do to others
Eg if your friend hit the kerb while
Parking you wouldn't say "oh my god you are a terrible driver" so don't beat yourself up in the same way

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Imagine what the world would be like if everyone lived by that rule.

Mine’s very simple. I ask myself what my dad would do. He had integrity with a capital I.

My values are about independence, freedom, adventure and ongoing learning. If these things aren't working on alignment for me, i feel a bit uncomfortable.

But as a creed to live by, don't be a dick os really it.

Don’t be a Dick is a good one.

Never lie, Never be unkind to anyone (even if they have been to you), be quick to go NC with anyone who is toxic /makes you unhappy

I just try not to be a wanker.

I'm not sure I have any "rules", but I suppose "don't sweat the small stuff" is a good one, ie the majority of things we worry about are really trivial, so not worth stressing about. We're born, we breathe in and out for a few years, then we die and are forgotten, so there's no point in taking things too seriously.
Also, there are usually multiple points of view on any one topic, so I can't expect that mine will always be right.
Finally, it really doesn't matter what other people think of me - once we all realise that (usually in middle age), then life gets a whole lot easier.

Aim to leave the world better than how you found it

Making connections with people - family, friends, community - is life

Treat everyone you meet as god in drag ie see the divine in other people (which is a more rounded way saying treat others as you’d want to be treated)

I think that covers it for me

Money is important mind you, in the sense that it’s a problem not to have enough for your basic needs obviously, and for the next level of happiness to have a enough to have some control and leisure time. I think research says happiness increases up to about £80k per year and then not much more. So I think it’s fine to say to your kids being hard up is tough, but as long as you have the other big things in place, you’ll get through it.

Ah, this is lovely 🙂

Good thread. I think our main ones are:

Manners at all times
No shouting
Well-being (big emphasis on good unprocessed food, listening to own body, exercising)
Love of nature and respect for all living creatures
Curiosity, adventure, knowledge

I need to start working harder on explaining materialism isn’t good, but money are important (as in allowing a certain lifestyle, freedoms and opportunities).

Love and look after the planet, because it's all so cool. Including all the wildlife, interconnected ecosystems and the diverse people and cultures. Basically.

I am a hedonist. I seek out pleasure and avoid pain/discomfort/even mild inconvenience as far as possible. I am innately very selfish, however I also have a sense of ethics. So my life is a compromise between seeking my own pleasure and not harming anyone else. I am not quite pro-social enough to worry about actively doing good, so I settle for doing no harm.

(I do not have children and I am not married. Programmatically, not accidentally.)

Do what is best for the environment as far as you can, and be kind

Values I teach my kids, to look out for those around you who you can see having a tough time. Be kind and expect kindness, don't accept those who treat you badly. Walk away.

Money is an interesting one. I had many options of career pathway, one would have potentially given me higher earnings, one, more altruistic. I always wanted to make a difference and give back, so I chose the latter! Now my advice to my kids is to fine what they love but really, they need to make sure it pays well enough, not megabucks, but enough that your life is not going to be made harder due to financial worries. I don't tell them that money doesn't matter, it does but it does make you happy but having a bit more can make life easier.

If you wouldn't wouldn't want your family and friends to read about it in the papers don't do it.

Should say "does not make you happy!"

no lying stealing or cheating.
being grateful every day for the small stuff
share what i can
and be kind

every day i wake up i pray and ask for the grace to be helpful not hurtful.

Everone needs money to live on, but I've always tried to avoid being materialistic. Nobody needs an expensive car, for instance, when a much cheaper one gets you from A to B just as well. Nobody needs 'designer' label clothes. Sometimes expensive things are nice to have if you can afford them, but too many people end up looking down their noses at anything less expensive!

finances are pretty black and white.
and everyone goes through rough patches that should be used as a learning opportunity.
it fits in with my values of not lying stealing or cheating, face the numbers as a fact and work through it while always having hope.
be grateful for what you have and either share or be accepting of those who share with you.

One method for identifying your own values is to read through a list and circle the words that 'speak' to you most; these tend to be the things that are most important to you.

thehappinessplanner.com/pages/list-of-core-values

Sobriety, humility, compassion, respect, kindness, honesty, integrity, having a lively, open, enquiring mind, a thirst for learning new things and skills, care for all living things...

But, follow your own path, be true to yourself and remember that only dead fish flow with the stream. Remind yourself that love transcends material possessions and that, no matter how bad things may seem, hope arises, like a Phoenix, from the ashes and despair