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Original poster

Does anyone have kids who don’t do much in the school holidays?

64 replies

Justaworrier · 18/07/2023 17:49

Just looking for a little reassurance really as my DD breaks up from school on Friday. She is 14 and does have friends in school but doesn’t see them outside of school which makes me dread the long summer holidays. I know she’ll spend her time in her room.

She does play online games with friends and she has a good friend from primary who comes over for the odd sleepover.

When she first started secondary I suggested many after school clubs all of which she refused. She tried guides and hated it. Her best friend is in the school swimming club but DD refuses to join even though I’ve said it would be something to do in the holidays. I suggested a stage school which runs in the holidays aimed at shy children but DD refused. I know I can’t make her join clubs but feel so helpless.

I almost dread the 6 weeks of her doing very little although friends tell me this may change as she gets older.

It doesn’t help that my other DD who is 16 will be meeting up with friends most days and is really social. On the last day of school she has arranged to meet up with her friends in the park but my younger DD will just come home.

Everything on social media seems to imply that all 14 year olds are always out and my work colleagues seem to have very social kids too. I have some time off from work but was hoping by now I wouldn’t be responsible for trying to entertain a 14 year old.

Can anyone relate? I was hoping this year may be different as it was the same last year but nothings changed!

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 18/07/2023 17:59

My 16 yr old doesn’t really see school friends out of school. She may meet up once or twice in the 6 weeks. She just enjoys lying in, eating, and bothering me .

jannier · 18/07/2023 18:09

Everything on social media isn't true most is damaging .....most kids don't go out and live on phones etc I'm afraid.

Original poster
Justaworrier · 18/07/2023 18:10

Aw thanks for replying dusty. My DD has had constant colds since September so I’m hoping lots of rest will help her get fighting fit for when she goes back.

Maybe it’s me but I just wish she’d meet up with some friends. Like how can she have friends in school but never see them outside of school?!

OP posts:

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DustyLee123 · 18/07/2023 18:11

I think they communicate via the phones, so they don’t need to meet.

MyMachineAndMe · 18/07/2023 18:12

I had friends in school that I rarely saw at home and spent much of the summer holidays as a teen doing next to nothing apart from watching TV, reading and sleeping.

britespark1 · 18/07/2023 18:17

My DS is only 12 but will be the same OP. He loves gaming and plays with his friends online. A very occasional bike ride maybe but that’s it.

Original poster
Justaworrier · 18/07/2023 18:20

This is all very encouraging Thankyou!

OP posts:
Original poster
Justaworrier · 18/07/2023 18:22

As a teenager I remember lots of lazy days, watching films and lots of book reading. I think it’s because my 16 year old DD is just so busy, out with friends most days and does lots of activities.

OP posts:
BoysRule · 18/07/2023 18:23

My DS is 14 this summer and he does nothing either. It's reassuring to hear from others. He's not interested in any sports, clubs or activities. He has school friends but he's not fussed about seeing them outside of school and won't arrange anything.

He will happily spend all day in his room on his PC. So my summer will be exhausting planning things to keep him active. I had thought by this age I wouldn't be doing this any more!

XelaM · 18/07/2023 18:25

My daughter doesn't see school friends put of school often either, but she's obsessed with riding, so spends her days at the yard which is where other horse-mad teens hang out. Any chance your daughter likes horses?

sweepleall · 18/07/2023 18:26

What does she do in her room?

If she is reading or doing something creative like art or something, it wouldn't worry me but if she's just on her phone literally all day, that doesn't sound great

Marshmar · 18/07/2023 18:30

Is your DD happy though? That's the main thing. Not everyone is as social..

Annaisatwat · 18/07/2023 18:31

My ds was always the same. He played on line with friends, he used to paint war hammer figures.

I can probably count on one hand the amount of times he had a friend over or went to a friends house.

He’s 21 now and unscathed by it! On his days off from work, he still prefers to hang out in his room chatting to his friends online. He goes out maybe twice a month (he does do a high pressured job with long hours and a 6 on, 3 off shift pattern though, so I don’t blame him for just wanting to relax, he’s done 3, 16 hour shifts in a row this week).

DinnaeFashYersel · 18/07/2023 18:33

Sounds like my 14 yo.

He's completely happy though.

Annaisatwat · 18/07/2023 18:35

Also, I was a teen long before any social media or technology. I would leave school at the end of a term and not leave the house until it was time to go back to school again.

I loved just hanging out at home, I still do now as a forty something. I could happily go weeks without setting foot outside, some people are happy in their own company. I wouldn’t stress too much.

EddieMunsen · 18/07/2023 18:49

You know, those worried about how their kids will spend all day on their phones or PCs in their rooms - have you thought of limiting access to them? You are the parents and you set the rules.

I have suggested our teens do a mixture of:

Duolingo
Reading
Screen time (set by us for our younger teen)
exercise
friends IRL
a 'chore of the day'

Not all of them every day, except exercise and reading, which must be.

Original poster
Justaworrier · 18/07/2023 20:38

eddiemunsen if only it were that easy, both my DDs do a lot of online gaming with friends so limiting screen time would be pretty isolating for them.

OP posts:
tracylamont13 · 18/07/2023 20:49

A nice reassuring thread

My son is 15 and spends a lot of time in his room on his computer. We hear him laughing and talking to his mates though as they are all playing the same game.

We're working during the holidays but are going to take him out after work some evenings (cinema, bowling etc). He's got a girlfriend so has asked if he can go to her house sometimes. I'm also encouraging him to come to work with us to earn some extra cash (we're self employed and he can help with the business).

I don't worry about him being in his room alot though. He's being very social, just in a different way to how I was at his age. He's happy.

christmastreefarm · 18/07/2023 20:58

My 16yo doesn't meet with friends much. Only a couple of times since she finished exams. Youngest never wants to be home.

Bonelly · 18/07/2023 21:16

I think 14 is prime lockdown kid when they learnt to stay in. It's weird but it can and might change.

Snuppeline · 18/07/2023 21:24

I try not to project onto my DD, she turns 15 in September. I’m extrovert (but exhausted by life so not so social anymore) and used to agonize that she had 1 friend and saw max 3
people. She spends a lot of time alone and in her room. Yes she’s texting friends but they meet up and hang out and she so rarely does. I realized a few years ago that I’m raising an introvert and should not put my angst on her, make her feel wrong. Instead we’ve normalised her isolating periods and respect when she’s “on charge”. Social stuff exhausts her bad, so school exhausts her. She’s slowly expanding her interactions so I think it works letting her be and just draw her into family stuff and facilitate social stuff when she feels up to it (giving her a lift, picking her up and being the host frequently). If your child takes part in some
family stuff and does more on occasion than grunt it’s probably fine.

missingthewinchesterboys · 18/07/2023 21:52

Mine are 15&16 and would rather be home or out with us than meeting friends.
Youngest is just now lamenting how her best mates want to meet for a picnic next week and she doesn't want to go.
They chat on the phone and game together, they go to Explorers(scouts) and are involved in the music school but actually during the holidays see mates a couple of times only.

kiwivick87 · 18/07/2023 21:58

I think that by the holidays the teens are absolutely knackered and just need time out . I cannot remember specifically but am pretty sure my children spent a lot of time watching tv, chatting to friends on SM and not necessarily seeing friends regularly.
We did days out and a family holiday and the summer holidays just wizzed by .
As long as she appears happy I wouldn’t worry.

BettyBallerina · 18/07/2023 22:00

Normal, my youngest son spends a lot of time in the house or playing ball games in the garden during the summer holidays. Eldest is more sociable and hangs out with his friends a lot.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 18/07/2023 22:00

My 14 year old is the same. She'd happily spend the whole 6 weeks in her room. She reads, paints Warhammer, games with friends, sleeps. I can hear her laughing online with her friends.

I'm working full time throughout the summer. I have a few days off and have arranged a few days out with friends. But I have to make sure there is a day at home in between any days out otherwise she gets grumpy! She just wants to be at home.

I just think... well, at least she's not out causing trouble... nothing worse than teenagers hanging around making a nuisance of themselves!

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